Do you have a dream? What’s your dream? A nice job? A beautiful house? A sweet family? Everyone has a dream, and my dream is -to Travel travel around the Worldworld. We only capitalize proper nouns in English

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My Dream

Do you have a dream? What’s your dream? A nice job? A beautiful house? A sweet family? Everyone has a dream, and my dream is -to Travel travel around the Worldworld. (We only capitalize proper nouns in English.)

As mMy father was a diplomat. I was livinged in Africa when I was 2 months old. (The two previous sentences were fragments. Connect them or make them full individual sentences.) I had visited several countries with my family, such as America, Canada, France, Holland, Germany, Spain and England.

When Each time our airplane we transferred the airplane intransited through Paris everytime, we always take took some several days to visit the Disneyland. I liked to set sail on an the enchanted boat ride. I experienced the joys of Looking looking around at the scenes of different cultures and experiencing the joy of creatively costumed dolls, elaborate sets, unforgettable music and my favorite Disney characters. These wonderful memories in at the Little Small World exhibit inspired me to have the intention to travel around the world. (“Inspired me” and “have the intention” is repetitive.)

Moreover, my mom’s mother’s experiences have also inspired me so muchimmensely. After she graduated from university, she went to studyied in France for 7 seven years. During her wonderful young youthwonderful time, she has made a lots of foreigner friends, tasted exotic foods, spoke different languages and adapted to various cultures. Her old stories sounded very interesting to me. I hoped that I canto have the same wonderful experiences as my mommother. SoTherefore, I made up my mind I to will travel around the world by myself someday.

If I could travel around the world, I will would visit all the amusement parks first, especially the five biggest Disneylands in the world. Besides, I want to enjoy having eating many kinds of delicious food and experience different folk customs and cultures by myselfpersonally. Then, I want to visit all the tourist attractions of in the world and view marvelous sights one by one. When I am old, they will become my most cherished memories.

Although I have traveled around to some several countries with my family, there are still some strange places in the world waiting for my discoveringdiscovery. (This is common usage.) My dream is to travel around the world, and the above-mentioned things are what I expect. I hope my dream will come true in the very near future.

1. You have a very clear style and have only minor grammar issues to consider. You obviously are very familiar with English usage. The challenge for you now is to apply those rules more stringently to your writing.

2. Your essay is well structured. You might want to rethink your concluding paragraph so that it comes across as an interesting part of your essay, instead of being a throwaway reminder of your topic.

3. Try to make each sentence in every paragraph meaningful. If it has already been said previously and adds no further information, cut the sentence from the paragraph.

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