Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions



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FW 3/6 Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name: Tiasia Peer’s name: Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

The story is very descriptive as anyone can relate to this story even if they have never moved away. I really could imagine myself in her shoes because although I have never moved away in many years, I can relate to her feelings if I did. I think that I would react the same way she did.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes. The essay does serve a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment. The story expresses that it is okay to show your emotions as it can make someone grow.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


I think that kids that have moved away from a place they truly felt comfortable at would be interested in this story.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?


The essay is directed towards teenagers who can learn from this experience. This story tells a lot about maturity and growth and strength.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The part when you found out that you were moving and heard that your father got a job in Florida

b. I also think when you panicked at the end of your story really showed the audience your true emotions.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

“This would be the ultimate test of my emotions, strength, and ability to adjust to foreign situations; I was embarking on a journey of personal growth.”

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.

Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES

Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, the writer has covered all those topics.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: I really like some of the details you used. Maybe you could add more on why you were so emotional to leave the tristates.

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? Just in general, why were you so emotional to leave New York

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed? Her Mother

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


She has to tell her that her father got a job in florida. She knows what is going to happen to her.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? YES

12. Does the introduction

a. Get readers’ attention? YES

b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: Overall, I thought it was a very relatable and strong essay.

FW 3/11Essay

writer’s name: Tanisha Daley Peer’s name: Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It started slow but it picked up as the story went on.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
No. The story was told as it was asked.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


I think any college student can relate to this story.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?


The story is directed to college students because they all can relate to it.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. I think what she went through, everyone could feel the same emotions as she had went she went to college.

b. I think the details were well explained and easy to relate to.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

The main point of this story was the changes she went through and her overcoming the fear of becoming a college student.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.

Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, she describes all the little details that concern the 5 W’s.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
I would want to know more on how her family felt about her leaving the house.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed? Her friends

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


Mother and friends

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)


her mother

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?


yes

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES

b Provide something new to think about? YES

c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

FW 3/13Essay writer’s name Betim Efendija Peer’s name Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.


The story is written really well, almost as if you can picture the events unfolding right before your very own eyes.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES What do you see as that purpose?
The purpose is to inform people of what was happening to these nations after the fall of the Soviet Union.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


People who would be interested include anyone who has been involved in a war, or who likes war stories.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?


I think that the essay is directed towards anyone from 12- 100 years old.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The sound of the whaling siren

b. the sound of burst machine guns

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Parents will always do what is best for the kids no matter the cost.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES

Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: YES

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES

Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 3 4 Why? A translation of the foreign language would be nice.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed? Betim’s Mother

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


It was also her past experience

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)


Betim. Betim’s Father

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?


YES

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: I want to hear about the Journey his father had to make.

FW 3/18


Essay writer’s name: Mike Francois Peer’s name: Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

When I read his essay, I first thought how that has happened to me in similar situations. I was surprised that the cop was dumb enough not to find any beer.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?

YES What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


I think anyone in high school and some college students.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?


Its appropriate for people in their ladder teens.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The story is clear and easy to follow.

b. The dialogue is nicely used and makes the story flow with no confusion.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
He has learned from his experience and it taught him a lesson which made him grow as an individual.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, he covers the 5 w’s.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?

Par. 1 …where did this whole thing take place.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
The friends and the cop.

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


The friends were part of this whole frenzy.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

FW 3/27


Essay writer’s name_Dana_______________________ Peer’s name: Anthony__

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was easy to relate too because I have had those same feelings during my senior year on the soccer team.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose? To show Dana’s growth.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

To anybody that plays sports.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

People who play sports and those interested in sports.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. paragraph 1

b.


*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
To grow as a person is not easy.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Dana, his coach

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


They were there.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES

d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion

a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: Have you ever played against Lance Stephenson? That would have been pretty cool.

FW 4/1Essay writer’s name: Nick Peer’s name: Anthony

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

I thought that the story took very long and had a lot of unnecessary details and references before
Leading to the “climax”. My first reactions were that the author and his friend(s) were very
When they kept arguing about whose car car is better.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

I believe that this article would gain the interest of many young street racers.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Young adults

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.



I really do not find a thesis in this story. If there was, I guess it would be to never back down.

Is the thesis specific enough? NO focus more on the thesis in the essay rather than writing


about your constant arguments with Brandon.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.


Par. 1 NO Par. 5 NO

Par. 2 NO Par. 6 YES

Par. 3 NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 NO Par. 8 YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

Yes, the author sufficiently covered all of these grounds.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

The constant arguments with your friend tend to lose my attention.

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?

All- the thesis needs to be strengthened throughout the story.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

Brandon and other of his friends.

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

There is no one being interviewed.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

There aren’t quite that many references from sources.

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

Yes.


12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? NO
b. Present the thesis? NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES

c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES

FW 4/1


Essay Writer: Felicia Peer: Anthony

Strenghts:


-Well organized
-Great use of details
-Flow of the story
-Although it was something almost everyone in this class went through, the story was written so it seemed interesting and got your intake on living by yourself

Weaknesses


-Climax is weak
-some unneccessary parts

FW 4/3


Essay writer’s name__Matt Prisco______________________ Peer’s name: Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I though it was a well written story with good details.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES What do you see as that purpose?
There is more to Poker then just winning money.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

People interested in poker.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Young adults.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. tone of the story made it describe the others and his own feelings.

b. short sentences

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament increased his confidence and skill.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES

Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES

Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed? Players in the tournament

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


Got the others persepective and details

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES

FW 4/10

Essay writer’s name: Jaclyn Peer’s name: Anthony Ha

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

I thought it was a very well-written story and actually kept me interested.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES What do you see as that purpose? The struggles of making money as a server.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


Anyone who has eaten at a restaurant.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Anyone who has eaten out.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.


Sometimes servers are tipped minimum and people don’t really understand and appreciate their work.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?

Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Travis, Kate, David

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.


They are servers themeselves

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)


customers, and her own point of view

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?


yes

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

FW 4/15


Essay writer’s name: Marina Peer’s name: Anthony Han

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The build up was very well-written. I was very interested throughout the essay but I cannot say I know how it feels to be in your position. It must have uneasy and I could read that in the essay.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

Any reader who has knowledge with September,11.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Anyone

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. First two paragraphs when you were in school

b. How scared you were for your parents

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
She will never forget the events that occurred that day.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES


Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?


YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Sister, sisters boyfriend

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

They all experienced the same thing

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

Yes

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

FW 4/15


Essay writer’s name______Diana___________ Peer’s name____Anthony______________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting?
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?

c. Is the information understandable to you?


d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined?
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

FW 4/22

Essay Writers Name: Huzaifa Peer: Anthony Han

I thought it was a very interesting topic and can be something that many of us can relate too. I think that you could fix some of the grammar in the essay and put more information in some of the paragraphs. The thesis statement can be touched up a bit. You do have good information in there as well as details, but you could add more on the social networking part of the essay. Your organization could be structured a bit better to make it more clear. Just proofread over some of the paragraphs especially near the conclusion and to make the thesis more clear.

FW 5/6

1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

The introduction was really good and engaged me in reading this essay. It was well written and I was thinking of watching this play because it sounded really interesting.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?


YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?


Broadway fans

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?


who is interested in drama and wants to find out about a new show.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. She talks about many the many awards that the show has won .

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.


Spring Awakening is an interesting show that everyone should go and see.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.


yes

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.


Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

I think you sould have talked more about the storyline of the show.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?

YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?


Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?


YES

12. Does the introduction


a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion


a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES

d. Comments:




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