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The following program has earned the National Association of Broadcasters' Seal of Apology.



BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.” --Psalm 19:1-2


If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask for him. — Luke 11:13
O God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, for wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. — Psalm 109:1-2

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. — Galatians 5:24

Thought: When we became Christians, we died to the old person of sin and were raised up a new person. While we have many of the same battles with temptation, we also now have the power of the resurrection and the Holy Spirit at work within us to help us.
Prayer: Righteous Father, help me keep the dead and cast-away sin of my past far away from my heart and out of my life. May my life be a holy sacrifice that is pleasing to you. In the name of my Savior, Jesus, I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 6:22 NIV = But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 22, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 185 SHOPPING DAYS
UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL LISTEN TO A CHILD DAY.  ***MARLAR: Which reminds me, (OTHER JOCK’S) show begins at (7pm).
Today is MIRTHDAY, a day to celebrate your own uniqueness, sense of humor, and outlook on life.
Today is STUPID GUY THING DAY, a day for women to make a list of stupid guy things and pass it on.

Today is SOAP MICROPHONE DAY, a day to shower while singing into the soap.  ***MARLAR: Most certainly a stupid guy thing – I used to do it all the time.  The only reason I don’t anymore is that we use liquid soap… so now I sing into my back brush. Hey, it’s part of my mirth.

STUPID GUY THINGS...


  • TiVo-ing "World's Wildest Police Videos"

  • Throwing every article of clothing into the same load of laundry

  • Refusing to buy new socks or underwear

  • Constantly repeating lines from our favorite movies in everyday conversation

  • Thinking you're really good at poker… then losing 200 bucks

  • Forgetting your anniversary and/or your wife’s birthday

  • Teaching your kid to burp the alphabet

  • Wearing everything you eat

  • Leaving the toilet seat up

  • Turning shirts inside out so they can be worn again

  • Thinking all greens or blues match each other in picking out clothes  


TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day



COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day



Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Typing Day


FRIDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses



International Fairy Day

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day

Take Your Dog To Work Day
SATURDAY, JUNE 25

AARL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day

National Catfish Day

Great American Backyard Campout

Color TV Day

Day of the Seafarer

Global Beatles Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 26

America’s Kids Day

Descendants Day

International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

National Canoe Day


National Milkman Day

Log Cabin Day


MONDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day

“Happy Birthday To You” Day

Industrial Workers of the World Day



National HIV Testing Day

National Sunglasses Day



PTSD Awareness Day

Please Take My Children To Work Day


TUESDAY, JUNE 28

National Columnists’ Day

International Body Piercing Day


WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29

(None Today)


THURSDAY, JUNE 30

National Bomb Pop Day

National Hand Shake Day



NOW (National Organization For Women) Day

Social Media Day

ON THIS DAY

1815: Napoleon abdicated his throne for the second time after his defeat at Waterloo. *** Waterloo, Iowa? I wasn't aware that Napoleon ever came to The States.
1847: The doughnut was created. *** So if you saw a cop genuflecting today, now you know why. 
1882: The Air-Conditioned Rocking Chair was patented. It had a propeller fan mounted overhead that was turned by the chair's motion. The faster you rocked, the faster the fan turned.
1937: Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, knocked out Jim Braddock in the 8th round of a boxing match in Chicago to become the world heavyweight champion.
1938: Joe Louis knocked out Germany's Max Schmeling in the first round, in a bout at Yankee Stadium.

1959: "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton started week number four of six at the top of the nation’s music charts. It was Horton’s only number one record and million-seller. From Tyler, Texas, Johnny married Billie Jean Jones, Hank Williams’ widow. And just like Hank, Johnny was killed in a car crash after a show at the Skyline in Austin.

1959: Eddie Lubanski rolled 24 consecutive strikes – two perfect games back-to-back – in a bowling tournament in Miami, Florida. *** Which did absolutely nothing to remedy his label of “bachelor”.
1961: In Hamburg, Germany, the Beatles recorded "When the Saints Go Marching In," "Why," "Ain’t She Sweet," "Nobody’s Child," "My Bonnie," and "Cry For A Shadow."
1970: President Nixon signed a measure lowering the U.S. voting age from 21 to 18.
1981: After exhibiting poor sportsmanship, America’s John McEnroe became the only man in 104 years at Wimbledon not be made an honorary member of the All England Tennis Club. He won the tournament.
1982: Prince Charles and Princess Di took Prince William home from the hospital.
1984: The movie "The Karate Kid," starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, opened in American theaters. ***MARLAR: Convincing every 10-year-old kid in the world that he could be as tough as he wanted by looking stupid and acting like a crippled bird on one leg. (audio clip)
1985: People magazine reported 44 confirmed dead in Sylvester Stallone’s latest movie, Rambo. An undetermined number also died in the film’s 70 explosions. (
audio clip)
1988: A Stradivarius cello made in Cremona, Italy, in 1698 sold at auction in London for $1.2-million.

1990: Billy Joel became the first rock artist to perform at New York City’s Yankee Stadium.

1990: The last-place Atlanta Braves fired manager Russ Nixon and replaced him with general manager Bobby Cox, who last managed Toronto in 1985. Cox led the Braves to a dramatic worst-to-first turnaround, the first of its kind in National League history. But the Braves lost the World Series to another resurgent team, the Minnesota Twins. Cox was name Manager of the Year by the Associated Press.
1991: The Nude Olym-picks in Darlington, Maryland, included nude skydiving.
2002: A Spanish aristocrat became the first person to cross the Atlantic by jet ski. Alvaro De Marichalar landed on Miami beach four months after setting off from Rome, spending 12 hours a day on the water and sleeping on a support boat. He told the Miami Herald the hardest part was the cold weather and 18-foot waves. He celebrated in Miami by reciting the Lord's Prayer.
2003: The mayor of Torredonjimeno, Spain, declared Thursdays "Ladies Night" and threatened to fine any man found strolling about town in the evening, in an attempt to encourage them to stay at home and do the chores. Ladies in the town of 14,000 were thrilled, men were not.
2008: Gus, a Chinese Crested, beat out 11 other contestants to be named World's Ugliest Dog at a contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, California. Gus was missing a leg, an eye and its fur, but he got two trophies and $1,600, the prize for the contest. His masters said they'd use the prize money for radiation treatments. Gus was fighting skin cancer, which caused him to lose his leg and fur. He lost the eye in a scuffle with a tomcat.

2012: Frequent presidential candidate Ron Paul had admitted he's on Social Security, even though he believes the program is unconstitutional. *** “So vote for me and I pledge that – unlike me – you WON’T get a check when you retire!”

2014: Pet cemeteries in New York state were considering adding people to the mix following the adoption of a regulation that made it legal for pet owners to be buried with their deceased animals. *** Years from now, archeologists will be finding coffins containing one big skeleton, one little skeleton, and a flea tick collar.
2014: An allegedly intoxicated mom was in trouble after driving with six kids on the trunk of her Chevy Malibu in Crowley, Texas. Kisha Young was charged with DUI after the kids – then ages 8 to 14 – fell from the car as Young drove them home from a neighborhood pool. The kids were on the back of the car, because Young apparently didn't want their wet bathing suits to mess up her interior. When Young took a corner too fast, the children slipped from the trunk and were flung into the road. Witnesses said she didn't seem to notice what had happened until she got to the end of the block. Then she turned around and drove back to the accident site. *** What, she's never heard of putting the kids IN the trunk? I mean, hasn't she ever been to a drive-in movie? 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

431: The Third Ecumenical Council opens in Ephesus to condemn Nestorianism, which holds that Christ was two separate persons rather than one person with two natures.
1559: In England, Queen Elizabeth's Prayer Book was issued. During her 45-year reign, Elizabeth I rejected the Catholic faith, adopting instead the Thirty-Nine Articles of the Anglican Church.

 

1714: Matthew Henry, English Presbyterian pastor and Bible commentator, dies. His work is still published as Matthew Henry's Commentary.

1745: Colonial missionary to the American Indians David Brainerd wrote in his journal: "I am often weary of this world, and want to leave it on that account; but it is more desirable to be drawn, rather than driven out of it."


 

1750: Clergyman Jonathan Edwards was dismissed from his Congregational pulpit in Northampton, MA, after serving there 23 years. Maintaining his ultra- conservative theology, Edwards had grown to become administratively too inflexible for his congregation.

 

1865: The society known today as the Palestine Exploration Fund (PEF) was first organized. Its purpose is to provide information about the archaeology, the history and the people of the Holy Land.

 

1870: Scholars began translation work on the English Revised Version of the Bible. Released in 1881, the ERV became the textual basis for the American Standard Version (ASV), first published in the United States in 1901.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS


  • Actress (“Judging Amy”, “NYPD Blue”, Daybreak, HEAT) Amy Brenneman, 52 (
    audio clip)

  • Actress (Alex’s girlfriend in “Family Ties” – she later married Michael J. Fox in real life) Tracy Pollan, 56 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Snow Dogs, Dances With Wolves, Maverick) Graham Greene, 64

  • Actress (“The Bionic Woman”) Lindsay Wagner, 67 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“Laverne & Shirley's” Squiggy) David L. Lander, 69 (audio clip)
  • Actress (Death Becomes Her, Oscars for Sophie's Choice and Kramer vs. Kramer) Meryl Streep, 71


  • Actor/singer/songwriter (The Blade movies, Where The Red Fern Grows, Planet of the Apes) Kris Kristofferson, 80



BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1830 : Theodor Leschetizky

1913 : Dotty Todd

1936 : Kris Kristofferson

1943 : Jimmy Castor

1944 : Peter Asher (Peter and Gordon)

1947 : Howard Kaylan (The Turtles, Mothers Of Invention, Flo & Eddie)

1948 : Todd Rundgren

1949 : Alan Osmond (The Osmonds)

1953 : Cindy Lauper

1956 : Derek Forbes (Simple Minds)

1957 : Gary Beers (INXS)

1959 : Alan Anton (Cowboy Junkies)

1961 : Jimmy Somerville (The Bronski Beat)

1964 : Mike Edwards (Jesus Jones)

1970 : Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why don't our palms get sunburned at the beach?

Think about how you hold your palms. When you walk down the street on a sunny day your arms are usually at your side, palms facing your body. The sun can't get at them. Even if you're lying on the beach unprotected, daring skin cancer to take its best shot, your palms are safe. If you're on your back, your arms are at your side, palms face down. Lying on your stomach, you probably keep your arms folded in front of you, palms down. For double protection, the skin on your palms is thicker than everywhere else but on the soles of your feet, with more dead cells at the surface to keep out ultraviolet rays. 


CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Hawk Nelson's Jon Steingard: The best things in life are free. Like sunsets and people to share them with.
Jamie Grace asked on twitter this week: so if a person eats a full bag of kale in one sitting... is this bad? One fan replied: I don't think it will "kale" you
Moriah Peters and her band took advantage of the items available in their dressing room over the weekend. Moriah was in Las Vegas for a concert and says their dressing room was fully stocked with costumes. She added that it would have been a crime not to play dress up. http://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/744001201625169921/photo/1
Brandon Heath had a special guest on stage when he played a concert after a Houston Astro's game over the weekend. Brandon posted that he was joined on stage by Astro's outfielder Colby Rasmas. Rasmas made his singing debut at Minute Maid Park with Brandon and his band. https://www.instagram.com/p/BG0DyZHk9K2/
Josh Wilson was playing a concert at the baseball park over the weekend. He played a show before a game at the home of the Louisville Bats, a triple-A affiliate of the Cincinnati Reds. However the big pressure came after the show. Josh Wilson also threw out the first pitch and said it was his first ever first pitch. He told himself Don't Bounce It!  (No word on whether he bounced it or not.) https://www.instagram.com/p/BGz7tP7hkQ8/

Hawk Nelson bass player Daniel Biro was back on stage this weekend. Daniel has been recovering from knee replacement surgery. The bands drummer posted: Stoked our boy Daniel is joining us today for the first time back in three months! God is great and Dan has been healing up well!

Jordan Feliz was the headliner in a show for the first time over the weekend and the response was good; the show was sold out. Jordan's response: Thank you Jesus! May you always be glorified!
Newsboys guitarist Jody Davis is out with his list of the top 5 tour tips. Members of the band were recently interviewed by the Digital Tour Bus and, as part of the interview, Jody shared his top 5 tips. They range from "stay healthy" to "keep it simple". Jody also recommends being considerate of those you work with, appreciate those who support you, and exercise regularly. Sounds like some good advice for life as well. http://ow.ly/zsiK301r51i

 

Crowder sat down recently to talk about his new song Run Devil Run. The song is the first release from his upcoming album American Prodigal. Check out the story behind the song… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33rZCcYI-0A


Jamie Grace on Father's Day: every year I try to debate if I'll get Papa Harper a tie or a son in law for Father's Day... this year I just took him to dinner.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Why is a pizza round, but the box is square?  Now it doesn’t matter – the pizza IS the box!  The owner of Vinnie’s Pizzeria in Brooklyn, New York, has created a pizza box that’s made out of pizza.  *** You still have a pizza that tastes like the box it came in – but now it’s delicious! 

German police were trying to figure out who dumped sugar into the gas tank of a truck. Two broken fake fingernails wedged into the gas tank door led police to the man’s ex-wife. Police say they found what appeared to be a big pile of spilled sugar in the woman’s doorstep.  ***Prosecutors say the woman’s defense that Def Leppard made her do it will likely not impress the judge.  

According to a survey , 33% of Americans have dated someone who turned out to be a ‘creep,’ while 35% have dated someone they ended up calling a ‘jerk’ — and 18% have even dated someone who turned out to be a ‘witch.’ Overall, according to the survey, 21% describe being involved in a dating experience that turned out to be just plain ‘toxic.’  ***Although those numbers did calm down for a few short years while Charlie Sheen was married.  
A new study finds that while dog lovers love to hug their canine companions, dogs generally don't like to be hugged, and will often show signs of stress when hugged. ***Okay, so hugging is out… but sniffing people’s butt cracks is perfectly fine.  Got it. 
A new study finds that one minute of all-out Exercise may yield the same benefit as 45 minutes of moderate exercise.  ***Well… it appears I have a new exercise program!
Nivea, the Germany-based body products company, has announced a new product called “NOSE,” a mobile phone cover that works as an electronic nose when paired with a downloadable app. A man curious about his level of body odor activates the app and puts his smartphone near his armpit. The electronic nose then picks up the smell and evaluates it based on an algorithm created after analyzing the scents of 4,000 other men. The app sniffs out the level of stench and sends the user a notification telling them how much they stink.  ***If you’re so concerned about your body odor, might I suggest that instead of a phone app, you consider a shower. 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

An estimated 250 thousand people in the US are married to a partner who's a second cousin or closer.  *** This might explain why people vote the way they do in America.  Their brains are damaged.  

Here’s your latest global warming scare – CBS News is reporting that sea levels will be up by four feet by the year 2214.  ***MARLAR: Far, far into the future so nobody will be embarrassed or even remember this prediction when it turns out to be false. 

While modern cars are getting lighter, drivers are getting heavier -- and America's fuel economy may be feeling the weight. The Allstate Blog says that obese Americans are wasting more than 1 billion gallons of fuel per year. The Department of Energy says an extra 100 pounds lowers a vehicle's mpg capacity by up to 2 percent. Automakers are using less steel and lighter plastics to reach higher fuel standards, but more than a third of adults are obese and that number is expected to increase.  ***MARLAR: What's worse, is when you pull into the drive-in, order a rack of ribs and brontosaurus burgers, and it tips your car over. 
Sometimes you just have to take a vacation from the news. A recenet study confirms what we've all known -- bad news stresses us out. It's worse for women though. Reading depressing news effects both men and women, but women hold on to the stress much longer than guys. On the other hand, men probably shake off the stress by forgetting the stories faster. Women tend to remember the details to bad news far longer than men.  ***MARLAR: Of course the women remember the bad things longer – how else can they throw it back in our faces during an argument several years later?  "Oh yeah, well you didn't come home until 3am that one night in October of 2008!"

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Artificial Lemons”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Scott Gregory, “Paper Cuts”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson decided to nail the hands of the clock in place on the Razzleflabbin’s calendar clock tower so that they’d always read “Saturday”. But yesterday was Saturday – and now it’s Saturday again… and there’s only bread and water to drink!

CLOSE: Marvy would still rather have bread and water every single day at every meal rather than work? How long will he let the calendar clock read Saturday? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 25/26
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson’s parents were disappointed in Marvy because he refused to play or even get to know Scotty - the new kid on the block. He wasn’t friendly at all. Of course, it’s not really Marvy’s fault, because after all, everyone knows you don’t hang out with the new kid… it’s just not done… right?
CLOSE: As if not playing with the new kid wasn’t bad enough, now Marvy may never be able to play with anyone ever again – he’s washed out onto the high seas! Tune in next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

How fast can you run?  One man tried to run 100mph! How did he do...?

A Paw Paw, Michigan man became lost in the Calhoun County countryside – and his car became stuck in the mud of a field driveway.  The man, whose name is unknown and shall be heretofore referred to as the inDUHvidual, tried to push his car out of the mud but realized he couldn't be in two places at once. So he weighted the accelerator down with a metal tool box and then proceeded to push on the back of his rear-wheel-drive car.  Well, the plan worked, for the car took off and eventually reached a speed exceeding 100 miles per hour across a muddy cut bean field.  And here's where our inDUHvidual committed a second Moment of Duh… he gave chase.  The car became airborne at a couple of places, so we can only imagine the guy trying to run 100 miles an hour and attain enough speed to take off.  The car eventually came to a stop by running into a tree.


TOP TEN

TOP TEN CAR ADS... TRANSLATED
10.One careful owner - But the other nine were clumsy as anything
9. 10,000 trouble-free miles - crashed in the last 20 feet
8. Heated rear window - so you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter
7. Very clean - only washed if and when it rains
6. Lady owner - the glove box is full of half-used cosmetics
5. Clean interior - all the rubbish is under the floormats
4. Immobiliser - the gear shift comes off in your hand
3. Anti-theft device - I can let you have a rottweiler cheap
2. Drives beautifully - in a straight line; the steering is all over the place
1. Low mileage - the odometer is on its third time around

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A tip for would-be drug kingpins…
FILE #1: …you may want to consider a different profession if your father is the local sheriff. Bobby Hopper, the sheriff in Fulton County, Kentucky, recently arrested Robert Hopper Jr. after allegedly finding him making methamphetamine. If the names sound similar, you're right. They are father and son and it was Junior's second arrest by his father on meth-related charges in a month.  I’m sure it was a very pleasant Father’s Day for this family.

FILE #2: 28-year-old Albert Hoffmueller had the tables turned on him when he tried to rob a taxi driver in Germany. The cabbie reversed roles and in fact held up Albert, taking his wallet instead. Amazingly Albert called the police who then found the cab and driver at the dispatch headquarters. The driver still had Albert's wallet but then explained the situation to police and said he only kept it for the purposes of identifying the crook. Al's wallet was returned to him and no charges will be pressed against the driver.

FILE #3: What would you do if you found out your bank mistakenly put more than $6 million into your account? The answer one New Zealand couple came up with has made them the object of a police search. Authorities say they've gone on the run, after realizing the bank made a huge error in their favor. The couple runs a gas station and applied to their bank for a $6,000 overdraft - only to get 1,000 times that put into their account. They withdrew a chunk of the money and haven't been seen since. Not a good idea. Authorities consider the use of the money theft and say it's only a matter of time before they get caught.
STRANGE LAW: If your summer travels take you through Delcambre, Louisiana, don't even think about wearing baggy pants that fall so low below the waist that your underwear is exposed. Why? You'll be arrested. The penalty is up to six months in jail or a $500 fine.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Usually when you hear someone say “like mother, like daughter” it’s not a compliment. Same applies here.

Leanne Black, who at 12 years of age gained notoriety in Britain a couple of years ago when she became that country’s youngest drunk driver, has gotten her face plastered over newspapers again.  Now 14, Leanne was hauled into court again on new DUI charges.  However, Leann came prepared.  Not with a lawyer, but with a box of eggs, which she used to pelt reporters covering the trial. Later in court, Leanne was branded a “vicious little cow” by neighbors and screamed when she was told she would be jailed.  At that point she punched the prosecutor in the back, threw a jug of water over the magistrates and their clerk, kicked furniture over as she sprinted around cowering probation officers.  She proceeded to sweep the tables of their contents and yell abuse at court officials before she was dragged off.  Outside the court, Leanne’s mom mooned photographers, and then said of her daughter, “I’m proud of her.”


PHONER PHUN

Today is STUPID GUY THING DAY, a day for women to make a list of stupid guy things and pass it on. Here are just a few...



  • TiVo-ing "World's Wildest Police Videos"

  • Throwing every article of clothing into the same load of laundry

  • Refusing to buy new socks or underwear

  • Constantly repeating lines from our favorite movies in everyday conversation

  • Thinking you're really good at poker… then losing 200 bucks

  • Forgetting your anniversary and/or your wife’s birthday

  • Teaching your kid to burp the alphabet

  • Wearing everything you eat

  • Leaving the toilet seat up

  • Turning shirts inside out so they can be worn again

  • Thinking all greens or blues match each other in picking out clothes  


***PHONER: HAVE YOUR LISTENERS ADD TO THE LIST!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: A confederacy of kings was formed by Adoni-zedec, who was the king of what city?

ANSWER: Jerusalem (Joshua 10:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is so unique about the flag of the Philippines?

ANSWER: The flag of the Philippines is the only national flag that is flown differently during times of peace or war. A portion of the flag is blue, while the other is red. The blue portion is flown on top in time of peace and the red portion is flown in war time.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The Andy Griffith Show was a spin-off show. (True. It was the first spin-off in TV history. It was a spin-off of the Danny Thomas Show.)

2. Humans are the only primates that can have blue eyes. (False - black lemurs can too.)
3. Over 50% of the weddings in the U.S. occur in the afternoon. (True)
4. An ear of corn is more than 60% water. (False - 80%)
5. There were 57 countries involved in World War II. (True)
6. A phonophobe fears telephones. (False - they fear noise.0
7. Shredded Wheat was the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal. (True)
8. You are most likely to lose your hearing than any of the other senses if you are hit by lightning. (True)
9. The price of the first TV Guide was 5 cents. (False - 15 cents)
10. The Hershey chocolate bar was used overseas during World War II as currency. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ BANNED IN NEW JERSEY (HUGGING)

TRENTON, NJ -  Chris Christie has followed the Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School, and has banned hugging anywhere in New Jersey.

“We are a no hugging state,”  Governor Chris Christie reportedly told reporters yesterday.  “If  we catch anyone hugging it will be a $100 fine for the first offense, $250 or the second offense and $1,000 for the third.  After that, it’s jail.”

Christie got the idea from Matawan school district that decided that middle school children shouldn’t hug each other.  “It’s not normal or natural,” said school superintendent John Jacobus.  “If kids hug, then the next thing you know there having babies and we can’t have that happen in our school.”


THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 


JOKE #1

Three old men were sitting around, playing cards, and talking about ways to stay fit. The oldest guy boasted that, at 70, he had the body of a 30-year-old, thanks to a strict daily regimen he had followed for the past three decades.

"Yessir," said the old guy. "Up at five a.m. sharp every morning, right into the shower, then a quick, healthy breakfast -- and plain food at that; nothing fancy. Then I work hard all morning, exercise for a full hour, have a simple lunch, then go back to work. After dinner, I take a long walk -- just up and down my own hallway, really, since I can't go out at night anymore, but I do walk, for nearly two hours steady, every evening. Then I go to bed nice and early, at exactly 9:00 -- no ifs, ands, or buts. "And, most importantly," finished the old guy, "I don't drink, do drugs, or run around with women. And here I am, living proof of what a strict daily routine can do for you."

"Uh, Mike," said one of his buddies. "We've all been following that same 'strict daily routine' too… ever since the day we were all remanded to Leavenworth Prison.”


JOKE #2

Scott was working at a lumberyard pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all four of his fingers. He rushed to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the doctor took a look and said, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."

"I haven't got the fingers." Scott replied.

The doctor said, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?"

"Well, think about it, Doc! I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up."

JOKE #3

Sometimes the funniest things happen right in the middle of your own church service. Last Sunday our pastor had a more patriotic sermon, talking about God and country. He started by saying, "We live in a great country. One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free." At that moment one of the kids in the church piped up, "I'm not free. I'm four."


USELESS FACTS

Donna Maddock of Mold, Wales, found her picture flashed all over the world when a police video camera caught her driving on the A499 highway while putting on her makeup. She was going 32 mph with a brush in one hand, a compact in the other, and no hands on the wheel. She was fined $350 (US). A police spokesman said, "A car is a dangerous lump of metal in the wrong hands." ***MARLAR: On the upside, she has the best looking mugshot in England.


Police in Haifa, Israel, are searching for a thief who broke into a factory and stole nearly 100 tons of chocolate spread. They suspect it was an inside job, since the alarm was deactivated, and the surveillance video was taken. The missing chocolate was enough to fill five large trucks.  ***MARLAR: Of course it’s missing... they probably ate it!  (I would’ve.)

FEATURED FUNNIES

As you know, last Sunday was Father's Day. I went over to my dad's place early Sunday afternoon for dinner, and then after dinner we ran out to Men's Foot Locker because he needed some new sneakers.  We were near the mall anyway, so it wasn't any big deal.  So we stop in, Robin (my bride) and I take a seat because who knows HOW long it might take to get someone to take care of you on Father's Day at the mall.  Fortunately, it didn't take very long... the sales guy walks up and starts talking to Dad. Dad tells him what he wants the guy goes back and gets the shoes for Dad to try on.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight," my Dad said.

So the sales guy bends down and has a look at the shoes my Dad has tried on and says, "try pulling out on the tongue."

My dad sticks out his tongue, grabs it and says, "Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."


IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

STOP FOR DIRECTIONS!

Imagine having major heart surgery, and then, while being rushed to a different hospital, your ambulance driver gets lost!

A Scottish patient, recovering from major heart surgery, and who was being transported between hospitals, didn't arrive at the other hospital FOR FOUR HOURS because the ambulance driver had become hopelessly lost. The ambulance only arrived, finally, at the correct hospital when the recovering patient became aware that the ambulance was heading in the wrong direction and guided the driver to the correct hospital. All in all, the ambulance traveled more than 200 miles.


INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s reputation, which brought honor to the name of the Lord, she came to test him with hard questions.” 1 Kings 10:1

Money does not satisfy. Had it satisfied the queen of Sheba, she never would have traveled for hundreds of miles over ancient roads and deserts just to hear the words of God from Solomon. The human heart craves more than money. It craves answers to life’s purpose and longs to see the wisdom and power of God. Simon was willing to pay money to obtain the power of laying hands on people to receive the Holy Spirit (Acts 8:18-19). The treasurer for Candace, the queen of Ethiopia, was more interested in knowing whom Isaiah was describing than he was in acquiring all the wealth of which he was steward (v. 34). Even Solomon with his hundreds of talents of gold per year was not satisfied with worldly wealth, and his wandering, searching heart thus delved into idolatry. Don’t let the devil dangle riches before your eyes, telling you that money will fulfill you. Those who have handled vast sums of it will tell you otherwise. Use money as a tool to evangelize the world, and enjoy the free riches of the Kingdom of God!
By Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Today's Drive Time Devotional concentrates on Psalm 34:8... with a side of fries.

When I'm driving a lengthy distance and need a quick pick-me-up, I'll often stop at McDonald's for an order of French fries. When they're fresh and hot, nothing tastes better. In fact, now that I think about it, I get fries almost every time I go to McDonald's.

When McDonald's began, founder Ray Kroc insisted that his French fries be made only from russet potatoes, and that they be made from scratch every day. The wonderful taste of the fries came from the cooking oil--93 percent beef tallow and 7 percent cottonseed oil. All of the restaurants used the same formula, and people everywhere praised--and ate--literally tons of their fries.

But when McDonald's kept growing, changes had to be made. Frozen French fries are now made in huge plants and shipped to the restaurants. Chemists and technicians worked long and hard to produce an artificial flavor that matched the original.

Today, manufacturing artificial flavors and odors for food is a major industry in the United States. And it isn't limited to fries. Everything from snack foods to cereal to grape Kool-Aid has one of these little statements in the list of ingredients: "artificial flavoring added" or "natural flavor added." I really don't care as long as the taste is right.

But there is something that cannot be duplicated artificially: our relationship with Christ. True, all kinds of substitutes have emerged, from elaborate systems of good works to Eastern mysticism. But these alternatives do not "taste" the same as a genuine personal relationship with the living Christ. He is "the real thing," for He fully satisfies the thirst for God in every human heart. The psalmist put it this way: "Taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalm 34:8).

Tired of poor substitutes? Turn to Jesus Christ. Trust in Him as your Savior. He will meet the needs of your heart.


LEFTOVERS

PRETTY IN PINK

People often paint their bedrooms their favorite colors… that's understandable. But you spend more time at work normally, than you do in your bedroom, so why not paint your work area your favorite color?

That's exactly what a Cleveland Ohio man has done. Oh, by the way, did I mention that he owns a gas station? Yup, he painted his entire gas station PINK! Crazy? Perhaps. But there is a pretty nifty side-effect to his bizarre paint job… increased business! He used to sell only 800 gallons of gasoline per day, now he's selling close to 4,000. ***MARLAR: His gas station may not look "pretty in pink", but it sure looks good in the black from making the green!

LIFE... LIVE IT

E-MAIL OBSESSEDCITIES

According to an AOL survey, our love affair with e-mail may be a tad out of control. The survey found that New Yorkers are No. 1 in the country when it comes to being addicted to e-mail. While 46% of the nation is hooked on e-mail, 55% of New Yorkers are. The average New Yorker has 2.7 email accounts and checked their personal e-mail four times a day. The five most e-mail addicted cities are:

1. New York

2. Houston

3. Chicago

4. Detroit

5. San Francisco

 

WHERE DO YOU CHECK YOUR EMAIL?



The survey also found:

67% check their e-mail in bed

59% check their e-mail in the bathroom

50% check it while driving

39% check their e-mail at a bar

25% while on a date

15% in church

JUST FOR FUN

HOW MANY IS TOO MANY

Ever known anyone with more than one middle name? How about someone with two first names? How about twelve?

Most of us have three names: a first, middle, and last. But how many could you have? That was the question a German court ruled on recently. A woman had applied to a regional court to give her son 12 names - but the court restricted her to three first names. The Supreme Court later overruled the lower court and said she could have four first names for her son and set a maximum on five first names. In Germany local registrars have the authority to reject names considered improper or liable to subject the child to public ridicule. She wanted to name her child, Chenekwahow Migiskau Nikapi-Hun-Nizeo Alessandro Majim Chayara Inti Ernesto Prithibi Kioma Pathar Henriko. She wanted the names to reflect different lands, cultures and religions and show the child there should not be "boundaries in the heart of humans." ***MARLAR: You have to feel sorry for this kid when his parents get angry. How much trouble are you in when you have twelve names and your parents use every single one of them to call you into the other room?


FUN LIST

GIFTS DAD REALLY WANTED BUT DIDN'T GET FOR FATHER'S DAY


  • a giant "No Whining Zone" poster

  • a solemn promise to accept "we'll see" as an acceptable answer to any request.

  • Remote controlled Bar-B-Q grill

  • Satellite Dish for the car

  • A cell phone option that only allows daughters to make calls in emergencies

  • The ability to truly understand the concept of the need for women to shop



MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

My bride had me go out earlier today to pick up bread and milk at the grocery store. 
So I get there, pick up the stuff, and while I’m in the checkout lane there’s this woman in front of me paying and is having difficulty finding her change purse. She started pulling everything out of her purse: make up, her garage door opener, her checkbook, a small toy action figure, you name it she had it. And then, she took out a television remote control! 
The cashier was just as surprised as I was, because she asked the lady, "Do you always carry your TV remote control around?" 
The lady said, "Oh, no. But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was a great way to get even." 
Who knew going grocery shopping could be so entertaining?!


OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most famous men in America but there is side to this well known comedian that few people have ever seen. Eight years ago the Atlanta Mission asked him to lead bible study for its homeless men. Eight years ago Foxworthy had never known any homeless people. He certainly had never had any homeless friends. But Foxworthy went and he says it was an epiphany. He had faced pain in his own life, but nothing like this. Now, eight years later, the group has grown from 12 men to over 200, with volunteers from around Atlanta now showing up each week to help lead the men as they break into smaller groups. Jeff arrives at the mission before dawn each week, an insulated cooler filled to the top with hot Chick Fil A chicken biscuits. Jeff says: "when you start learning somebody's story, they become a human being. http://www.ksdk.com/news/jeff-foxworthy-the-other-side-of-funny_/213970993 

Last year, sales of coloring books in the US shot up from 1 million to 12 million units. Now Christian publishers are jumping on board with “Christian adult coloring books" and even Bibles you can color in. Half of the top ten best sellers for May in the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association are coloring books. Some even offers a playlist to “help set the perfect mood for worship, contemplation, and creative expression” when using the book.  http://bit.ly/1OIKoba 
Ken Ham, CEO of Answers in Genesis, has fulfilled a life-long dream: the Ark is built. The Noah's Ark replica is the largest timber-framed structure on earth at seven stories high and 200 yards in length. It is expected to attract around 200 million visitors a year. The cost? $100 million. It's due to open on July 7 and is designed to be "family-oriented, historically authentic, and environmentally friendly". It's a sister attraction of the Creation Museum and will, according to Ham, "equip visitors to understand the reality of the events that are recorded in the book of Genesis". http://bit.ly/1OSI8DO 
New findings could help scientists trace how viruses spread. A new blood test analyzes less than a single drop of blood and can reveal every virus people have over their lifetime. The experimental test called VirScan can detect the 206 virus species known to infect humans and more than 1,000 known virus strains, according to the journal Science. Scientists say the new blood test could help doctors trace how viruses spread. http://ti.me/1RSGmjw

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I feel so vibrant and creative I may just stop by the yogurt shop on the way home and go crazy with the sprinkles.


THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

  

JUNE 17, 2016…

 

Finding Dory---This animated story, and remember the hit film “Finding Nemo,”  stars the voice of Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, who wants to find her family. Nemo and his Dad are off to join the adventure and help her, along with a myriad of sea creatures. Other voices include Albert Brooks, Dominic West, Hayden Rolence  and Ed O‘Neill. “Finding Dory” is rated G. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Central Intelligence---Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) team up looking for spies in the comedy about two guys who just don't get along out in the field.  Guess the earthquake belt has quieted down (Reference “San Andreas.”) The mayhem continues. “Central Intelligence” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

 

JUNE 24, 2016…

 

Free State Of Jones stars Matthew McConaughey as a farmer, during the Civil War, who lives in Mississippi and rebels against the South.

 

Independence Day 2: Resurgence and here comes the Mother Ship, about the size of Texas and ready to take on Earth. Stars Liam Hemsworth.

 

The Shallows stars Blake Lively in a survival role as a woman who is surfing and has to fight off a giant shark.

 

Hunt For The Wilderpeople starring Sam Neill as a crusty farmer in New Zealand, has a new opening date. Another view of parenting.

 


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WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.


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