I cried till midnight, the whole world appeared to be
crumbling before me. I suddenly lost appetite for
everything and the thoughts of suicide began to fill
My memory flashed back to the stress, hustle and
struggles I went through for five years at the
university before obtaining the certificate, I began to
remember all the stress I went through during NYSC,
I also remembered how I squeezed out time out of
no time to attend java and oracle classes, I
remembered the stress of writing the professional
exams before finally getting the results.
"Chai!!!!, Adebimpe wicked gan ni oooo"
After a while, my mind stopped flashing back to the
past and it began to think about the future. I started
consoling myself with the thoughts that "after all, I
can easily re-apply for another certificates", but how
will that be possible before thursday evening that I
would have to travel to Ado?.
***weeping and biting my finger****
"Chaii, Adebimpe is just wicked"
"Did I really deserved this extreme punishment?"
" What do I do before thursday?"
"Should I call my uncle to tell him that I don't have
my results with me?"
"How will I even say it sef?"
"How do I even reach bimpe and beg her, who knows,
maybe should would forgive me"
"Who knows maybe she had set my certificates on
"Will I just loose this chance of getting a better job
"Will my uncle ever be willing to assist me anymore?"
"I just wished I checked my credentials properly
before leaving the hospital".
Infact, I regretted once again for travelling to niger
state for the GNLD interview.
I continued murmuring and crying all through the
night with nobody to talk to, At a point in time, I
thought of calling segun but I couldn't. I was
seriously angry and mad at him. He was the one who
pushed me and led to bimpe's "hard-way" treatment
in the first place. Bimpe shouldn't have gone to this
extreme if he hadn't chased her out when she was
here with me in Akure.
Another thought started overlapping my mind. I began
to see the whole things as the handiwork of my step-
"That woman must be a witch"
Why must my certificate be stolen at this time that I
needed it for a big job?"
Moments after, another thought came into my mind
that it must be the handiwork of the people from my
the village people can bring people down in the spirit
Different thoughts began to overlap my brain as I
circumstances. I looked at the wall clock and the
time is 3:48am and yet I couldn't sleep.
"Chaiii, I swear to God, I will personally kill Adebimpe
any time I set my eyes on her again"
I began to nurse evil thoughts on how to harm
adebimpe. I wish I knew her contacts and address, I
wouldn't mind paying hired killers to kill her.
inshort, I must take my own revenge also in a hard
me and bimpe"
Its 6am on wednesday morning, I was feeling so
weak, sad, heart broken and depressed. My eyes
were all swollen and my joints were so weak, I knew
it that if I go to work that day, I would be so sad and
it would be so obvious on my face, but I couldn't
excuse myself from work because I didn't inform my
boss the previous day, I thought of travelling to Abuja
that Wednesday morning maybe I could get to see
bimpe, who knows, she might be in abuja and
pretending to be in lagos. But I had a second thought,
"What if I couldn't find her in Abuja?"
"Do I even know where to locate her?"
"What if she had destroyed the certificates?"
"What would be my gain if I couldn't return with the
At that moment, I just wished I have a black magic to
command the credentials to disappear from wherever
it is and re-appear in my room. I began to think of
locating a powerful herbalist who could help me to
summon and command the credentials. My mind and
head were just fill with different thoughts as they are
coming and overlapping.
I needed someone to talk to and segun couldn't be
the person due to the fact that I was still so angry
with him. In fact, I don't feel like seeing him again. If
he hadn't pushed me to treat bimpe badly earlier,
who knows, she wouldn't have gone to the extreme
dressed up. I couldn't eat anything as a result of my
lost of appetite for any food. I just managed to cheer
up and proceeded to work.
I got to work and I was so moody. I refused to talk
and associate with anyone as sadness was all
written on my face. Segun was calling me but I
refused to pick up, after several missed calls from
segun, I decided to switch off my phone and force
myself to concentrate on my job.
I closed from work in the evening and went home
straight. On getting home, I saw segun seated on the
bench infront my compound. As I approached him, I
was so annoyed and furious within me, I just felt like
hitting a plank on his head. I walked pass him and he
greeted me but I ignored. I entered into my room and
he followed me inside.
SEGE: bro, wetin happen?, you just dey ignore my
calls since yesterday, I was feeling uncomfortable
and I decided to visit, you still ignored me. Why?
ME: ***raised eye brow*** why won't I ignore you
SEGE: what have I done wrong onihaxy?
ME: so you don't know what you did wrong abi?
SEGE: **pats me on my shoulder** we are no more
friends but brothers, if there is anything wrong, why
not just tell me?.
ME: Are you not the cause of all the atrocities I'm
facing from Adebimpe?
SEGE: my brother, how?
ME: you dey ask me how?. If you hadn't pushed me
to hurt this girl in the first place, this wouldn't have
SeGE: I'm so sorry about that onihaxy, if you say I
was wrong, then I admit it, though I never knew I was
wrong by teaching her a lesson.
ME: which lesson?.
SEGE: she is a prostitute and a scammer onihaxy!!,
don't you get it?. She used your money to travel
down here to visit another guy.
ME: and I'm here paying for the consequences sebi?.
SeGE: I'm so sorry about that, let's put that aside
and let's focus on how to solve the problem at hand.
Tomorrow is thursday that you are supposed to travel
for your new job, how do we go about it?, that is why
ME: Mr segun, there is no solution as I couldn't
retrieve my credentials, so I can't travel anymore.
SEGE: haaa!!, so what do we do next now?
ME: ***frowned*** nothing, you can go now.
SEGE: are you chasing me out of your house
ME: segun. I am not only chasing you, this Friendship
is over!!!, let me just face my destiny alone abeg,
SEGE: ***moves closer to pat me on my shoulder***
ME: ***removes his hand***
ME: **yelled*** ehn ehn!!!!, what happen!!!!!?
SEGE: we have been friends now, its close to 8 years
ME: and what does that teaches us?
SEGE: it teaches us that we have gone too far to
ME: thats none of my business
SEGE: ok, even if we must break up, we must first
find a solution to the present problem first.
ME: **screamed** ogbeni, sebi you heard me, there
is no solution!!!, you can go.
SEGE: onihaxy, calm down, I will never leave you like
this and I will never leave this place until this thing is
resolved. If you like, go and call police for me or get
me arrested, I won't leave here.
ME: ***ignored him***
SEGE: that reminds me, I think I have found an
ME: ***began to smile gradually***
SEGE: that's my nigga. You are always handsome in
ME: sege talk to me jaree, what is the alternative?.
SEGE: before I shipped in the alternative, why not try
bimpe's number again whether it will go through
ME: it doesn't go through since 1960
SEGE: werey!!!, just try am first jaree.
ME: ok ***stretched my hands to my bag and brings
out my phone and switched it on***
SEGE: oloshi!!!, so you switched off your phone
before?, no wonder the thing no dey reachable since
afternoon wey I don dey call.
ME: ***switched on my phone and saw an envelope
sign followed by a message tone*** e be like say I
SEGE: ***hissed, na those silly MTN people, dem no
dey let person rest, na so so silly messages dem dey
send. Abeg try her number jaree.
ME: ** opened the inbox and noticed a familiar
number*** sege, no be MTN oooo, na from a familiar
ME** I read the first line which says "its me
ME: na from bimpe oo
SEGE: really?, wetin she talk?
Segun came closer and we sat together to read the
message which says
"Onihaxy, its me adebimpe, if you still need your
credentials, deposit a sum of 200,000 naira to the
account name and number below, as soon as I
confirm your deposit, I will give you a call and send
the credentials to you via a public transport, if you try
anything funny, you will be the one to suffer the
consequences, bye and take care".
SEGE: 200,000 what!!!!, where do we get such
amount between now and tomorrow?
ME: what do we do now?
SEGE: I'm clueless onihaxy.
for this job tomorrow, where will I get 200k now?
SEGE: onihaxy calm down, getting the 200k isn't the
SEGE: Adebimpe is the major issue
SEGE: can't you see it clearly that this is a blackmail
ME: I still don't understand
SEGE: the way I'm seeing it, Adebimpe will never
send any credentials to you even if you pay a million
ME: why did you say so?
and even went to the extreme of having your vital
credentials in her custody, why should we trust her
when it comes to money?
ME: hmmmmmmmm. "Ayemi ooooo, Temi bami".
SeGE: onihaxy, come to think of it, someone who
switched off her phone all this while and only send
text once in a while, it is so obvious that she would
switch off again after getting the deposit alert.
ME: it seems you are right. So what do we do now?.
SEGE: let's do it this way. Call her number first and
let's negotiate with her.
ME: ok **dialled her number***
SEGE: is it going through?
ME: ***phone: the number you have dialled is unable
to receive call****
Its saying unable to receive call, what does that
see what I was saying?, this girl don upgrade to
ME: **wanted to cry** segun please come to my aid,
my world is crumbling, what do I do?.
SEGE: calm down onihaxy, I just thought of
ME: what is that?
SEGE: you remembered that you scanned your
credentials and sent to a particular firm you applied
to in lagos few months ago.
ME: oooh yes I remember!!!, how about it?
SEGE: yes, we will make a coloured printout and
ME: will it look like the real one?
SEGE: at least 80% real
ME: so how do we go about it?
SEGE: the time is just 8pm. Let's rush down to the
cafe down the street to make the print outs
ME: Are we still going to find a cafe by this time?
SeGE: hopefully, we should.
ME: but I don't have much on me at the moment
SEGE: don't worry, I still have like 1k on me.
ME: ok, how about the original credentials with
Adebimpe?, am I going to forget it just like that?
SEGE: my guy, when we find a successful alternative,
then we can now talk about how to retrieve the one
your wife is holding.
ME: which wife be that?
SEGE: your lovely Adebimpe **laughed**
ME: you no well, the girl wey be say I go kill any day
I see her
SEGE: the onihaxy that I know will always fall again
and again on Adebimpe's lap anyday anytime.
ME: **laughs**. Seriously sege. You know well
SEGE: na lie?
ME: honestly, e be like say that girl dey use charm on
We walked out of the room and I locked my door, we
walked down the street and found out that the cafe
had closed. We trekked to the next cafe and we
found out that it had been closed also.
ME: sege, what do we do now?,
SEGE: maybe till tomorrow be that.
felt relieved and eased. I began to get hungry and
regaining appetite for food. I dropped my phone on
my bed and went to my kitchen to prepare noodles. I
was about to empty the sachet of the noodles into
the pot when my phone was ringing. I rushed to see
who is calling and it was my uncle. I picked up the
UNCLE: aburo, how are you?
ME: I'm fine sir
UNCLE: ehn ehn. My chairman said he is travelling by
10am tomorrow morning,
UNCLE: you know what that means?
ME: no sir
UNCLE: you have to follow early morning bus. You
must be here latest 8am in the morning so that he
can attend to you before travelling.
ME: ok sir. Thank you very much sir.
UNCLE: ***hanged up*****
I suddenly lost appetite again and I began to
soliloquies, "this must be the handiwork of the people
from my village".
wall and the time was few minutes to 10pm. What
will I do now?, I have nobody else to talk to apart
from segun. I picked my phone to chat with him.
ME: sege, how you dey?
SEGE: I dey fine ooo. Hope you don dey prepare for
ME: prepare kee?, wahala don dey ooo
SEGE: wetin happen?
ME: my uncle just called me now.
SEGE: na wetin him talk?. He say the job no sure
morning by 10am. So I must reach b4 8am.
SEGE: haa!!, how you go do your credentials stuffs
SEGE: ok, there is an alternative.
ME: what is it?
SEGE: use your phone to access your mail and
download them from your email and save it on your
ME: how will I print it then?
SEGE: I will come to your place very early tomorrow
morning around 5:30 to give you a card reader. You
will insert your memory card inside it and print the
stuffs at any computer centre when you get to Ado.
ME: ok jaree. That's ma boy
SEGE: that's my guy too. Bimpe's surest husband
ME: I no like am ooo.
SEGE: no worry, na me go best you on your wedding
I logged into my mail and found my Bsc and NYsc
certificates only from my sent box. I downloaded
both of them. I then realised that it was only the
frontpage of my Bsc result I scanned. I didn't
scanned the backpage and the bagepage has my
school logo and text imprint on it just like that of the
front page. I logged in back to my whatsapp to
ME: yeah, but there is a problem
SEGE: what is it?
ME: my oracle certificate wasn't scanned along
during that period.
SEGE: what about the B.sc and NYSC?
ME: I was able to retrieve those ones.
SEGE: that is cool. You can generate an excuse for
the missing oracle certificate when you get there
ME: ok, but the Bsc result I downloaded doesn't have
SEGE: backpage as how?
ME: on our certificate. The logo of our school and
some text imprints are on the back page with two
SEGE: is the backpage the same for every
ME: yes, just the logo and the school name written
imprinted on it.
SEGE: don't worry. I have a guy who schooled and
graduated from your school 2 years ago and serving
presently. I will get intouch with him and scan the
backpage of his document and send to your
whatsapp before you reach Ado.
ME: **took a deep breath***, thanks jaree my guy.
You are too much
SEGE: what are we friends for
ME: my mind just settle small
SEGE: start rehearsing a genuine excuse you will
provide for the missing oracle certificate
ME: ok jare padi mi.
SEGUN: abeg, I wan post something on my blog, we
go chat later.
ME: ok, goodnite.
I slept off few minutes later until I heard a knock and
a harsh voice on my door around 2am to open up or I
loose my life. I thought I was dreaming, it was when
the knocks and threat was getting intense that I
realised that they are armed robbers. Behold, I
opened out of fear and my laptop and my Blackberry
phone was carted away.
I just couldn't cry. I was just dump and clueless.
"No doubt, Adebimpe has been going spiritual on me,
I don dey suspect say this girl na Emere" I thought.
Segun arrived my house at 5:50am in the morning
and met me and my co-tenants outside mourning and
discussing in groups as if someone died .
SEGE: guy, wetin do your number?, e no dey waka?
And wetin dey happen here?, person died?
ME: phone kee?. Our compound was robbed last
night and my phone was taken away with my laptop
SEGE: haaa!!, no wonder you were all outside at this
ME: **sober** na so we see am ooo
SEGE: se na only you dem rob?
ME: at all, they robbed the whole compound and took
away all valuables. Mummy tolu and her daughter
was even raped sef
SEGE: haa, na wa oooo.
ME: the thing tire me
SEGE: hope you have prepared for your trip?
ME: prepare kee?, how will I go about my credentials
when my phone and system had been stolen?. Even
my nokia torchlight is gone? And how will I contact
SEGE: no wahala. I will give you my android phone
with my line, I will be calling you with my nokia
touchlight that has my second line.
ME: then how will I go about the documents.
SEGE: along the journey, you would re-download the
stuffs on this phone and print it out using the card
reader I will give to you.
ME: ok pal. But how about the one you wanted to
scan to me?.
SEGE: I will give the guy your mail, so he would scan
it and send directly to your mail and you can print it
ME: what about my uncle, I need to contact him. I
have never been to his place in Ado before. And my
line is gone, how will I locate him? Since he won't be
able to reach me?
SEGE: don't you know his line offhand?
ME: I swear I don't
SEGE: its easy, sebi you dey use blackberry?
SEGE: and you registered blackberry account with
SEGE: then all your contacts are backed up on your
the homepage, click on contacts.
Me: are you sure I will find it?
SEGE: yes, I'm very sure.
ME: chaii, its really good to have a "tech guru" as a
and bath and then dress up
ME: ok, help me to sign in into my mail and be doing
the stuff while I bath.
SEGE: ok, wetin be that your password sef?,
ME: you no well. Its the same with the one I used for
SEGE: **laughs*** ok.
I rushed to the bathroom to shower and brush my
teeth. I dressed up and picked my remaining
credentials, some other things. And by 6:08, I'm done
and ready. By this time, segun was busy downloading
my credentials from my mail. We both walked out
and I locked the door. He followed me to the taxi and
we boarded the taxi together, he showed me how to
access my contacts from my email and behold, all
my phone contacts was backed up on my phone. I
checked for my uncle's number and dialled it.
ME: hi sir
UNCLE: hi, who is this?
ME: onihaxy sir
UNCLE: what happened to your line ?
ME: my phone was stolen sir, so a friend borrowed
me his phone.
UnCLE: anyways, where are you?
ME: at the park.
UNCLE: by this time?. I expected you to be almost
here by now, this is 7:05am
ME: I will soon be there sir. Akure to Ado is just
UNcLE: ok, safe journey
ME: thanks sir **hanged up****
Segun and I arrived at the park by 7:12am, he gave
me the phone and promised to keep intouch and also
ensure to tell the guy to scan and send the stuffs to
me. Segun returned home and I sought the service of
the food sellers at the park to fill my tummy before
the bus was filled up. At about 7:35, the bus was
filled up and set to move.
I was in the bus and I downloaded all the files into
the memory card. The phone battery was at 55% and
segun didn't give me his charger. Oppps!!!!, I even
forgot to collect the card reader from him.
phone with calls. "Where are you?, where are you?".
At a point in time, I had to lie to him that the bus had
a flat tire and the driver stopped over to replace it.
The passengers closer to me were marvelled by my
lies and they opened their mouth wide at me. A lady
sitting behind me even said it jokingly that "bros!!,
you can lie oooo" and we all laughed it off.