"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -bill Gates, 1981 "Bother," said Pooh, as he saw the mushroom cloud

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"640K ought to be enough for anybody." --Bill Gates, 1981

"Bother," said Pooh, as he saw the mushroom cloud.
"Data, I thought you were dead!" "No, Sir. I rebooted!"
"Energize!" said Picard and the pink bunny appeared.
"Even historians fail to learn from history." --John Gill
"Fac meam diem." --Clintus Estvoodicus
"Facts are stupid things" --Ronald Reagan
"Gilligan, get their phasers." "O. K., Skipper."
"Have you lived in this village all your life?" "No, not yet."....
"Help! I've fallen and can't get up." A. Tree
"How to Stay Poor and Enjoy it Less" by I.R.S.
"I drank WHAT!?" --Socrates
"I hate Victor Hugo", said Les miserably.
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
"I'm a lawyer." "Honest?" "No, the usual kind."
"Is that seat saved?" "No, but we're praying for it."
"Lawyer Testing" - because some things, even RATS won't do
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
"No, let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
"NOW" is a point in time that is already gone.
"Seek Error" - Who told it to look for anything?
"Stressed" is just desserts spelled backwards.
"The LORD is my Shepherd;..."
"The world's a theater, the earth a stage" --WS
"We are the greatest planet on earth." --Dan Quayle.
'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy.
'Did ya put the cat out?' 'I didn't know it was burning'
'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser
'I'll be Bach.' --Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger.
'In closing' is always followed by the other half of the speech.
'Keep the smoke inside.' - 1st Rule of Electronics.
'Oh what a tangled web we weave' --Hair Club for Men.
'Paid off'? What does that mean?
'Read my lips, no nude Texan's'. --What George really said.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting.
'Wait' is a hard word to the hungry.

Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again. --L. Long.

*'M ST*P*D - I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat, an "O" please.
**FLASH** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
*I* didn't do it, the *computer* did it!
*IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only."
Warm, Dry, and Fed; That's Life
Today is cancelled due to lack of interest!
Pardon my driving; I'm trying to reload
0.000666 - number of the microbeast
0.001501501501501501501501 - The inverse of the beast.
0.015015 - reciprocal of the beast
0.587785252 - cosine of the beast
0.65039 Kbytes - memory of the beast
0.666 - number of the millibeast
668 - Neighbor of the Beast
29A - the hexadecimal of the Beast.
1 + 2 = 3. Therefore 4 + 5 = 6.
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
26% of Canadians can't read. The other 92% can't do Math.
3 dreaded words: hard disk failure
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
3 things occur when you age.. 1) memory goes 2) uh.. um..
4 food groups: fast, frozen, microwaved, and junk.
43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
7 1/2 million years and all you can come up with is 42?! --Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

80% success, most of the time.

89.6% of all statistics are wrong.
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
A 'government subsidy' is getting just some of your own money back.
A babe is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.
A bad beginning makes for a good ending.
A bad workman quarrels with his tools.
A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A batter who bats .500 is still out half the time.
A big enough hammer can usually fix anything.
A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money! --Everett Dirkson
A bird in the hand is worth about three Kleenex.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A blind man is no judge of colors.
A blush on the face is better than a blot on the heart.
A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
A brain is worth little without a tongue.
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
A cat's purr is the sound of it generating cute.
A centipede is an ant made to government specs.
A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
A chat has nine lives.
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
A child of 5 could understand this! Fetch me a child of 5
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clean, neat, and orderly work place is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A clear conscience makes a good pillow.
A clear conscience is one of the best friends you will ever have.

A clear white skin is a girl's best friend, especially if it's ermine. --Emmaline Henly

A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A consultant may be defined as an unemployed practitioner.
A contented man is always rich.
A contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet.
A contradiction of terms - The Best of Rush Limbaugh
A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend.
A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet.
A crucifix? Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
A cult is any religion without political power.
A cynic smells flowers and looks for a casket.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good. --Classic Crossword Puzzles
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
A dragon a day, keeps the world away.
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
A failure will not appear until a unit has been shipped.
A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines.
A fate worse than death: to be married alive.
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A fault recognized is half corrected.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
A fool and his money are my kind of customer
A fool and his money share the same mattress.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
A fool wants to be king.A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
A friend advises in his interest, not yours.
A friend is someone who knows me and likes me anyway.
A generation which ignores history has no past - and no future.
A Goethe is a steel beam; a Joyce is a wooden one.

A good aim is no good if you don't pull the trigger.

A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A good hug should put a smile in the heart
A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit.
A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial. --Clifton Fadiman
A good memory should be like a sieve:the sand should go through and only the best nuggets be retained. --O. A. Battista
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good name is more desirable than great riches.
A good organizer is one who is careful to plan ahead.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit.
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
A halo has only to fall a few centimeters to become a noose.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence. --Brander Matthews
A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
A hypocrite is one who sets good examples only when he has an audience.
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
A kind heart is of little value in chess.
A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
A lecture on time travel will be held yesterday.
A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income.
A little faith can lift you above your fears.
A little knowledge is just that - little.
A little knowledge isn't enough.
A little Madness in the Spring, Is wholesome even for the King. --Emily Dickinson
A loafer is a man who rests before he gets tired.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A lot of us have seen the light, but for many of us it's the one inside the refrigerator. --Marlys Huffman
A Macintosh is an Etch-a-Sketch you don't have to shake.

A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.

A man lives by believing in something; not by debating and arguing many things. --Thomas Carlysle
A man may be young in years, yet old in hours.
A man of courage is also full of faith. --Cicero
A man once claimed nothing was true; but he was lying.
A man should live forever, or die trying.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man will get mad and tell you where to go; a woman will smile and lead you there.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A man's brain is his Achilles' heel.
A man's character and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season. --W.F.G.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers. --Aristophanes
A man's house is his hassle.
A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.
A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
A mistress is something between a mister and a mattress.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mountain is climbed a step at a time.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A mule dressed in a tuxedo is still a mule.
A nanite is a midget nanny!
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
A nut that is easy to crack is often empty.
A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
A penny earned is cheap labor.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
A person in a passion rides a mad horse.
A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
A pest: A friend in need.
A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.
A procrastinator's work is never done.

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives.
A reasonable man accomplishes nothing.
A right attitude toward God fosters a right attitude toward your family.
A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A second class effort is a first class mistake.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
A shadow is always black, even the shadow of a swan. --Vargas Vila
A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for. --John A. Shedd
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --Evan Esar
A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years of study. --Longfellow
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.
A small good deed is better than the grandest intention.
A small leak will sink a great ship.
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
A statesman who keeps his ear permanently glued to the ground will have neither elegance of posture nor flexibility of movement. --Abba Eban
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
A successful baseball player gets a hit only once out of every three tries.
A taxpayer is one who does not have to pass a Civil Service examination to work for the Government.
A ten-gallon hat really holds only three-fourths of a gallon.
A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.
A thing not looked for is seldom found.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. --Keats
A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

A waist is a terrible thing to watch!
A welfare state is when the government of the people and for the people buy the people. --B.C.
A wife is a person whose boiling point is also her freezing level. --Marlys Huffman
A wife who says she can read her husband like a book rarely does.Instead of skipping what she doesn't like, she goes over and over it. --Neal O'Hara
A winner feels responsible for more than his job; a loser says, "I only work here."
A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.
A winner says "There ought to be a better way to do it."; a loser says, "That's the way it's always been done."
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.
A woman's advice is not worth much, but he who doesn't heed it is a fool.
A world with out a Sabbath would be like a man without a smile, like summer without flowers, and like a homestead without a garden. It is the joyous day of the whole week. --Henry Ward Beecher
A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
Ability and reliability make a good team.
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Abstain from wine, women and song. Mostly song.
Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation!!!
Abuse of power comes as no surprise.
Accident: A condition in which presence of min d is good, but absence of body is better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Acetone - What you do in exercise class.

Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.

Acid Rain - Not as groovy as it sounds.
Acoustic: What you shoot pool with.
Act with kindness, but do not expect gratitude. --Confucius
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Actually, there's only a slight difference between keeping your chin up and sticking your neck out, but it's worth knowing.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
Adolescence: the stage between puberty and adultery.
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advertisement: the most truthful part of a newspaper.
Advertising is wonderful. What other medium could picture children going back to school with big smiles on their faces.
Advertising raises the standard of living by raising the standard of longing.
Advice: 5¢ And Worth Every Penny!
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
Advice is cheap, but good examples cost something. This may be the reason why one is scarce and the other plentiful.
Aern't spill chukkers grate?
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Age isn't important unless you're a cheese.
Ah, but man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for? --Robert Browning
Ah know what a bagel is, but what kind of dog is a lox?
Ah My Favorite!! Cream Of Spotted Owl Soup.
Ah well, they say it's not as bad as they say it is.
Ahead is what you can't get without using.
AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.
Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
ALERT! ALERT! No, wait! It's TWO lerts!

Alex Haley was adopted!

Alexander Solzhenitsyn referred to shortsighted concessions: "A process of giving up and giving up and giving up and hoping and hoping and hoping that perhaps at some point the wolf will have had enough." --Vaughan J. Featherstone Ensign Magazine, May 1999
Alimony is having to say you're sorry once a month.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
All answers questioned here.
All cats are gray in the dark. --Benjamin Franklin
All computers wait at the same speed.
All criminals turn preachers when they are under the gallows. --Italian Proverb
All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare. --Benedict Spinoza
All generalizations are false.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
All marriages are happy.It's the living together afterwards that causes the problems.
All men are idiots and I married their king.
All of you that believe in telekinesis, raise MY hand!
All people smile in the same language.
All progress stems from change but all change is not necessarily progress.
All reality is aspect dependent.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
All rising to a great place is by a winding stair.
All serious daring starts from within. --Eudora Welty
All stressed out and no one to choke.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. --Edward Gibbon
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. --J.R.R. Tolkien, English author (1892-1973)
All that we pay only with money is always cheap. --Mario Donato
All the easy problems have been solved.
All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.

All the world's a stage, but most of us are stage hands.

All things are difficult before they are easy.
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
All this significance - what does it mean?
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. --Mark Twain
ALL-PURPOSE EXCUSE: It seemed like a good idea at the time
Almost all loan officers have artificial hearts.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
Almost perfect... but not quite.
Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Always do what you are afraid to do. --Emerson
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. --Oscar Wilde
Always hold your head up but keep your nose at a friendly level.
Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Always tell the truth ..& be ready to run like h***!
Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.
Always willing to share my ignorance.
Always yield to temptation, for it may not pass your way again.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. --Charlie McCarthy
An aim in life is the only treasure worth finding. --R. L. Evans
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.
An Armed Citizenry *IS* the Militia
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
An authority knows lots of things you don't care about.
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. --Ambrose Bierce
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

An error which has to be corrected is a heavier burden than the truth. --Dag Hammarskjold

An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong.
An expert is someone from out of town.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An object of information most needed will be least available.
An open mind is often an invitation to drop a worthwhile thought into it.
An open mind doesn't always require an open mouth
An optimist is a person without much experience.
An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An unbreakable toy is excellent for breaking other toys.
Anarchy is against the law.
And on the 8th Day God said, "Murphy, you're in charge."
And the Dollar is holding steady at 100 cents
And then Adam said, "What's a headache?"
And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
And to all you unevolved life forms BANG the rocks together.
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. --Chesterton.
Anger and criticism are like acid; more harmful to the container in which it is held than to the object on which it is poured.
Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.
Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.
Angry words can make us speak our mind when we should be minding our speech.
Another day, another buck 2.98 minus tax.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

Any faucet can turn the water on, but after a few years only a good faucet will turn it off. The same thing applies to human tongues.

Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.
Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Anyone can become angry; that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. --Aristotle
Anyone for fishing? No time got to read.
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries know nothing about grapes. --from The Art of Living
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything that can go wrong will.
Anything we learn today may be disproven tomorrow.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Apathists of the world ..... ahh, forget it!
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush.
April hath put a spirit of youth in every thing. --William Shakespeare
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
Are Girl Scout Cookies made from real Girl Scouts?
Are the voices in my head bothering you?
Are you illiterate? Write to us for a free book.
Are you suggesting coconuts are migratory?
Are you working on the solution or are you part of the problem.
Armadillo: Possum on the half-shell.
Army food: the spoils of war.
Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.

Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
As a general rule, teachers teach more by what they are than by what they say.
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. --Einstein
As scarce as truth is, the supply is always greater than the demand. --Josh Billings
As the spark flies upward, so is man prone to evil. --Proverbs
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
ASCII to a ASCII, DOS to DOS.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
Assassins Do It Secretively, and Finally.
Assume the worst, you'll never be disappointed.
Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
Astronauts are out to launch.
Astronauts get missile-toe.
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
At what point in the dairy process is the Milk Dud made?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheist: A man with no invisible means of support.
Athletes do it on the run.
Attitude adjustments $29.95. Alignment extra.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. --Dorothy
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid criticism - say, do and be nothing.
Avoid reality at all costs.

Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

Avoid Satan as a lion, dread him as a serpent, and fear him as an angel of light.
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
Babies are God's opinion that the world should go on.
Baby stork, "Mama, where did I come from?"
Back up my hard drive?How do I put it in reverse?
Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.
Bacteria, n.: the only culture some people have.
Bad Case #12: Nostalgia buff with amnesia.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage
Bad dog! Don't chew the power cor..!# NO TERRIER
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.
Bald spot? No - solar panel for brain power.
Barfignugen: Car Sickness in a Volkswagen.
Barometer:An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Basic Airline Flying - Keep the pointy end forward.
Basic is a high level languish.
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
Baudy house: A bordello with a modem.
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Be a boss so you, too, can work 16 hours a day.
Be Alert! The world needs more Lerts.
Be as you would seem to be.
Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
Be consistent - but don't do it all the time.
Be good to your environment - purge your tree.
Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Be like a postage stamp - stick to one thing until you get there. --Josh Billings
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Be part of the solution, not part of the pollution.

Be patient: God isn't finished with me yet!
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sure the brain is engaged before putting the mouth in gear.
Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so. --Lord Chesterfield
Beam me aboard, Scotty. Aye, will a 2x4 do, Captain?
Beam me up Scotty. No, Scotty, that's not what I meant
Beam me up Scotty! The liberals have taken over!
Beam Me Up Scotty, ............*S-C-O-T-T-Y*!!!
Beaten paths are for beaten men.
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.
Beauty without virtue is a curse.
Become a millionaire, send $1.00 for details.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Before you flare up at anyone's faults, take time to count to 10...10 of your own. --Woodmen of the World
Before you meet any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful woman - herself.
Behind every successful man - a surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every successful man is a woman who made it necessary.
Believe one who has tried it. --Virgil
Beta version - too buggy to be released.
Better attitudes through chemistry. --Bruce
Better or worse, but never the same.
Better than counting your years is making all your years count.
Better the foot slip than the tongue.
Better to face a danger once than be always in fear.
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --Mae West.
Beware of a half truth; you may be getting the wrong half.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --Thoreau
Beware of dark rooms ... They might be the morgue.
Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a ship.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Bible is copyrighted by God.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: see Bigamy.
Bikinis - my favorite aphrodisiac.
Bill Clinton tax form - Send us all your money.
Bill Clinton's not like Jimmy Carter - more like Billy.
Biology grows on you.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blame St. Andreas - it's his fault.
Blessed are the inept for they shall inherit the skies.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Blessed are the brief for they will be invited again.
Blessed are they who desire nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.
Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Blood is thicker than water. Tastier and more nutritious too.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Born free - Taxed to death.
Bosses are so busy delegating jobs, they have no time to work.
Bought some powdered water - not sure what to add, though.
Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices. --George Bernard Shaw
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some.
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.

BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It

Brandy-and-water spoils two good things.
BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Bride: a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bring order to your life, use random numbers.
Broadmindedness is highmindedness flattened out by experience. --Clipper, Lexington Nebr.
Buddha lived a normal life with wife and children, and when he was thirty left home in search of happiness.
Buddhist ordering pizza: "Make me one with everything."
Buddy, can you spare some cache?
Budget: an orderly system of living beyond your means.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
Bureaucrats are the meat loaf of humanity.
Busier than a one-eyed cat watching 9 mouseholes.
But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination?
But you can't let her drive! She's legally blonde!
But you thaid is was a pith helmet!
Buy in haste, repair at leisure.
Buy one, get one free? Does it have to be in that order?
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
By Grace Are Ye Saved, Through Faith. --Eph 2:8
By the time you realize what love can do, the damage has already been done.
By the time you get to where you can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
By the time a man reads women like a book he's too old to collect a library.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
C:\CLINTON\TRUTH.COM not found. Abort, Retry, Impeach?

C'est la vie, Jim, but not as we know it.

CA bumper sticker: Cover me, I'm changing lanes.
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Cajun breakfast: Blackened toast.
California does have its faults.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. --Fred Allen
Call me apathetic - I don't care!
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but...
Calm down! It's only zeros and ones.
Camelot! .....It's only a model.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse??
Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
Can't underestimate the power of fear.
Capital Punishment means never having to say "you again?"
Card games can be expensive, but so can any game where you hold hands. --Maui News
Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
Careful!!...You may be the only Bible some people ever read.
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.
Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge.
Cat + unattended keyboard = garbage all over screen.
Cat bathing is a martial art.
Cats. Earths most purrfect lifeform.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Caution: Slow Children at Play!
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Censor - a man who knows more than he thinks you should.
Cereal Killer Strikes Again! Cap'n Crunch found dead.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Character is not made in a crisis - it is only exhibited.
Character is the sum total of all our everyday choices. --Margaret Jensen
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.

Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Chicken: the egg's way of making more eggs.
Childish game: one at which your spouse beats you.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1: If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2: If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't like it.
Choose Heaven for climate, Hell for society.
Christ did the same thing that God did. What did He do? He resurrected.
Christ: When He came to earth, He had a body just like man's; when He went to Heaven, He had a body just like God's.

Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. --Ambrose Bierce,


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