By christopher marlowe


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playing petty jokes

POPE. Go presently and bring a banquet forth,

That we may solemnize Saint Peter's feast,

And with Lord Raymond, King of Hungary,

Drink to our late and happy victory.
A Sennet<127> while the banquet is brought in; and then enter

FAUSTUS and MEPHISTOPHILIS in their own shapes.

MEPHIST. Now, Faustus, come, prepare thyself for mirth:

The sleepy Cardinals are hard at hand,

To censure Bruno, that is posted hence,

And on a proud-pac'd steed, as swift as thought,

Flies o'er the Alps to fruitful Germany,

There to salute the woful Emperor.

FAUSTUS. The Pope will curse them for their sloth to-day,

That slept both Bruno and his crown away.

But now, that Faustus may delight his mind,

And by their folly make some merriment,

Sweet Mephistophilis, so charm me here,

That I may walk invisible to all,

And do whate'er I please, unseen of any.
MEPHIST. Faustus, thou shalt: then kneel down presently,

Whilst on thy head I lay my hand,

And charm thee with this magic wand.

First, wear this girdle; then appear

Invisible to all are here:

The planets seven, the gloomy air,

Hell, and the Furies' forked hair,

Pluto's blue fire, and Hecat's tree,

With magic spells so compass thee,

That no eye may thy body see!

So, Faustus, now, for all their holiness,

Do what thou wilt, thou shalt not be discern'd.

FAUSTUS. Thanks, Mephistophilis.--Now, friars, take heed,

Lest Faustus make your shaven crowns to bleed.

MEPHIST. Faustus, no more: see, where the Cardinals come!
Re-enter the CARDINALS of France and Padua with a book.

POPE. Welcome, Lord Cardinals; come, sit down.--

Lord Raymond, take your seat.--Friars, attend,

And see that all things be<128> in readiness,

As best beseems this solemn festival.

CARDINAL OF FRANCE. First, may it please your sacred Holiness

To view the sentence of the reverend synod

Concerning Bruno and the Emperor?
POPE. What needs this question? did I not tell you,

To-morrow we would sit i' the consistory,

And there determine of his punishment?

You brought us word even now, it was decreed

That Bruno and the cursed Emperor

Were by the holy council both condemn'd

For loathed Lollards and base schismatics:

Then wherefore would you have me view that book?

CARDINAL OF FRANCE. Your grace mistakes; you gave us no such charge.
RAYMOND. Deny it not; we all are witnesses

That Bruno here was late deliver'd you,

With his rich triple crown to be reserv'd

And put into the church's treasury.

BOTH CARDINALS. By holy Paul, we saw them not!
POPE. By Peter, you shall die,

Unless you bring them forth immediately!--

Hale them to<129> prison, lade their limbs with gyves.--

False prelates, for this hateful treachery

Curs'd be your souls to hellish misery!

[Exeunt ATTENDANTS with the two CARDINALS.]

FAUSTUS. So, they are safe. Now, Faustus, to the feast:

The Pope had never such a frolic guest.

POPE. Lord Archbishop of Rheims, sit down with us.
ARCHBISHOP.<130> I thank your Holiness.
FAUSTUS. Fall to; the devil choke you,<131> an you spare!
POPE. Who is that spoke?--Friars, look about.--

Lord Raymond, pray, fall to. I am beholding<132>

To the Bishop of Milan for this so rare a present.
FAUSTUS. I thank you, sir.

[Snatches the dish.]

POPE. How now! who snatch'd the meat from me?

Villains, why speak you not?--

My good Lord Archbishop, here's a most dainty dish

Was sent me from a cardinal in France.

FAUSTUS. I'll have that too.

[Snatches the dish.]

POPE. What Lollards do attend our holiness,

That we receive such<133> great indignity?

Fetch me some wine.
FAUSTUS. Ay, pray, do, for Faustus is a-dry.
POPE. Lord Raymond,

I drink unto your grace.

FAUSTUS. I pledge your grace.

[Snatches the cup.]

POPE. My wine gone too!--Ye lubbers, look about,

And find the man that doth this villany,

Or, by our sanctitude, you all shall die!--

I pray, my lords, have patience at this

Troublesome banquet.
ARCHBISHOP. Please it<134> your Holiness, I think it be some ghost

crept out of Purgatory, and now is come unto your Holiness for his

POPE. It may be so.--

Go, then, command our priests to sing a dirge,

To lay the fury of this same troublesome ghost.

[Exit an ATTENDANT.--The POPE crosses himself.]

FAUSTUS. How now! must every bit be spic'd with a cross?--

Nay, then, take that.

[Strikes the POPE.]
POPE. O, I am slain!--Help me, my lords!

O, come and help to bear my body hence!--

Damn'd be his<135> soul for ever for this deed!

[Exeunt all except FAUSTUS and MEPHISTOPHILIS.]

MEPHIST. Now, Faustus, what will you do now? for I can tell you

you'll be cursed with bell, book, and candle.

FAUSTUS. Bell, book, and candle,--candle, book, and bell,--

Forward and backward, to curse Faustus to hell!

Re-enter the FRIARS, with bell, book, and candle, for the

FIRST FRIAR. Come, brethren, lets about our business with good


[They sing.]


maledicat Dominus!


FACE! maledicat Dominus!


maledicat Dominus!




[MEPHISTOPHILIS and FAUSTUS beat the FRIARS, and fling

fire-works among them, and exeunt.]

petty jokes: enterntainment / F.’s pettines

Enter ROBIN and DICK with a cup.

Comic interlude

DICK. Sirrah Robin, we were best look that your devil can answer

the stealing of this same<138> cup, for the Vintner's boy follows

us at the hard heels.<139>

ROBIN. 'Tis no matter; let him come: an he follow us, I'll so

conjure him as he was never conjured in his life, I warrant him.

Let me see the cup.
DICK. Here 'tis.

[Gives the cup to ROBIN.]

Yonder he comes: now, Robin, now or never shew thy cunning.
Enter VINTNER.<140>
VINTNER. O, are you here? I am glad I have found you. You are

a couple of fine companions: pray, where's the cup you stole

from the tavern?
ROBIN. How, how! we steal a cup! take heed what you say: we look

not like cup-stealers, I can tell you.

VINTNER. Never deny't, for I know you have it; and I'll search you.
ROBIN. Search me! ay, and spare not.

--Hold the cup, Dick [Aside to DICK, giving him the cup].--

Come, come, search me, search me.
[VINTNER searches him.]
VINTNER. Come on, sirrah, let me search you now.
DICK. Ay, ay, do, do.

--Hold the cup, Robin [Aside to ROBIN, giving him the cup].--

I fear not your searching: we scorn to steal your<141> cups,

I can tell you.

[VINTNER searches him.]
VINTNER. Never out-face me for the matter; for, sure, the cup

is between you two.

ROBIN. Nay, there you lie; 'tis beyond us both.

VINTNER. A plague take you! I thought 'twas your knavery to take

it away: come, give it me again.

ROBIN. Ay, much!<142> when, can you tell?--Dick, make me a circle,

and stand close at my back, and stir not for thy life.--Vintner,

you shall have your cup anon.--Say nothing, Dick.--[Reads from

a book] O per se, O; Demogorgon; Belcher, and Mephistophilis!

MEPHIST. You princely legions of infernal rule,

How am I vexed by these villains' charms!

>From Constantinople have they brought me now,

Only for pleasure of these damned slaves.

ROBIN. By lady,<143> sir, you have had a shrewd journey of it!

will it please you to<144> take a shoulder of mutton to supper,

and a tester<145> in your purse, and go back again?
DICK. Ay, I pray you heartily, sir; for we called you but in jest,

I promise you.

MEPHIST. To purge the rashness of this cursed deed,

First, be thou turned to this ugly shape,

For apish deeds transformed to an ape.
ROBIN. O, brave! an ape! I pray, sir, let me have the carrying

of him about, to shew some tricks.

MEPHIST. And so thou shalt: be thou transformed to a dog, and

carry him upon thy back. Away! be gone!

ROBIN. A dog! that's excellent: let the maids look well to their

porridge-pots, for I'll into the kitchen presently.--Come, Dick,


[Exeunt ROBIN and DICK.]

MEPHIST. Now with the flames of ever-burning fire

I'll wing myself, and forthwith fly amain

Unto my Faustus, to the Great Turk's court.

Enter MARTINO and FREDERICK at several doors.

MARTINO. What, ho, officers, gentlemen!

Hie to the presence to attend the Emperor.--

Good Frederick, see the rooms be voided straight:

His majesty is coming to the hall;

Go back, and see the state<146> in readiness.

FREDERICK. But where is Bruno, our elected Pope,

That on a Fury's back came post from Rome?

Will not his grace consort the Emperor?

MARTINO. O, yes; and with him comes the German conjurer,

The learned Faustus, fame of Wittenberg,

The wonder of the world for magic art;

And he intends to shew great Carolus

The race of all his stout progenitors,

And bring in presence of his majesty

The royal shapes and perfect<147> semblances

Of Alexander and his beauteous paramour.

FREDERICK. Where is Benvolio?
MARTINO. Fast asleep, I warrant you;

He took his rouse<148> with stoops of Rhenish wine

So kindly yesternight to Bruno's health,

That all this day the sluggard keeps his bed.

FREDERICK. See, see, his window's ope! we'll call to him.
MARTINO. What, ho! Benvolio!
Enter BENVOLIO above, at a window, in his nightcap, buttoning.
BENVOLIO. What a devil ail you two?
MARTINO. Speak softly, sir, lest the devil hear you;

For Faustus at the court is late arriv'd,

And at his heels a<149> thousand Furies wait,

To accomplish whatsoe'er the doctor please.

BENVOLIO. What of this?
MARTINO. Come, leave thy chamber first, and thou shalt see

This conjurer perform such rare exploits,

Before the Pope and royal Emperor,

As never yet was seen in Germany.

BENVOLIO. Has not the Pope enough of conjuring yet?

He was upon the devil's back late enough:

An if he be so far in love with him,

I would he would post with him to Rome again!

FREDERICK. Speak, wilt thou come and see this sport?
MARTINO. Wilt thou stand in thy window, and see it, then?
BENVOLIO. Ay, an I fall not asleep i' the mean time.
MARTINO. The Emperor is at hand, who comes to see

What wonders by black spells may compass'd be.

BENVOLIO. Well, go you attend the Emperor. I am content, for

this once, to thrust my head out at a<150> window; for they

say, if a man be drunk over night, the devil cannot hurt him

in the morning: if that be true, I have a charm in my head,

shall control him as well as the conjurer, I warrant you.


A Sennet. Enter CHARLES the German Emperor, BRUNO,


MARTINO, and Attendants.
EMPEROR. Wonder of men, renowm'd<151> magician,

Thrice-learned Faustus, welcome to our court.

This deed of thine, in setting Bruno free

>From his and our professed enemy,

Shall add more excellence unto thine art

Than if by powerful necromantic spells

Thou couldst command the world's obedience:

For ever be belov'd of Carolus!

And if this Bruno, thou hast late redeem'd,

In peace possess the triple diadem,

And sit in Peter's chair, despite of chance,

Thou shalt be famous through<152> all Italy,

And honour'd of the German Emperor.
FAUSTUS. These<153> gracious words, most royal Carolus,

Shall make poor Faustus, to his utmost power,

Both love and serve the German Emperor,

And lay his life at holy Bruno's feet:

For proof whereof, if so your grace be pleas'd,

The doctor stands prepar'd by power of art

To cast his magic charms, that shall pierce through<154>

The ebon gates of ever-burning hell,

And hale the stubborn Furies from their caves,

To compass whatsoe'er your grace commands.

BENVOLIO. Blood, he speaks terribly! but, for all that, I do not

greatly believe him: he looks as like a<153> conjurer as the Pope

to a costermonger. [Aside.]
EMPEROR. Then, Faustus, as thou late didst promise us,

We would behold that famous conqueror,

Great Alexander, and his paramour,

In their true shapes and state majestical,

That we may wonder at their excellence.
FAUSTUS. Your majesty shall see them presently.--

Mephistophilis, away,

And, with a solemn noise of trumpets' sound,

Present before this<156> royal Emperor

Great Alexander and his beauteous paramour.

MEPHIST. Faustus, I will.


BENVOLIO. Well, Master Doctor, an your devils come not away

quickly, you shall have me asleep presently: zounds, I could

eat myself for anger, to think I have been such an ass all this

while, to stand gaping after the devil's governor, and can see


I'll make you feel something anon, if my art fail me not.--

My lord, I must forewarn your majesty,

That, when my spirits present the royal shapes

Of Alexander and his paramour,

Your grace demand<157> no questions of the king,

But in dumb silence let them come and go.

EMPEROR. Be it as Faustus please; we are content.
BENVOLIO. Ay, ay, and I am content too: an thou bring Alexander

and his paramour before the Emperor, I'll be Actaeon, and turn

myself to a stag.
FAUSTUS. And I'll play Diana, and send you the horns presently.
Sennet. Enter, at one door,<158> the EMPEROR ALEXANDER, at

the other, DARIUS. They meet. DARIUS is thrown down;

ALEXANDER kills him, takes off his crown, and, offering to

go out, his PARAMOUR meets him. He embraceth her, and sets

DARIUS' crown upon her head; and, coming back, both salute

the EMPEROR, who, leaving his state,<159> offers to embrace

them; which FAUSTUS seeing, suddenly stays him. Then trumpets

cease, and music sounds.

My gracious lord, you do forget yourself;

These<160> are but shadows, not substantial.

EMPEROR. O, pardon me! my thoughts are so ravish'd

With sight of this renowmed<161> emperor,

That in mine arms I would have compass'd him.

But, Faustus, since I may not speak to them,

To satisfy my longing thoughts<162> at full,

Let me this tell thee: I have heard it said

That this fair lady, whilst<163> she liv'd on earth,

Had on her neck a little wart or mole;

How may I prove that saying to be true?

FAUSTUS. Your majesty may boldly go and see.
EMPEROR. Faustus, I see it plain;

And in this sight thou better pleasest me

Than if I gain'd<164> another monarchy.
FAUSTUS. Away! be gone! [Exit show.]--See, see, my gracious

lord! what strange beast is yon, that thrusts his head out at

EMPEROR. O, wondrous sight!--See, Duke of Saxony,

Two spreading horns most strangely fastened

Upon the head of young Benvolio!
SAXONY. What, is he asleep or dead?
FAUSTUS. He sleeps, my lord; but dreams not of his horns.
EMPEROR. This sport is excellent: we'll call and wake him.--

What, ho, Benvolio!

BENVOLIO. A plague upon you! let me sleep a while.
EMPEROR. I blame thee not to sleep much, having such a head of

thine own.

SAXONY. Look up, Benvolio; 'tis the Emperor calls.
BENVOLIO. The Emperor! where?--O, zounds, my head!
EMPEROR. Nay, an thy horns hold, 'tis no matter for thy head,

for that's armed sufficiently.

FAUSTUS. Why, how now, Sir Knight! what, hanged by the horns!

this is<166> most horrible: fie, fie, pull in your head, for

shame! let not all the world wonder at you.
BENVOLIO. Zounds, doctor, this is<167> your villany!
FAUSTUS. O, say not so, sir! the doctor has no skill,

No art, no cunning, to present these lords,

Or bring before this royal Emperor

The mighty monarch, warlike Alexander.

If Faustus do it, you are straight resolv'd,

In bold Actaeon's shape, to turn a stag:--

And therefore, my lord, so please your majesty,

I'll raise a kennel of hounds shall hunt him so

As<168> all his footmanship shall scarce prevail

To keep his carcass from their bloody fangs.--

Ho, Belimoth, Argiron, Asteroth!<169>

BENVOLIO. Hold, hold!--Zounds, he'll raise up a kennel of devils,

I think, anon.--Good my lord, entreat for me.--'Sblood, I am never

able to endure these torments.

EMPEROR. Then, good Master Doctor,

Let me entreat you to remove his horns;

He has<170> done penance now sufficiently.
FAUSTUS. My gracious lord, not so much for injury done to me,

as to delight your majesty with some mirth, hath Faustus justly

requited this injurious knight; which being all I desire, I am

content to remove his horns.<171>--Mephistophilis, transform him

[MEPHISTOPHILIS removes the horns]:--and hereafter, sir,<172>

look you speak well of scholars.

BENVOLIO. Speak well of ye! 'sblood, an scholars be such

cuckold-makers, to clap horns of<173> honest men's heads o' this

order, I'll ne'er trust smooth faces and small ruffs more.--But,

an I be not revenged for this, would I might be turned to a

gaping oyster, and drink nothing but salt water!

[Aside, and then exit above.]

EMPEROR. Come, Faustus: while the Emperor lives,

In recompense of this thy high desert,

Thou shalt command the state of Germany,

And live belov'd of mighty Carolus.

MARTINO. Nay, sweet Benvolio, let us sway<174> thy thoughts

>From this attempt against the conjurer.<175>

BENVOLIO. Away! you love me not, to urge me thus:

Shall I let slip so great an injury,

When every servile groom jests at my wrongs,

And in their rustic gambols proudly say,

"Benvolio's head was grac'd with horns today?"

O, may these eyelids never close again,

Till with my sword I have that<176> conjurer slain!

If you will aid me in this enterprise,

Then draw your weapons and be resolute;

If not, depart: here will Benvolio die,

But Faustus' death shall quit my<177> infamy.

FREDERICK. Nay, we will stay with thee, betide what may,

And kill that<178> doctor, if he come this way.

BENVOLIO. Then, gentle Frederick, hie thee to the grove,

And place our servants and our followers

Close in an<179> ambush there behind the trees.

By this, I know the conjurer is near:

I saw him kneel, and kiss the Emperor's hand,

And take his leave, laden with rich rewards.

Then, soldiers, boldly<180> fight: if Faustus die,

Take you the wealth, leave us the victory.

FREDERICK. Come, soldiers, follow me unto the grove:

Who kills him shall have gold and endless love.

BENVOLIO. My head is lighter, than it was, by the horns;

But yet my heart's<181> more ponderous than my head,

And pants until I see that<182> conjurer dead.
MARTINO. Where shall we place ourselves, Benvolio?
BENVOLIO. Here will we stay to bide the first assault:

O, were that damned hell-hound but in place,

Thou soon shouldst see me quit my foul disgrace!
FREDERICK. Close, close! the conjurer is at hand,

And all alone comes walking in his gown;

Be ready, then, and strike the<183> peasant down.
BENVOLIO. Mine be that honour, then. Now, sword, strike home!

For horns he gave I'll have his head anon.

MARTINO. See, see, he comes!
Enter FAUSTUS with a false head.
BENVOLIO. No words. This blow ends all:

Hell take his soul! his body thus must fall.

[Stabs FAUSTUS.]
FAUSTUS. [falling.] O!
FREDERICK. Groan you, Master Doctor?
BENVOLIO. Break may his heart with groans!--Dear Frederick, see,

Thus will I end his griefs immediately.

MARTINO. Strike with a willing hand.

[BENVOLIO strikes off FAUSTUS' head.]

His head is off.
BENVOLIO. The devil's dead; the Furies now<184> may laugh.

FREDERICK. Was this that stern aspect, that awful frown,

Made the grim monarch of infernal spirits

Tremble and quake at his commanding charms?

MARTINO. Was this that damned head, whose art<185> conspir'd

Benvolio's shame before the Emperor?

BENVOLIO. Ay, that's the head, and there<186> the body lies,

Justly rewarded for his villanies.

FREDERICK. Come, let's devise how we may add more shame

To the black scandal of his hated name.

BENVOLIO. First, on his head, in quittance of my wrongs,

I'll nail huge forked horns, and let them hang

Within the window where he yok'd me first,

That all the world may see my just revenge.

MARTINO. What use shall we put his beard to?
BENVOLIO. We'll sell it to a chimney-sweeper: it will wear out

ten birchen brooms, I warrant you.

FREDERICK. What shall his<187> eyes do?
BENVOLIO. We'll pull<188> out his eyes; and they shall serve for

buttons to his lips, to keep his tongue from catching cold.

MARTINO. An excellent policy! and now, sirs, having divided him,

what shall the body do?

[FAUSTUS rises.]
BENVOLIO. Zounds, the devil's alive again!
FREDERICK. Give him his head, for God's sake.
FAUSTUS. Nay, keep it: Faustus will have heads and hands,

Ay, all<189> your hearts to recompense this deed.

Knew you not, traitors, I was limited

For four-and-twenty years to breathe on earth?

And, had you cut my body with your swords,

Or hew'd this flesh and bones as small as sand,

Yet in a minute had my spirit return'd,

And I had breath'd a man, made free from harm.

But wherefore do I dally my revenge?--

Asteroth, Belimoth, Mephistophilis?

Enter MEPHISTOPHILIS, and other Devils.

Go, horse these traitors on your fiery backs,

And mount aloft with them as high as heaven:

Thence pitch them headlong to the lowest hell.

Yet, stay: the world shall see their misery,

And hell shall after plague their treachery.

Go, Belimoth, and take this caitiff hence,

And hurl him in some lake of mud and dirt.

Take thou this other, drag him through<190> the woods

Amongst<191> the pricking thorns and sharpest briers;

Whilst, with my gentle Mephistophilis,

This traitor flies unto some steepy rock,

That, rolling down, may break the villain's bones,

As he intended to dismember me.

Fly hence; despatch my charge immediately.

FREDERICK. Pity us, gentle Faustus! save our lives!
FREDERICK. He must needs go that the devil drives.


Enter the ambushed SOLDIERS.<192>
FIRST SOLDIER. Come, sirs, prepare yourselves in readiness;

Make haste to help these noble gentlemen:

I heard them parley with the conjurer.
SECOND SOLDIER. See, where he comes! despatch and kill the slave.
FAUSTUS. What's here? an ambush to betray my life!

Then, Faustus, try thy skill.--Base peasants, stand!

For, lo, these<193> trees remove at my command,

And stand as bulwarks 'twixt yourselves and me,

To shield me from your hated treachery!

Yet, to encounter this your weak attempt,

Behold, an army comes incontinent!

[FAUSTUS strikes the door,<194> and enter a DEVIL playing

on a drum; after him another, bearing an ensign; and divers

with weapons; MEPHISTOPHILIS with fire-works. They set upon

the SOLDIERS, drive them out, and exeunt.]
Enter, at several doors, BENVOLIO, FREDERICK, and MARTINO,

their heads and faces bloody, and besmeared with mud and

dirt; all having horns on their heads.
MARTINO. What, ho, Benvolio!
BENVOLIO. Here.--What, Frederick, ho!
FREDERICK. O, help me, gentle friend!--Where is Martino?
MARTINO. Dear Frederick, here,

Half smother'd in a lake of mud and dirt,

Through which the Furies dragg'd me by the heels.
FREDERICK. Martino, see, Benvolio's horns again!
MARTINO. O, misery!--How now, Benvolio!
BENVOLIO. Defend me, heaven! shall I be haunted still?
MARTINO. Nay, fear not, man; we have no power to kill.
BENVOLIO. My friends transformed thus! O, hellish spite!

Your heads are all set with horns.

FREDERICK. You hit it right;

It is your own you mean; feel on your head.

BENVOLIO. Zounds,<195> horns again!

MARTINO. Nay, chafe not, man; we all are<196> sped.
BENVOLIO. What devil attends this damn'd magician,

That, spite of spite, our wrongs are doubled?

FREDERICK. What may we do, that we may hide our shames?
BENVOLIO. If we should follow him to work revenge,

He'd join long asses' ears to these huge horns,

And make us laughing-stocks to all the world.
MARTINO. What shall we, then, do, dear Benvolio?
BENVOLIO. I have a castle joining near these woods;

And thither we'll repair, and live obscure,

Till time shall alter these<197> our brutish shapes:

Sith black disgrace hath thus eclips'd our fame,

We'll rather die with grief than live with shame.



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