NOTE: Throughout this e-book, you will see the word “God” used. I do this for the sake of simplicity. The label “God” is succinct and universally recognized. The drawback is that not everyone relates to it. Further, some people even have a “negative” connotation with the word “God”.
As a result, please substitute “God” throughout the text for ANY term you prefer. For example, here are a few options: the Source, Consciousness, the Universe, Higher-Self, Infinite Being, Love, Soul, Source Energy, Spirit, Supreme Being, the Creator, the Almighty, Father-Mother God, Light, Truth, Divine Being, Christ, Holy Spirit, Mind, etc.
Chapter 8 – Overcoming Control Just to recap, the mental construct of the ego-self (as well as duality) can be deconstructed by overcoming any of the following:
2) EGO (Judgment)
3) EGO (Separation)
4) EGO (Superiority)
5) FEAR Overcoming CONTROL The ego-self seeks to CONTROL the following:
I. How you “should” behave
II. How others “should” behave
III. What your life “should” look like
Here are a few examples:
I. How you “should” behave -
“I should go to college because everyone else expects me to.”
“I should feel happy and content in a relationship.”
“I should be a better person.”
II. How others “should” behave -
“My spouse should take a secure job that pays enough so we won’t have to struggle.”
“My boss should appreciate me.”
“My family and in-laws should do more to get along with me.” III. What your life “should” look like -
“I should have met someone special by now to share my life with.”
“I should have been a millionaire by now.”
“I should not have all these problems in my life (regarding my finances, my relationships, my career, my health, my children, my weight, my depression, etc.)”
In order to overcome CONTROL, it is necessary to surrender your EXPECTATIONS of how you “should” be, how others “should” be, and how your life “should” be. Remember, it is the ego-self that creates the EXPECTATION of how things “should” be in your life.
As a result, discontentment arises when an EXPECTATION is not met that “should” have been met. Typically, the greater the EXPECTATION, the greater the discontentment (upon failing to achieve the particular expectation).
The ego-self’s need to CONTROL is based in FEAR. This CONTROL provides a temporary feeling of safety and security. However, this CONTROL quickly goes from a feeling of safety and security to one of feeling trapped, confined, stuck, blocked, etc.
This is because the more you attempt to CONTROL everyone & everything in your life, the more CONTROL will be reflected back to you. Simply stated, the energy you emit will be the same energy that returns to you (i.e. the more CONTROL you exert results in you feeling more and more CONTROLLED, over time).
If you could completely eliminate ALL of those EXPECTATIONS that “should” be met to make you happy, you would completely eliminate ALL of your STRUGGLES. As a result, Peace and Joy would follow easily and naturally. In order to overcome CONTROL, it is necessary to eliminate the word “should” from your mental dialogue.
As part of the illusion of duality, the ego-self creates a mental framework of all that you “should” experience in life and all that you “should not” have to experience. In reality, there are no “shoulds” – You create them in your mind.
The ego-self creates immense resistance to many of the situations in your life. In Truth, every experience that occurs in your life happens for a specific reason. If it weren’t of value to you spiritually, you wouldn’t be going through it. This is the MECHANISM of Divine Order.
The MECHANISM of Divine Order The MECHANISMof Divine Order operates on the basis of economy of motion - There is no wasted movement or energy. ALL OF YOUR EXPERIENCES are orchestrated for your evolvement and growth, no matter how “negative” or painful they may seem. Each and every experience is manufactured through the following two means:
1) Prior to every incarnation, ‘you’ (as Divine Consciousness, Spirit, Soul, etc.) pre-plan specific people and circumstances to be in your life for the purpose of growth and learning. This may also involve lessons of a karmic nature. Major areas of learning include FORGIVENESS, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, and NON-JUDGMENT.
2) You attract your OUTER circumstances through your VIBRATIONAL LEVEL of Consciousness (Your VIBRATIONAL LEVEL is determined through the totality of all of the following: your thoughts, your beliefs, your feelings, your emotional state, your judgments, your fears, etc.). You’re attracting everything on a continual basis according to your VIBRATIONAL LEVEL.
As such, it’s not something that you can ‘turn off or on’. Some people refer to this as the Law of Attraction (Although, the definition of the Law of Attraction varies greatly from person to person).
Thus, the experiences that you attract into your life afford you the opportunity to grow and evolve. Therefore, no matter what you’ve ended up attracting into your life, those situations areexactly what you need to face (and overcome). Once overcome, new experiences (and people) are able to manifest in your life.
These two components operate in tandem as the MECHANISM of Divine Order. As such, none of your experiences in life (no matter how small) are haphazard, coincidence, or luck. Furthermore, in Truth, there are absolutely no victims (or victimization) of any kind. Whenever it appears otherwise, it is simply the result of you ‘buying into the illusion’. So, what can you do to specifically overcome CONTROL? I. The ego-self’s CONTROL over YOU -
Allow yourself to be and do what your heart desires. The heart wants what the heart wants. Don’t judge it (no matter what it wants). Your heart is your GUIDE along Life’s Path. How are you to know what path to follow if you do not follow your guidance (i.e. your heart-felt desires)?
For those who cannot stand to allow you the freedom to pursue your deepest heart-felt wishes, you’ll have a decision to make. You’ll have to decide whether to maintain the relationship or not. However,it is not your responsibility to make others happy by acquiescing to THEIR desires for you. They are solely responsible for their own Joy and Peace.
Likewise, you are solely responsible for yours. Consequently, no one and no-thing can make you joyful. No amount of OUTER seeking will ever get you there. True and lasting Joy and Peace are found WITHIN.
II. The ego-self’s CONTROL over OTHERS -
Allow others to do exactly as they wish. Allow them the freedom to be who they wish to be. If you can’t handle allowing them to be and do what they really desire, then you’ll have to make a decision. You’ll have to decide whether to maintain the relationship or not.
However, if you are able to surrenderyour CONTROL over them, you will give yourself true freedom. The freedom you allow them will reflect back to you.
III. The ego-self’s CONTROL over CIRCUMSTANCES -
Allow your life to unfold as it is meant to. You are experiencing this lifetime for a specific purpose. It will become clearer to you what that purpose is once you surrender your personal CONTROL over it.
All attempts to steer your life down a narrow path under your tight CONTROL will ultimately fail to bring you lasting fulfillment. This is because we (i.e. ego-selves) do not truly know what is best for us. If we did, we could easily set our course, achieve our goals, and live in a perpetual state of Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment.
The answer lies in surrendering your personal CONTROL and substituting it for DivineCONTROL. You do this by living in Present Moment and allowing Source (God) to guide you along Life’s path.
Prior to your present incarnation, you devised a ‘plan’ for your evolvement and you knew what you came here to experience. Once here, the veil (of the earth plane) keeps you from knowing what that plan is. The unfolding of that ‘plan’ holds within it your deep satisfaction, fulfillment, and Joy. Simply put, as you seek greater personal CONTROL, you block the unfolding of your ‘plan’. As you surrenderpersonal CONTROL, the ‘plan’ reveals itself to you in wonderful and unexpected ways.
SURRENDER SURRENDER is a KEY way to deconstruct the ego-self’s CONTROL. You surrender your problems to God (Source). Surrender is extremely powerful because it allows you to completely give up the struggle. It takes the burden off of you and places it in the hands of God. No longer do you have to struggle and toil because now that job belongs to God.
When you surrender your struggle, you always gain a sense of peace and calm. By the way, if you’re having difficulty with surrendering something, ask God (Source) for help.
Start by surrendering the smaller issues of CONTROL. Over time, you’ll be able to surrender the larger ones. As mentioned, FEAR = EGO = CONTROL. Thus, when you surrender one, you lessen all three.
For example, the more CONTROL you surrender, the more FEAR you conquer, and the more EGO you diminish. Surrender always conquers these THREE – It’s not always easy, but it works. Of course, the greatest form of surrender is to SURRENDER YOUR LIFE to God (Source). You completely relinquish CONTROL over your life. Remember, in the seeds of surrender come the fruit of success. To be more specific, the process of Surrender involves the surrendering of your EXPECTATION of how your life "should" be. This is the source of all struggles. The ego-self creates the EXPECTATION of how things "should" be in your life. Once you surrender the EXPECTATION, the struggle ceases to exist.
With Surrender, you're surrendering to "what is". It is COMPLETE ACCEPTANCE of your current situation (no matter what that situation is). Suffering is caused by the failure to accept “what is”. In other words, suffering is caused by resistance. Through complete acceptance of "what is", Peace and Joy are gained.
Of course, this does not imply that one has to relinquish all of his or her desires (and preferences). To do more, be more, achieve more, can still be your underlying intention. But, only through accepting "what is", at this (and every) moment, is true Peace obtained.
An Example of Surrender (My Story) February 2011-
Here's a brief account of my story: After years and years of effort and heartache, I finally got so tired of the struggle that I surrendered my life to God.
I got to the point that I finally said, "God, I just can't do this anymore. I can't continue to struggle over money, career, being 'successful', finding something I'm passionate about, etc. I give up. I COMPLETELY SURRENDER MY LIFE TO YOU. I relinquish all CONTROL to you God." I was in tears. I was doubled over in emotional pain. I resolved myself to the fact that I would never be a "success"; I would never really be good at anything; I would never be carefree with money; I would never find a career I'd be passionate about and would never be able to do anything MEANINGFUL in life. It felt like a part of me was dying. I realize now that a part of me did die that moment - a big part of my ego. That's why it felt so painful. It was excruciating. I had to let go of everything that I felt really attached to.
You have to realize that I had been struggling with this for 30 years, literally (ever since I was 18 years old). I always felt stuck, frustrated, powerless, etc. regarding career, "success", and money. I wanted these things so badly (in order to prove something to myself and others). So, as mentioned, I completely surrendered my life to God. It was in God's hands now.
Two days later, I had the No-Self experience (through an online book called Butterflies are Free to Flyby Stephen Davis). A few more days after that, the information for this e-Book was ‘downloaded’ into my mind. I use the term ‘downloaded’ because it felt like I couldn’t shut off the information. The following will explain in a bit more detail.
After I had the No-Self experience, I could not get to sleep. I would lie awake in bed for hours. My body developed a constant vibration that felt like an energy source. The entire methodology showing how one could have the No-Self experience flooded into my mind. In addition, enough information to write the e-book flooded into my mind. My life is completely different now. I'm not the same person I was before. I don’t struggle or stress over much anymore. I feel a sense of true Joy, Peace, and Love. I rarely think about the past or future anymore. Money no longer concerns me. I don’t feel the need to CONTROL situations or other people. Most of the fears I had are gone. Also, after years of fruitless searching, I’ve finally found my true passion in life. This is my passion: Living the Truth that We Are All ONE, Practicing the Presence of God, FEELING LOVE FOR EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, Meditation, assisting others (when requested), and continuing to create free websites. Realize though, transformation doesn’t have to take years. Getting to this point occurred over the course of just a few months. It was all because I decided to SURRENDEReverything to God. It took just one decision and happened in one moment. It’s funny though - it took me 30 years to make that ONE DECISION and to get to that ONE MOMENT.
I continue to be in awe of the Truth of Who We Are. I contemplate it all the time. I just can't get over the fact that: not only are we all brothers and sisters, we are ONE and the same. This boggles the mind. This is astonishing. I don’t think it will ever cease to amaze me.
Staying in Present Moment EXPECTATIONS (that “should” be met) always focus on the future. In other words, EXPECTATIONS revolve around what your life “should” look like in the future. They are always future-oriented.
These future EXPECTATIONS are a product of the ego-self. This is because the ego-self derives its power from the future and the past. As such, the ego-self can only exist in the future (as fear, worry, anxiety, etc.) or in the past (as regret, guilt, sorrow, etc.). Thus, the ego-self cannot exist in the Present Moment. As a result, in addition to SURRENDER, staying inPresent Moment is effective for overcoming CONTROL. Consequently, it is effective in deconstructing the ego-self. Focusing on the Present Moment precludes the ego-self from obsessing on future worries, fears, and anxieties. It also precludes the ego-self from obsessing on past regrets, guilt, and sorrows.
Note: In the context of this discussion, EXPECTATIONS are not the same as INTENTIONS. EXPECTATIONS that ‘must’ be met in order to be happy in life involve attachment to a specific outcome. In contrast, INTENTIONS are completely free of attachment and are not required for one to be happy. INTENTIONS allow you to remain detached. EXPECTATIONS do not.