8 Funny Stories Straight From Santa's Lap


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8 Funny Stories Straight From Santa's Lap

POSTED: 2:10 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:04 pm EST November 15, 2010

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Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice, and this holiday season, the men who put on the red suit are spilling the beans about how kids, and adults, behave on Santa's lap.

From kids who cry and the reasons why, to parents who think they can use their kids to prank the jolly old elf. Santa has seen it all.

With the help of Santa Mike from Chicago and Santa Robert from Cincinnati, we've compiled some stories that will give you a holiday chuckle.

We begin with a conversation that should have remained private.

Santa Stories: 'I Farted'

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Sometimes what happens on Santa's lap, should stay on Santa's lap. Unfortunately, parents won't always let that happen.

One little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, was telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas when something unfortunate happened.

"Santa, I farted," the boy whispered.

"I know, it's OK," Santa said to him.

Unfortunately, the boy's mother was listening in on the conversation because she wanted to know what her son wanted. But since the boy whispered that part, she had to ask the question out loud.

"What? What did he say he wanted for Christmas?" she asked.

The little boy chimed back as loud as he could, "No mother, I farted!"

Mom immediately began looking for a crack in the floor to crawl in.

Our next story has another cautionary tale for parents: Be careful what you ask your kids to do because they might rat you out.

Santa Stories: The Beard Is Real, Sometimes

POSTED: 2:05 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:03 pm EST November 15, 2010

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Kids may throw Santa a curveball every once in a while, but when it comes to their parents, Santa's got their number.

First, Santa knows you're listening to what your child is saying. That's why they'll often repeat your child's wish in a loud voice. Second, they know when you've told your kids to pull Santa's beard.

In one case, a young boy approached Santa to give him his Christmas wish list. Santa noticed that the boy's father had a grin from ear-to-ear.

After the boy told Santa what he wanted, he said, "My dad says I should pull your beard to see if you're the real Santa Claus."

The polite little boy then asked, "Am I allowed to touch your beard?"

Santa obliged, and after a few strong tugs at the beard, the boy looked back at his father in awe. Then the boy shouted, "Dad, it is the real Santa Claus."

And for the record, this Santa's beard really is real.

Kids really do say the darndest things, and they ask the darndest questions, too. See what we mean in the next story.

Santa Stories: Kids Are Honest & Curious

POSTED: 2:08 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:03 pm EST November 15, 2010

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You can't get much past a child. Even if you're Santa.

One Santa says that he chews gum or uses breath mints, because kids are very honest about whether Santa's breath stinks. Sometimes that honesty hurts Santa's feelings.

One little girl, about 5 years old, was rattling off her Christmas wish list, when she paused to ask Santa a question.

"Are you chewing gum?" she asked.

Santa, taken aback by the question, admitted that yes, in fact, he was chewing gum.

"Why are you chewing gum?" she asked.

Santa fessed up and admitted that he chews gum so that his breath would be nice for the children.

"OK," she said, and went back to her list without skipping a beat.

This little girl got a little distracted with the task at hand. But the girl in our next story knows exactly what she wants and how she's going to get it.

Santa Stories: She Knows What She Wants

POSTED: 2:05 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:02 pm EST November 15, 2010

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Santa is accustomed to kids bringing their lists with them when they visit him. But one little girl really knew what she wanted and how to get it.

The girl, about 6 years old and dressed in her frilliest dress, sat on Santa's lap and proceeded to read more than 20 items off of her list -- everything from Barbies and dolls to a particular brand of baby carriage.

As the little girl reached the end of her list, she turned to Santa and said, "If you can't bring all of this, don't worry. My daddy will give it to me."

"Do you want to give me the list?" Santa asked.

"No, I think I should keep it for my daddy," she replied.

Santa agreed.

This little girl was on a mission. So is the little boy in our next story, only his motivation was a bit different.

Santa Stories: Kids Cry For Different Reasons

POSTED: 2:03 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:02 pm EST November 15, 2010

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Santa says it's not uncommon for kids to cry when they're in his lap. Most cry because they're scared, but one little boy's reason for crying takes the cake.

The little boy, about 4 years old, approached Santa already in tears and carrying his pacifier, which he referred to as his "binky."

"Hello Santa Claus," the boy said while trying to hold back his tears. "My mommy tells me if I give you my binky, you'll bring me anything I want."

"Yes, that's a very big boy to surrender his binky," Santa replied.

The boy handed his binky to Santa and said with a whimper, "Please give it to someone who needs it."

The boy then ran from Santa, crying even harder than before, into the arms of his mother.

Some kids are very unselfish about their Christmas wishes, like the girl in our next story.

Santa Stories: Enough About Me, My Mom Wants ...

POSTED: 2:06 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:01 pm EST November 15, 2010

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It's always very sweet when kids think of others when telling Santa what they want for Christmas.

One little girl had already given Santa her wish list, and was almost on her way, when she decided to make one more request.

"One more thing," the little girl said. "My Mom still wants that new car since she didn't get tickets to the Oprah Winfrey show."

This of course, was shortly after the Oprah episode in which she famously gave everyone in her studio audience a car.

Some people want cars, others want something a bit more simple. See what the kid in our next story asked Santa for.

Santa Stories: The Kid Wants A Sandwich

POSTED: 2:09 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 4:00 pm EST November 15, 2010

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It's not always toys that kids want for Christmas. Santa gets some other unusual requests.

One 6-year-old boy sat on Santa's lap and when it came to telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he said, "A sandwich."

Santa notes that the boy didn't look underfed or that he had missed any meals, but that was all the boy said he wanted.

Once the boy left Santa's lap, his mother came over to ask Santa what her son wanted.

Santa told her the boy wanted a sandwich.

"You're serious?" she asked.

The boy's mother said they had just eaten before going to see Santa and had no idea why he would say such a thing.

Santa may inspire hunger in some children. But for some adults, he inspires romance.

Santa Stories: The Matchmaker

POSTED: 2:07 pm EST November 11, 2010
UPDATED: 3:59 pm EST November 15, 2010

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It's not only kids who make their way onto Santa's lap. There's something about the jolly man in the red suit that sparks a bit of romance in certain couples.

One Santa says that he sees about two or three young men every season that use Santa to help propose to their girlfriends. Sometimes it works like a charm. Other times, not so much.

In one case, the suitor was positive that his girlfriend would ask Santa for an engagement ring.

But when Santa asked the young lady what she wanted, her reply was, "A refrigerator for our new condo."

Her boyfriend stood nearby, perplexed. Santa seeing the sweat beginning to form on his forehead asked, "Are you sure there isn't anything else you want?"

"No, I think that's it," she replied.

Santa asked her if she wanted something else one more time, not for her sake, but for the boyfriend's.

The boyfriend finally took the hint, got down on one knee and proposed.

This time, she said yes.


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