Florida Treasures Grade 5 Teacher’s Editions Unit Writing Workshop Anchor Papers: Student Writing Samples Grade 5 Unit 1 Writing: Personal Narrative Score Point 2 My New Bike

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Florida Treasures

Grade 5 Teacher’s Editions

Unit Writing Workshop

Anchor Papers: Student Writing Samples
Grade 5 Unit 1 Writing: Personal Narrative

Score Point 2

My New Bike

by Tyler C.


My bike has a flat tire. I like dogs. I need a bike. Because it had a broken chain. My parents say they will buy me a bike not the one my friend Allen had. That bike costed twice as much as the one at the store. They would buy. My dad would pay half. I have to pay the other.

I walk my neighbor’s dog. He pays me five dollars. I like animals. Especially dogs. I have a dog and it knows to do seven different tricks. I start a busines. Like my friend Jeff’s big brother. So I could make money.

I ask friends. My mom helps make signs. We put the signs. People call. I have five jobs. My sister had to help. I walk the dogs for two months. Then I have enough money. The bike was good.

My mom and dad and I was pretty proud of myself. I kept my jobs. I like the dogs. I want to save money. To buy a helmet.


Focus—The writer tried to tell a story about earning money to buy a new bike, but the focus was not always clear. Some ideas, such as “I have a dog and it knows [how] to do seven different tricks,” did not belong in this story.

Organization—The events in this story are not always in correct time order, and the sequence is not always clear. For instance, in the first paragraph the statement “I like dogs” is out of place.

Support—Lack of modifying adjectives leaves only the bare bones of the story. It is not interesting to the reader, and it does not sound as if it was interesting to the writer either.


Conventions—The writer makes significant errors in punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, which interfere with the reader’s understanding of the story.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The story does not address the topic directly; it lacks understanding of purpose. Focus is scattered.

Organization—There is little or no evidence of organizational pattern; it has no transitions; the sequence is out of order. It lacks any sense of conclusion, such as “I want to save money. To buy a helmet.”

Support—There are very few supporting details, and antecedents are not always clear.

Conventions—Has many significant errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage that interfere with communication of meaning.

Grade 5 Unit 1 Writing: Personal Narrative

Score Point 4

Drawing a Blank

by Winston V.

I have always prided myself on having a good memory. I hardly forget faces, schedules, or a poem. It was only natural for Ms. Sears to give me the lead role in the school play. When anyone in my family forgot something I’m the one who remembered where it is.

Rehersals went well. I hammed it up the stage, I felt sorry for these actors who stumbled around, whispering “Line, please?” all the time. How hard could it be to remember a handful of words, I thought. I didn’t think about not being very good at math class, for instance, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

I went to bed early. To have enough energy for the play. But I didn’t sleep very well. So I got up and made a samwich. Eating made me more wide awake unluckily, so I just stayed up after that and wasted time.

Our very last rehersal before the night performence. I waited for my cue. I walked out on stage, feeling a little shakey in the legs, from not sleeping very much I guess. It was time for my first line, only what was it? Ms. Sears stared at me. She said my line. I remembered the next two of them, then drew another blank. Nothing in my head. The whole rehersal was a night mare. She said “okay, go home and get some rest. See you all at 6:30.

I went home and stared at the wall. My head was like a big balloon. I felt some panick. Then I remembered what Aunt Mira teaches in Yoga class. Breathe in, out deeply. Count to four breathing out. I kept doing it. I still felt blank but at least not panicked. Then I drank water and went back to school.

On stage again. I waited for my cue. I walked on in a fog. I opened my dry mouth thinking would I lose it all again? But the words came. Breathing in, breathing out. I don’t really remember the rest of that performence. But people said “Winston, good job!”


Focus—The writer understands the purpose for establishing setting and creating a story line, and is able to develop a plot, although some loosely related information is included.

Organization—An organizational pattern is present, with some lapses in narrative sequence. The response exhibits a limited number of transitional devices such as time-order words. The narrative exhibits some sense of wholeness.

Support—The writer has attempted to develop description and action with specific details in some parts of the response. Word choice is generally adequate but may be somewhat limited. Some attempt at using figurative language has been made.

Conventions—Basic knowledge of conventions is demonstrated. The writer does not consistently use quotation marks correctly and sometimes fails to include full sentences in the story. Some commonly used words are misspelled. Most sentences are simple constructions.

What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writing is generally focused and creates setting and action, with some extraneous information. The story outline is somewhat sketchy, but on the whole the writer presents and maintains a unifying idea.

Organization—The organizational pattern is established, but more lapses occur than in the paper with a score of 4 points. Events are not always presented in a logical order. The story may be composed of loosely related events and details and does not exhibit the clear chronology of a story with a score of 4.

Support—Word choice is adequate but predictable; nouns and verbs may be chosen without precision. The writing does not contain many sensory details such as “shakey (shaky) in the legs” and “dry mouth.” The writer has not employed figurative language, in contrast to the paper with the higher score (for example, “My head was like a big balloon”).


Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is demonstrated. Some commonly used words are spelled incorrectly. The writer has attempted little variation in sentence structure; most are simple constructions. Some errors of syntax occur.

Grade 5 Unit 1 Writing: Personal Narrative

Score Point 5

In the Woods

by Sophia E.

On the second day at the campgrounds, I began to feel restless. My parents were occupied with getting my little sister Jenny through a cranky cold and taking care of all those little chores that you do when you are camping. I already had finished mine—hauled water, tidied up the tent, wrapped up garbage so the bears and raccoons wouldn’t get at it. Now I was so bored.

I wandered away from the campsite, in search of wildflowers. There were some tiny purple ones growing close to the ground. I wasn’t going to pick them, just sketch them. I made a few rough drawings then kept hiking through the woods. Maybe I’d even see a rare bird and be able to report back to my mom. My sister’s grumbling sometimes got on my nerves, but the woods were nice.

On the way back to camp, I began to get a creepy feeling. Did anything look familiar? What about that boulder, that clump of bushes? I kept going for a while, figuring how lost could I get? But then, I had been thinking about my nature hike. Not thinking about where I was heading. And now night was coming. Trees stood against the sky, their branches lifted up like waving arms. Knotholes were opened mouths, calling for help. I began to walk in circles, changing directions every few minutes.

Finally I sat down on a rock. When lost, a person was supposed to stay in one spot and wait for help. The night grew darker and the air turned chilly. I was getting cold. My heart was pounding. Suddenly I started to sing. That always comforted me when I was unhappy or afraid. I sang louder and louder to drown out the crickets and the hoot owls.

The beams of a dozen flashlights found me on my rock, singing my heart out. They weren’t stars like I first thought. As I let myself be folded into my parents’ arms, tears of relief ran down my face.

“We heard you singing, that’s how we found you,” Mom told me.

That’s what got me out of the woods.


Focus—The response is focused, purposeful, and reflects the writer’s engagement with narrative writing.

Organization—An organizational pattern is present, with a firm beginning, middle, and ending; a few lapses in sequence may occur. The writer employs transitional devices such as time-order words to move the plot forward. Narrative exhibits a sense of wholeness.

Support—The writer develops description and action with sufficient sensory detail in most areas of the response. Word choice is generally adequate but may be somewhat limited. Verbs and nouns are usually specific, and the writer employs figurative language to create description.

Conventions—Knowledge of conventions of punctuation and capitalization is demonstrated. The writer correctly uses quotation marks correctly to set off dialogue. Most words are spelled correctly. Sentences are complete except where fragments are used purposefully.

Grade 5 Unit 1 Writing: Personal Narrative

Score Point 6
High Drama

by Sierra G.

I have always been afraid of high places. That’s why what happened last year at Camp Dean was so amazing.

When I first arrived at camp, a counselor assigned us teams for the week. We spent the day getting to know each other. Next we played name games and shared our biggest fears. I told them about my fear of heights.

Our last activity was a trust hike. We had to go through a maze, follow a trail and then cross a river. The maze was really challenging. I helped untangle one girl’s shirt when she got stuck under a fence. Even though we struggled, our team was the first to reach the river.

That’s where I froze. The river crossing was a rope bridge suspended about ten feet above the water. I knew I’d never make it. My feet felt stuck to the ground. Then I saw all my teammates standing around me. They walked with me, and they reminded me not to look down. I held my breath and let them lead the way. In a flash, we were on the other side.

My team helped me beat my fear. I was proud and excited all at once. I couldn’t wait to cross the bridge again on my way back to camp!

Focus—The author tells about a challenging personal experience she had at a camp. She stays focused on overcoming her fear of heights and does not use any extraneous details. She builds to a point of tension and then resolution.

Organization—The writer told her story with the details in sequential order. Each paragraph has a strong topic sentence, and there is a powerful closing paragraph to wrap the story up.

Support—The writer uses lively adjectives and makes excellent word choices to describe her struggle with her fear. Statements that use figurative language such as “My feet froze to the ground” give us a picture of her ordeal. She provides well-chosen details about her experience.

Conventions—The writer has spelled words correctly and used correct sentence structure throughout her story. She has written a lively and interesting piece that lets the reader share the experience with her.

Grade 5 Unit 2 Writing: Persuasive Essay

Score Point 2
Make the Library More Comforable

by Dean B.

The school library is a place to read.

Now you sit at a table. With a wooden chair. This leaves the floor to sit. Pillows and beanbag chairs are more comforable.

Many do not use the library during free time. Because it is not a good place to read. A reading corner might make students go to the library often.

Making a place where kids want to read is the best. If we provide a comforable reading corner we would be making it.

Students do not waste time walking back and forth to the library. Plus, they would be more in the experience of reading. It would also give teachers another place to have silent reading time.

Focus—The writer tries to state an opinion, but it is not clearly presented and personal feelings are not indicated strongly.

Organization—The strongest opinion, which is that a reading corner would make the library more comfortable, is not given as the last statement.

Support—Not many details support the opinion. Word choice is imprecise; the paper lacks persuasive language.

Conventions—The writer has not checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and complete sentences. This makes the argument hard to read and therefore hard to follow.
What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—There is no clear focus, and opinions and feelings are not stated coherently.

Organization—Reasons for opinions are not clear and do not follow a logical order.

Support—There are no explanations given for reasons why the writer wants a reading corner.

Conventions—Spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure are not correct, and it is difficult to follow the essay from beginning to end.

Grade 5 Unit 2 Writing: Persuasive Essay

Score Point 4

Computers at School

by Lucy F.

There are not enough school computers. We should use the money to buy more computers for students to use.

Right now lots of students have to wait to use one. This wastes a lot of time. And I often need to look up information on the Internet. So its a problem.

Also not everyone even has a computer. At home. Those students really need the oportunity to work on a computer at school. Its not fair that not everyone has the same tools to work with. If it effects your grades.

Another point is that papers need to be typed sometimes especialy if the handwriting isn’t clear. Then you have to have a computer and if there isn’t one at home, what are you supposed to do, you’d have to stay really late at school but that can be a conflick.

All in all, let’s spend that money on the computers we really need. That is a good use of the money.

Focus—The paper is generally focused on the topic, and the writer understands the conventions of the persuasive mode.

Organization—A sense of an organizational structure is evident, with some noticeable lapses. Writer does not order arguments particularly well or provide careful transitions between all distinct points, but the paper demonstrates a sense of wholeness.

Support—The writer uses several facts and reasons to support the appeal. Some opinion words are used. Vocabulary is adequate, although lacking in precision.

Conventions—Most frequently used words are spelled correctly. The writer uses capitalization and punctuation properly. Various sentence structures are employed. Syntactical errors occur but do not impede communication.
What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writing is generally focused on the topic with some extraneous or irrelevant information. The main focus of the argument may not be clearly presented as in the score 4 paper: “We should use the money to buy more computers for students to use.” The response may, however, present a unifying idea.

Organization—An organizational pattern has been attempted, although lapses are evident. Reasons are not always presented in a logical order from weakest to strongest or the reverse; transitional devices may be lacking. In some areas, the exposition is composed of loosely related details. The paper does not seem complete.

Support—Word choice is adequate but may seem vague or immature. Convincing reasons to support the central argument, such as “Those students really need the oportunity (opportunity) to work on a computer at school. Its (It’s) not fair that not everyone has the same tools to work with,” may be sparse. The response does not feature persuasive language as often as the paper with a score of 4: “this should... not fair...really need.”


Conventions—Basic knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is demonstrated. In general, commonly used words are spelled correctly. There is some variety of sentence structure, although most sentences are simple constructions. Some sentence fragments occur.

Grade 5 Unit 2 Writing: Persuasive Essay

Score Point 5

Let’s Create a New Art Studio

by Burke B.


Everyone knows that our school recently received a large donation of money. Now that we have extra funds, let’s build a new art studio.

At this time, more money is poured into the sports program, and art and music just get what ever is left over. This is not a balanced way to spend the money. Many students love art just as they do sports. So it is only just and right to spread some of this money around to the art classes.

Another reason is that the art teacher does not assign more interesting projects because we simply do not have the materials. I’m certain that many students would love to construct sculptures and try their hand at jewelry making if the tools were within reach. More students would join the after-school art program, too, if it was a more exciting experience. Currently, the sports program has too many students to handle.

The strongest reason for creating a new art studio is that with better equipment and supplies, students with a passion for art will thrive. We’ll have the opportunity to work on our techniques using the very best of what is available. Some of us may even grow up be profesional artists one day.

So if you care about art, support the building of a new art studio. It would be a wise use of the money.

Focus—The response is focused on the topic, and the writer ably handles the conventions of the persuasive mode. The opinion is clearly stated and restated in the conclusion.


Organization—A sense of an organizational structure is evident, with reasons organized from weakest to strongest. The writer typically presents transitions between points. The paper demonstrates some sense of wholeness.

Support—The writer uses facts and reasons to support the appeal. Persuasive language, including opinion words, is used. Vocabulary is adequate or better.

Conventions—Commonly used words are spelled correctly. The writer follows the conventions of capitalization and punctuation. Various sentence structures are employed. Syntactical errors occur but do not impede communication.

Grade 5 Unit 2 Writing: Persuasive Essay

Score Point 6
A More Beautiful School

by Keiko H.

There is no better way to spend the donation than on making our school a more beautiful place. Purchasing and planting bushes and trees would be the best way to use the money.

Currently, the school’s grounds are very plain. Adding more colorful bushes and trees would improve our look and make the building more inviting.

Another great reason to use the donation to buy plants is that it would give our school community a project that we can all do together. Working together would help teachers and students build relationships with each other!

The best reason for using the donation to buy plants is that they would change the area around the playground into a pleasant park. Adding trees would give students and members of the community a cool, shady place to sit in the neighborhood. It would be the perfect place to relax and talk. Plus, as the trees grow, they will continue to add shade, benefiting everyone for many years.

I believe that buying bushes and trees is the best way to spend the donation because it will benefit all members of the community.

Focus—In the first paragraph the author states her clear opinion about how to spend a donation. She is very clear about her reasons for using the money to make her school more beautiful, and she uses persuasive words and phrases such as “There is no better way to spend the donation. . . .” to show her feelings.

Organization—The writer gives her reasons for spending the donation to buy bushes and trees in a series of logical arguments, that are separated into paragraphs She saves her best reason, the fact that it would change the area into a pleasant park, for last.

Support— The writer gives explanations, facts, and examples about why she wants to use the money for plants. She also talks about the benefits for the future of her community.

Conventions— The writer has checked her spelling, her sentences, and her punctuation. This has made it easy for the reader to follow her persuasive essay.

Grade 5 Unit 3 Writing: Fictional Narrative

Score Point 2
Secret Talent

by Mary S.

It was hot. Lena was swetting. She had to play piano in the assembly.

Lena plays piano since kindergarten. None of her friends knew. Then an announsement asked for a student. To play in a school assembly.

Lena planned to ignor the announsment and keep her secret. Mr. Mason the school’s music teacher had plans.

He asked if she would play. The frightened part of Lena wanted to say “no” but the musician part said, “Sure, I’ll do it.”

She was regretting those words. Mr. Mason motioning to her, It was her turn. She climbed the steps. She played. When she finished, clapping.

Rosa said she was amazed. Lena said it was secret. Rosa was glad she shared it.

Focus—The writer is telling a story of someone who has to play piano for an assembly program, and how nervous she is. Although the story tells about the ordeal, it is often difficult to follow.

Organization—The story seems to have some order to it, but the lack of transition words and the incorrect verb tenses make it hard for the reader to grasp what is happening and when it is happening.

Support—There is some depth to some of the ideas, but word choice is weak and does not help the reader feel Lena’ s panic and upset.

Conventions—Spelling is not always correct. Punctuation or lack of it interferes with meaning of some sentences. Full sentences are not always used, making meaning hard to grasp.
What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The story does not stay focused on the story. The writing may reflect a limited understanding of purpose, audience, and the fictional narrative mode.

Organization—Lack of transition words and underlying sequence makes it hard to understand the story.

Support—Supporting details do not always relate to the story. Sentences such as “The frightened part of Lena wanted to say ‘no’ but the musician part said, ‘Sure, I’ll do it,’” would not be part of this piece.

Conventions—Spelling, sentence structure, and syntax are incorrect and make the story frustrating to read. The reader must guess at what the writer is trying to say.

Grade 5 Unit 3 Writing: Fictional Narrative

Score Point 4




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