New directions newsletter the domestic abuse shelter of knox county



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NEW DIRECTIONS

NEWSLETTER

THE DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTER OF KNOX COUNTY


November 2012
NEVER LOSE HOPE

Through the Eyes of a Survivor


As a girl who grew up in what I later learned was an abusive home with domestic violence, I found that I carried those same patterns with me throughout several relationships in my life. I didn’t even realize I was in an abusive relationship with my first husband until I went to the parenting class that was required by the court for a divorce. This was in the late ‘90s.
I still had hope.
I married for a second time, thinking I had found someone different, and again I found myself in an abusive relationship – only this one was mainly emotional abuse. It still had an effect on me, physically as well as emotionally. I found myself in counseling with him, but it didn’t help because he was not willing to work on things. I continued in abusive relationship after abusive relationship, the last one being the worst of all.
With the personal experience and that of family members who also live with abuse, I became driven to know all I could about domestic violence. Even during my teaching career, I went to seminars on the effects of domestic violence on children and learned all I could on what it did to children and to women. I focused on this throughout my schooling in human services and on into my studies for my bachelor’s degree in social work. I completed extensive research in the area.

Research did not lead to a healthy relationship.

Even through all of this education, I still continued to have relationships with people who were

someday I would meet someone who would be “normal” – although I realized I didn’t really know what “normal” was. I had read about all the signs of an abusive relationship and knew how to recognize the red flags; yet, when I saw them in one partner after another, I thought if I could just love that person enough, he would change and it would get better. What I actually have learned is that I was giving up so much of myself to please him, I was hardly myself – which is typical in an abusive relationship.


Leaving is hard.
My first relationship was the hardest to leave because it involved my children, and he used them to control me when we split up. I reached the point where I could no longer take not controlling my own life. It was scary to have two young children, while I worked and went to school, but I did it, and it made me a little stronger. When I knew it was time to leave my second husband, I was not scared because I knew I had made it on my own with the boys before and I could do it again. I kept telling myself that life was too short to live it unhappily. With each relationship I left, I never gave up that hope that someday I would meet someone who would treat me better – with the love and respect I deserved.
…the very worst one yet.
I thought I had met that person and let myself be drawn into yet another abusive relationship – the

very worst one yet. I was not even close to being

prepared to deal with what I went through with him,

controlling, emotionally abusive, and who drove me down. Yet, throughout it all, I kept the hope that

even with all that I had endured. He was manipulative, controlling, intimidating – every word that was used to describe an abuser. It was the scariest relationship I had been in, and I again was giving everything I could to try to please him more. The only thing it was doing was driving away my family and making me feel as though I was crazy.

a turning point in my life…
Then I happened to read a book that made a complete change in the way I thought about those relationships. The book that made a turning point in my life was, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, written by Lundy Bancroft. After reading that book, I knew that I never had a true relationship because of the men who I seemed to be drawn to or who were drawn to me. I started to concentrate on myself, my family and school; and, out of the blue, I did meet someone new. It turned out to be what I always thought I could have – a healthy relationship. It is a relationship without control, jealousy, intimidation,

belittling, name-calling, and threats. It is one where

the two of us work together. I won’t say, though,

that it’s not work for me. At times I still feel myself

slipping back into old habits of things I was used to, such as worrying about so many things I may be doing wrong. But we talk through it, and he understands and works through it with me. I can actually talk to him about things and not feel as though I have to watch everything I say for fear it may be taken wrong. I don’t have to worry about being accused of things if I have to work late or go to trainings. It is not all about what one person wants – it’s about what we both want.
Hope prevails.
So, even with all I went through, I never lost the hope that someday I would have the chance to meet someone who sees me for the person I am and appreciates me. And the cycle of abusive relationships ends. I am learning that I am a person who is worthy of having a happy, healthy relationship. It happened.

Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”



-Christopher Reeve

******************************************************************************************




New Directions

P. O. Box 453

Mount Vernon, Ohio 43050

740-397-4357

www.newdirectionsshelter.org

Loretta Godfrey, Copy Editor

Betty Pealer, Layout Design

Mary Hendrickson, Director

Like us on Facebook at

www.facebook.com/NewDirectionsDELTA


Through the Eyes of a Volunteer
I became a volunteer after reading a newspaper article written by a woman staying at the shelter during the Christmas season. She wrote how the staff and community helped provide her with food and toys so she could give her children a good Christmas. New Directions is not only a shelter but a warm, safe, and loving home to so many women and children in our community. I am honored and blessed to be a part of this wonderful organization. -Heidi Burns


























NEW DIRECTIONS SERVICES
Intervention:

Hotline


Shelter

Advocacy


Rape Crisis
Prevention:

Second Step

Child Assault Prevention

Safe Dates

Flirting or Hurting

Media Literacy

Stewards of Children

Domestic Violence in the Workplace



NEW DIRECTIONS FUNDING
Baseline State Funds
Centers for Disease Control: DELTA Project
Donations
Family Violence Prevention & Services Grant
Fund-raisers
Marriage License Tax
Mental Health and Recovery

for Licking and Knox Counties


Ohio Department of Health
State Victims Assistance Act
United Way of Knox County
Victims of Crime Act








DELTA: Primary Prevention Progresses

Through the Eyes of a Teen

by Haley Shipley

When I first became a part of the Teen Advisory Council (TAC), I had no idea how big a role it would play in my life. I first joined because it sounded interesting, I had friends that were a part of it, and one of my favorite teachers from East Knox, Christina Barnard, was now the adviser. From the first meeting I loved it. I felt like I had been around these people for years, and it was so easy to just fall into the flow of things. I began enjoying it even more when we began going to schools to present Digital Line.

Prevention of cyber bullying
Digital Line is a program for middle schoolers about cyber bullying. There really is nothing more daunting than standing in front of twenty thirteen- year olds who think they know everything you have to tell them, especially when you’re not much of a public speaker. But, during the presentation, looking out in the class and seeing that something we said got through to at least one student—that makes all of the time and effort more than worth it. Even though I loved that we were helping middle

schoolers and just beginning to develop a workshop


to help high schoolers, I knew that I wanted to do

more. So when I was offered the chance to work with the New Directions organization and be a part of how they’ll function in the future, I jumped at it. At the meeting in June and every meeting since, even though I’m one of the youngest ones there, I always feel included. I know that what I have to say matters, that what I have to contribute is going to make a difference.


I’ll take it with me…
Over all, working with TAC and New Directions has made a major difference in my life. It’s affected how I look at relationships, both in general and in my life. It’s helped me develop a voice, a sense of community, and a confidence that I can do something to impact and help my world. Going into my senior year of high school, I know that I’m going to miss TAC and the work that I do after I graduate. But I’ve taken so much out of just one year of being a part of this organization. What I do with New Directions is more than just an extra-curricular: it’s something I’ll take with me through the rest of my life.


******************************************************************************************

New Initiatives at DELTA


by Christina Barnard, DELTA Coordinator



Stewards of Children is a child sexual abuse prevention program that engages participants to actively prevent abuse. DELTA staff Laurie Thompson and Christina Barnard were trained to facilitate this program in the community. Stewards of Children teaches 7 Steps to Protecting Children:

  • Learn the Facts

  • Minimize Opportunity

  • Talk About It

  • Stay Alert

  • Make a Plan

  • Act on Suspicions

  • Get Involved.

Because 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn eighteen, the DELTA Project is pleased to provide this curriculum that encourages adults to take responsibility for protecting children. Studies show that Stewards of Children increases knowledge, improves attitudes, and changes participants’ behavior. This program is available free of charge to churches, community groups, schools, parents, and any other child-serving organization.

The Domestic Violence in the Workplace Committee planned and implemented a breakfast event for the fifty largest employers in Knox County. At the well-attended breakfast on October 18, employers were asked to make safety and support for domestic violence victims a priority in their companies. They were asked to consider how training and policy about domestic violence in the workplace could lower their bottom lines, as well as increase safety and satisfaction for their employees. As a result, the DELTA Project will be providing training to several local businesses.


Community Continues to Show Support by Donating Cash, Merchandise, Services

November 2011 – October 2012



Our heartfelt thanks…

to the following individuals, businesses, and organizations who have contributed cash, goods, and talents to keep the shelter open.




Lynn & Patrick Agapi-Gilligan

Linda Aikman

Lori Allen

Alpha Delta Phi

AMG Industries

Melinda Amheiser

Eleanna Anagnos

Renell Annett

Anonymous Donors

Apple Valley Garden Club

Ariel Corporation

Annabelle Ashcraft

Kathy & Dr. Robert Atwell

Kelly & Clint Bailey

Carolyn Baker

Rita & Stanley Ball

Christina & Jordan Barnard

Virginia & Barbara Barry

Carolyn & Russell Batt

Lori & Tom Beach

Sandy & Bruce Beidelschies

Teresa & Gregg Bemiller

Kay & Brian Benick

*Jean Bertschy

Beta Sigma Phi

Bladensburg Church of Christ

*Nicholas R. Blanchard

Teri Blanchard

Kathy Bomba

Karen Boyd

Brandon Baptist Church

Holly Bredefeld

Barb Brenneman

Bonnie & Dick Brenneman

Brenneman Lumber Company

Patty Brill

Kathie & Daniel Brown

Evy Buchanan

Maureen & James Buchwald

Laura Burgett

Katie & Keith Burley

Heidi Burns

Patty Burns & Wade Powell

Wendy Busenburg-Taylor

Therese Byrne

Dylan Carpenter

Lyndall Carroll

Center Pointe Church

Centerburg Local Schools

Century Link

Chem-Tech Consultants, Inc.

Shirley & Lynn Clapper

Rebecca Cline


*Margaret & Harry Clor

Cloverpatch 4-H Club

Janice Compton

Karen Conard

Shelley Coon

Sonia & Jay Corrigan

Heidelinde & Scott Craigo

Lee Ann Crider

Audra & Lee Cubie

Susan & Richard Cunningham

Jennifer & Joseph Curran

Jonette Curry

Melissa Dabakis

Elizabeth Daly

Dean’s Jewelry

Doug Deer

Bev & Kenneth Dennis

Dennis & Schisler, Inc.

Carola & Dr. Juan DePascuale

Ron Doup


Down to Earth

Carl Duchesne

Luanne Dunham

James Dunham

Elinor Dunnewold

East Knox Lions Club

Jacqueline Elliott &

John Robbins

Elizabeth & Kirk Emmert

Epsilon Iota Sorority

Allison Ernsberger

Marsha & Bill Ernst



*LeAnn Eshelman, President

Exchange Club of

Mount Vernon/Knox County

Faith Lutheran Church



*Judy Fields,

Secretary/Treasurer

Fiesta Salons

Laurie Finke

First-Knox National Bank

Judith Fisher

Elaine Flowers

Pamela Foster

Sally & James Fox

Jean Fullemann

Meg Galipault

Emily Gardiner

Gay Street United

Methodist Church

Brenda & Dr. Barry George

Jo Anne & James Gibson

Kim & Jim Giles

Kathy & Chris Gillen

Susan & Doug Givens

Loretta & Ron Godfrey

Cathy & John Goeppinger

Sarah Goslee & Larry Reed

Susanne Granoff

Sarah & Howard Gratz

David R. Greer

Karen Greever

Colleen & R. Bruce Gregg

Nancy & Randy Gregg

Ruth Griffing

Tabitha Gusler

Mary Guthrie

John Haas

Harcourt Parish

Sonna & Marc Harding

Mary Jo Hawkins


Donna Hedges

Pat & Ray Heithaus

Amy & Chris Hendrickson

Jan Hendrickson

Mary Hendrickson

Emily Higgins

Cindy & Bill Higgs

Beth & Hank Hoeffgen

Dorothy B. Holden

Nancy & Keith Holtrey

Marcy Hopkins

Kay & Richard Hoppe

Margaret Hoskins

Sandy Huntzinger

Sally & John Jenkins

Pam Jensen

Nancy Karam

Terry Karpinski



*Pat Keane

Kenyon College

Kenyon Inn

Kirlins Hallmark

Margaret Klapproth

Joyce & Bill Klein

Jo Kline

Knox Community Hospital

Knox County Art League

Knox County Career Center

Knox Family Foot Care

Virginia Kuck

Matthew Kurtz

Victoria Lambert

Sheryl Landis

Kenneth E. Lane

Ann Langfitt

Robert B. Lantz

Jackie & David Lehr

Jane & Perry Lentz

Sandy & Hans Lenz

Doug Leonard

Sue Leventry

J. Thomas Lockard

Kay & Ben Locke

Hallie Logan

Corrine & Arthur Lund

Gail & Bob Lyall

Amy & John Macionis

Karen Mackie

Ellen Mankoff &

Eugene Dwyer

Michelle Mann

Rev. Denise & Dennis Marikis

Karen Martin

Anne Massaro &

R. Gregory Schneider

Mather Fund

Peggy & Richard Mavis

Lou & Dave Mavis

Linda McCluskey

Mary McGavick

Mary Jane & Marion McKenzie

Douglas McLeod Dentistry

Marguerite McLeod

Linny & Geno McNeill

Martha Melick

Dodie Melvin

Pat Merillat

Rebecca Metcalf

Linda & Peter Michaels

Carol Mickley

Dee Mickley

Patricia Mickley



Franklin Miller, Jr.

*Julie Miller

Susan & Kent Miller

Millwood Presbyterian Church

Mary Lou & John Montenery

Morgan Grange

Joyce Morris

Bev Morse & Brian Miller

Gina & Loyal Mortley

Judi Moseley

Mount Vernon High School

Mu Epsilon Sorority

Mulberry Street United

Methodist Church

Jeanne & Stephen Mullendore

Lisa Muncie

Amy Murnen &

Christopher Kuchers

Sarah Murnen &

Robert McIlvaine

Ken Naylor

Sally & Joseph Nelson

Patricia & Paul Nisky

Barbara Noonen


*Laura Noonen, Vice Pres.

Georgia Nugent

Jennifer & Marc Odenweller

Dr. Jennifer Ogle

Ohio Eastern Star Home

Kendra Oldham

Nancy & Donald Omahan

Kim Orsborn

Marcia & Randy Orsborn

Steven Oster

Diana Oswalt

Carol Sue & John Owens

Louise Owens

Owl Creek Baptist Church

Erma Society

Carol Payne

Betty Pealer

Glenna Pealer

Eletha Peffers

Betty Phillippi

Lisa & Greg Phillippi

Angelene Phillips

Jane Pryma

Denise & Mark Ramser

Chrystal Rardin

Penny & Bob Rauzi

Amy Reeves

Loretta Reynolds

Royal W. Rhodes

Josephine & Charles Rice

Bev Riggs

*Dotti Riggs

Georgene & Dr. James Risko

Fran & Dr. Robert Rodstrom

Sarah & Donald Rogan

Karen Rohler

Patricia & Dr. Robert Ronk

Ross Bros. Salvage, Inc.

Margaret Ann Ruhl

John Ryerson

Leah Sack

Brenda & Keith Scheiderer

Janet Schisler

Ann & Ted Schnormeier

Donna & Willian Scott

Samantha Sheahan

Ellen & Ric Sheffield

Jane Shipman

Jana Shira

Billie Shire & Paul Gideon

Heidi & Fred Shoemaker

Florence Short

Gloria & Scott Shremshock

Norma Siekkinen

Wendy Singer & David Lynn

Hallie & Laurence Slivon

Joan Slonczewksi &

Michael Barich

Lynn Smith

Tara Smith

Victoria Smith

Linda Smolak & James Keeler

Soroptimist International

Susan & Greg Spaid

Janine & Jeffrey Spear

Joan Speicher

Stella & James Spicer

Linda & Paul Spurgeon

St. Vincent de Paul

Catholic Church

Courtney Stachler

Joan & Richard Stallard

Amy Stewart

Emma & Martin Stires

Allen Stockberger

Marilyn & Geoffrey Stokes

Anne Storan

Sunshine Sisters

Mary Suydam &

Michael Levine

Kathleen Swanger

Kerry & Todd Swinehart

John Thatcher

The Anthem Foundation

The Peters Creek Fund

Alesia & Donald Thomas

Laurie Thompson

Tomahawk Golf Course

Hope & Ed Tumidanski

Paula & Daniel Turner

Thomas H. Updike

Anita VanWinkle

Bunny Vance

Carol Vasbinder

Veterans of Foreign Wars,

Post 4027

Wanda Vickroy

Lewis Hyde &

Patsy Vigderman

Evelyn Wade

Renee Waggoner

Carole & Hal Walker

Lucy Waltman

Bonita Warren

Charolotte & Ian Watson

Janet Watson

Carole & Charles Waugh

Weather Vane

Ellen & Kenneth Weiss

Brenda Wells

Abby Westcott

Lynda & Rob Weston

Williams Flower Shop

Jeffrey D. Williams

Jill K. & Jeffrey C. Williams

Wendy Williams

Barbara & Jay Wilson

Karen Wise

Ruth Woehr & Joseph Adler

Donna & James Wolf

Candis Workman

Sally Wright

Frances & Gordon Yance

Aaron Yeoh

Kathy Zabar



Helen Zelkowitz Fund

*Board Members

Italicized Denotes Deceased

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