Discourse # Anger Management

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Discourse # 4. Anger Management

May 6, 2006 – Day 4 (10 am to 1 pm)

  • Vandami Namam Sami – greeting Swami Ji

  • Yoga and meditation

  • Surya Namaskar is a 12-step all-inclusive yoga

  • Navkar Mantra

  • Breathing Meditation with Aumkar Dhwani

Anger Management

  1. There are 2 kinds of beauty in this world: 1) physical (sharir) and 2) attitudinal (svabhav)

  • We spend more time on improving physical features than improving our attitude. First impressions might be what everyone notices first, but it is attitude that will make us stand out.

  • Neglect and hate are attitudes that will decrease our relationships between families (husband/wife, mother-in-law/daughter-in-law).

PQ: Physical Quality IQ: Intellectual Quality EQ: Emotional Quality

***We must change our attitudinal beauty to lead a happy life***

  • What is the difference between attraction and true love?

  • Attraction is DILUTED love whereas true love is always increasing and improving. Feelings and caring for someone always are increasing. Attraction can play a role in true love bot not vice versa. Example: Krishna and Meera (true love)

  • Attitudinal beauty is better than physical beauty

  • 1) Physical beauty cannot hide a bad attitude. It will reflect it, not ignore it. But… attitudinal beauty can hide ugly physical features!

  • 2) Svabhav ni kurupta: When our lifespan ends and we go into our next life, will the world remember our attitudinal beauty or physical beauty? ATTITUDINAL BEAUTY!

  • Ugly physical beauty: Gandhiji, Socrates, Abdul Kalam (current president of India, NOT Prime Minister, but President) were ugly. But they all had powerful attitudinal beauty which what we all remember and admire today

  • It is fine to maintain a decent physical beauty, but DON’T ignore your attitudinal beauty!

  1. Four kashays (passions): anger, ego, deceit, greed. FIRST passion is anger as it is the most visible. No one ever has all 4 passions in same person. If person has anger, they won’t have greed or deceit. Greed is the most dangerous as it is internal  not visible, so hardest to destroy!

  1. Anger: if you want peace, you don’t need any company. But for anger, you need company/ or a partner (minimum of 2 people are required for anger).

  • Just as water on the gas stove heats up, and then when you remove water from the gas, it cools down… our soul is like water. It is cool, but our mind is like gas  it can fill up with anger. It is part of the qualities of being (chetna, consciousness)

  1. There are 2 types of anger: active and passive

  • Active is when it is easy to see and observe other people’s anger (visible).

  • Passive is when the anger is internal and not obvious (not physical). Ex. Revenge, internal ideas which are bad about other people
  • Passive anger is worse than active anger, because it is more dangerous. You are playing mind-games and making a ‘mountain out of a molehill’. This gets lots of bad karma and past history that was buried comes out. One thing builds upon another and soon enough, it is out of control. Quietly, you are judging people.

  • The way to win over your anger, is to test your anger in unfavorable conditions. You are not angry till someone triggers your anger. If you sit on the Himalayas, and then come down and say you never got angry there. That is not true. This occurred because a situation that could cause anger did not present itself to you.

Passive Active

Alone In a crowd

Non-favored Favored

Farther relations (reputation, prestige) Closer relations

  • Passive anger will not get to be mild and manageable until you learn to forgive, forget, and repent.

  1. Why do people get angry so easily?

  • 1) pride/ego – “How dare she talk like that to me?” You get upset and consider yourself insulted because you have an ego. You have decreased tolerance and patience.

  • 2) High unfulfilled expectations, lower your expectations (go from high to minimal to none)

  • 3) Negative attitude/approach (you are constantly angry). It is a chain reaction. The reason of anger is NOT the situation that you are in, but it IS the negative thought regarding the situation.
  • Stop negative thoughts by counteracting them with positive thoughts. Story: there was once a monk who came to visit a village to give a lecture. The villagers did not like him and wanted to secretly insult him. So they planned a fake, respectable ceremony to welcome him. When the monk approached the stage, they put a garland of shoes around his neck, instead of the traditional garland of flowers. He gave a speech, “Thank you for this garland of shoes. I was very worried that my disciples who will be here shortly would have nothing to wear to cover their feet from the summer heat, but you all were so thoughtful! Now I can provide them with shoes. Thank you once again for your generosity.”

Just think to yourself, “Life is already has complex as it is. Why would you want to life more difficult for yourself?”

  • 4) “Workaholic”: people who are always over-busy and are addicted to their job. They even create work for themselves. For instance, if they are late to work while driving and have to stop at 2-3 red signals, their frustration will mount and they will start piling work upon themselves and drive themselves into a frenzy.

  • Being active is good, but there should be a good balance. Many times people have beautiful patios made, and they don’t ever use those patios because of lack of time.


  1. Increases blood pressure (especially passive anger)

  2. Cannot focus on work or task at hand

  3. Spoils and creates bad relations

  4. Brings negative, bad karma

  5. Destroys love in the relationships

  6. Wastes energy


  1. Always speak slowly. Hyper people (walk, talk and eat fast) = definitely has anger in them…

  2. Make a vow to stay silent for 30 minutes everyday (ladies in morningtime and men in evening)

  3. Don’t accept negative behavior of others, but let it go. If you don’t accept the negativity, it will stay with the initiator.
  4. If someone talks about you behind your back, you obviously get very upset, and sometimes very angry. So make it a point to NOT share the negative things that you hear about people to their face or with anyone else. This should be your duty.

  5. Reaction is IMMEDIATE whereas response is DELAYED. Always increase your response time (positive thing) and decrease your reaction time (negative thing). Reaction ALWAYS escalates and multiplies. You want the response to multiply. Story: Once, the wife was making rotis/chapatis and by mistake, there were some tiny pebbles mixed into the dough. The husband started eating the hot rotis and instantly exclaimed, “What did God give you eyes for? Can’t you see the stones in the dough?” The wife instantly snapped back, “God also gave you 32 sets of teeth to eat the rotis.” Here, the reaction generated another reaction… Instead, the husband could have nicely informed the wife about the pebbles instead of being rude. He should have waited to create a response, not a reaction.

Attitude can always be improved upon. A nice response will generate a nicer response back.

  1. Reply after 5 minutes OR after counting to 10 so that only a RESPONSE is generated.

Story: George Bernard Shaw, a famous author, was in London giving a speech. He gave the wrong birthdate of Abraham Lincoln while he was talking. The very next day, he received a nasty, inconsiderate e-mail from one of the audience members. The writer of the letter rudely corrected Mr. Shaw on his mistake. So, Shaw, being a great writer himself, wrote the other person an equally rude letter back… The next morning, he noticed that the letter had not been mailed yet. Just to be sure, he reread the letter. He instantly regretted his words, and he began to write a letter that appreciated the correction of the mistake.

  • Now in America, when employers conduct interviews, they measure EQ instead of IQ nowadays.
  • It is not always a smart idea to make things clear. There should be a certain degree of understanding with people. Appreciate their virtues and ignore their vices. You don’t have to tell a person about EVERY fault they have or even ANY faults that they have. Be accepting of everyone and seek out the good in everyone. Your life will thank you for it.

  • End of discussion and Manglik

©2006 Shrutpragyaji Swamiji

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