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***RADIO ISN’T DEAD - From RadioIsntDead.com




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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

What a great job this is! I mean, where else can you clip your toenails at work?



BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. -- Proverbs 15:1


No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. — 1 Corinthians 10:13
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. — 1 John 4:18

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. — 2 Peter 1:5-7

Thought: Sometimes we get so frightened by the thought of "works-won" salvation that we forget that love and grace ultimately call us to action, and not just reflection. Action means effort. That's exactly what Peter is calling us to make — "every effort." Peter explains why this effort is important in the next few verses. "If we possess these qualities in increasing measure," they help us be productive in our knowledge of Jesus! Let's be productive! As we make "every effort," we can be assured that the Holy Spirit is the power at work producing the fruit that makes effectiveness possible! (cf. Galatians 5:22-25)
Prayer: Mold me and make me, Father, more perfectly conformed to your will and more perfectly consistent with your character. I do not pray this for my glory, but so that you can more effectively use me to share your blessings and grace with those around me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Philippians 1:21 NIV = For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – JANUARY 21, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 340 SHOPPING DAYS
UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is WOLFMAN JACK IMITATORS, a day to talk like The Wolfman, who was born on this day in 1938.

Today is NATIONAL GRANOLA BAR DAY.  *** Booooooring!

Today is NATIONAL HOT ‘N’ SPICY FOOD DAY
Today is NATIONAL HUGGING DAY, especially for hugging family and friends.  *** Unless, of course, they’ve just had some hot and spicy food!
Today is SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: Not to be confused with Squirrel Awareness Month in October. C’mon, really? The world needs this?

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Get To Know Your Customers Day



National Hugging Day

Women’s Healthy Weight Day



COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22

Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day

Celebration of Life Day

Roe vs. Wade Day


SATURDAY, JANAURY 23

National Handwriting Day

Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day

AFRMA Fancy Rat & Mouse Day
SUNDAY, JANUARY 24

Belly Laugh Day

Beer Can Day



National Bible Sunday

National Compliment Day



National Peanut Butter Day

Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day

Visit Your Local Quilt Shop Day


MONDAY, JANUARY 25

A Room of One’s Own Day

Macintosh Computer Day

National Irish Coffee Day

Opposite Day

Robert Burns Day

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
TUESDAY, JANUARY 26

Lotus 1-2-3 Day

National Peanut Brittle Day

Toad Hollow Day of Encouragement


WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27

Holocaust Memorial Day


International Mobile Phone Recycling Day

National Geographic Day

Thomas Crapper Day

Viet Nam Peace Day

THURSDAY, JANUARY 28

Data Privacy Day

National Kazoo Day

Thank a Plugin Developer Day

ON THIS DAY

1915: The first Kiwanis Club was founded, in Detroit.
1957: Country singer Patsy Cline appeared on Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts. She sang her newest Four Star single, "Walkin’ After Midnight," and won first place. For an encore, she sang "Your Cheatin’ Heart."
1957: Chuck Berry recorded "School Day."
1958: The Kingston Trio was awarded a gold record for "Tom Dooley."
1982: Blues Boy B.B. King donated his entire record collection, some 20,000 rare blues tracks, to the University of Mississippi's Center for the Study of Southern Culture.
1986: Former major-leaguer Randy Bass became the highest-paid baseball player in Japanese history. Bass signed a three-year contract for $3.25 million with the Hanshin Tigers.
1990: John McEnroe became the first player to be expelled from the Australian Open after throwing a tantrum and swearing at an official.
1992: Sheriff Kent Griggs arrested three men who were standing naked near a smoldering house in Searcy County, Arkansas. One of the men admitted burning down the home, but referred all other questions to a nearby chicken, which he claimed carried the spirit of his late grandmother.

1993: Artist Rirkrit Tiravanija cooked a Thai meal for visitors to a Chicago art gallery, then left the cooking utensils and dirty dishes on display for the next month as an exhibit on "relationships."

1993: Workers from two bakeries and WKLL Radio set a world record in Utica, New York, by baking history’s largest jelly doughnut: 3,739 pounds, 16 feet in diameter.
1997: Thailand’s only married orangutans became the proud parents of a baby boy at the Lopburi Zoo north of Bangkok. Mike and Zuzu had been married in an elaborate ceremony a year earlier after Zuzu was flown from Taiwan to become Mike’s mail-order bride.
1999: A Finnish professor announced he was almost ready to record "Blue Suede Shoes" in the ancient language of Babylon that died out 4,000 years ago. Jukka Ammondt already had recorded Elvis’s greatest hits in Latin.
2003: Police said a 61-year-old man who robbed a bank in Port Royal, Virginia, escaped with several thousand dollars, but lost some of it trying to stuff it in pockets. Then he discovered he had locked the keys in his getaway car. When two citizens chased the suspect down, he shot himself in the leg. When he continued to struggle, one of the citizens shot him in the other leg. The man had already served 20 years in prison for an earlier bank robbery.
2004: The recording industry sued 532 computer users it said were illegally distributing songs over the Internet.
2006: A Harris poll said the U.S. public was about equally split on the issue of wiretapping United States citizens without court authorization. The count was 42 percent for it and 45 percent against the practice.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1525: Conrad Grebel (Ulrich Zwingli's former protégé) re-baptizes George Blaurock, a former monk, in a secret, illegal meeting of six men in Zurich. This meeting is now considered the birth of the Anabaptist movement.

1549: In the first of four Acts of Uniformity, the British Parliament requires all Anglican public services to exclusively use of The Book of Common Prayer.
1621: Piligrims leave the Mayflower and gather on shore at Plymouth, Massachusetts, for their first religious service in America.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS


  • actress Karina Lombard 47

  • Actress (“NYPD Blue's” Detective Connie McDowell) Charlotte Ross, 48 (audio clip)

  • Actress (Thelma & Louise, A League of Their Own), member of MENSA, and archery expert Geena Davis, 59

  • Actor (Ode to Billy Joe) / Voicist (the beast in Beauty & The Beast) Robby Benson, 60

  • Actress (“L.A. Law”) Jill Eikenberry, 69 (
    audio clip)

  • singer/actor Mac Davis 74



BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1917 : Billy Maxted

1927 : Frank Virtue (The Virtues)

1936 : Snooks Eaglin

1938 : Wolfman Jack

1941 : Richie Havens

1941 : Placido Domingo

1942 : Mac Davis

1942 : Edwin Starr


1945 : Chris Britton (The Troggs)

1948 : Peter Kircher (Status Quo)

1950 : Billy Ocean

1956 : Rob Brill (Berlin)

1978 : Emma Bunton (The Spice Girls)

1979 : Nokio (Dru Hill)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the shortest length of time anyone was President of the United States?

The 12th president of the United States was David Rice Atchinson, a Missouri senator who served for one day in 1849. The new president usually took office on March 4. But that year it fell on a Sunday,  and although President James Polk left on schedule, Zachary Taylor did not take the oath until the next day. Atchinson was president pro tempore of the Senate, and under the provisions of the Constitution, he served until Taylor was sworn in.  Atchinson neither started a war nor raised any taxes: he just left quietly after 24 hours.



CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

David Crowder recently shared more about his music and his ministry. The front man for the group Crowder told New Release Today that he is now more time conscious. He said it just takes less time to say Crowder than the David Crowder band. Crowder said his new project, the new Neon Steeple Extravaganza, is also more real. He says he is able to speak in a more personal way about his failures and the rescue of God in spite of him.


http://nrt.cc/CrowderStory
The countdown is on. The members of SanctusReal this week shared a portion of a picture featuring their new lead singer with the rest of the band. They said said they appreciate everyone's patience but it's time to get this show on the road. However, the name of the SanctusReal lead singer isn't out yet. The picture was numbered six so there are still five slides to go before his identity is announced.

http://twitter.com/SanctusReal/status/689563860190281728/photo/1
Citizenway's David Blascoe is more than just a Christian artist. He shared this week that he also likes to bake. His project this week: Baking some earl grey shortbread from scratch. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvEyPTpABF/
Kari Jobe says things are getting real. She shared a picture of their unborn baby's room and added: hospital bag packed and ready, room ready...countdown is here. Kari is due next month.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAuaucuBoWJ/
A scare this week for Casting Crowns Melodee Devevo. She tweeted: For your information, your house getting broken into at 6AM is not a good way to start your day. Thank God for the alarm.
How did you spend your week? Aaron Branch of Building 429 spent his back country camping at the Red River Gorge in Kentucky. He says it was 5 degrees outside.
Tenth Avenue North's Ruben Juarez says his winter conversations seem to follow the same pattern each year. 

Me: Its cold outside.

Them: It's not cold. Not compared to the place I lived which I'm about to tell you all about.

Citizenway is heading out on a cruise and group member Ben Blascoe needs your help. He tweeted: Alright people of twitter...for those of you who have gone on a cruise, what mustn't I forget to bring? And/or what must I do or avoid?

Audio Adrenaline's Brandon Bagby says he might have picked the wrong time to shave, especially with a straight razor. The temperature was hovering at a chilly 10 degrees when Brandon shared a picture of his newly shaved face. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAsAxtey7OQ/
Building 429's Jason Roy will be part of a special event this week but it won't involve singing. The front man for the well known Christian band will be speaking on setting and achieving your goals for the coming year. The event will take place in Clarksville, Tennessee today (Thursday).

http://twitter.com/building429/status/689094451965333504/photo/1

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A study finds that television may actually do no harm to babies. Research has determined that viewing TV before age two has no impact on a child’s learning ability.  *** Because it requires absolutely zero brain cells to watch.  


Wal-Mart is reportedly planning on closing 269 stores this year.  ***Estimates show this could put 14 cashiers out of work. (Chandler Kitchen)
Reports in the British media say Rihanna and Leonardo DiCaprio are now linked romantically.  ***So be expecting to hear about Chris Brown being arrested yet again very very soon. 
Chipolte says they're closing all of their stores for one day next month to discuss food safety.  *** And if they decide to stay closed we’ll know someone finally made the right decision. 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

The bare minimum of exercise is good enough suggests a study concluding that just 15 minutes of daily physical activity increases your life expectancy by 14 percent, or three years, over your lazy counterparts.  ***MARLAR: But then, those last three years of life kinda suck anyway, so why get all sweaty every day for fifteen minutes?

Is the Internet keeping your family apart? A recent study says families in the U.S. are spending less time together.  And while the study by the Annenberg Center for the Digital Future doesn't place the blame on the Internet, it does note that the decline in family time does coincide with a rise in Internet use and the popularity of social networks.  ***MARLAR: However, they have noticed a dramatic increase of people texting family members in the other room.  
The wordiness of the U.S. tax code has tripled in a decade. It now runs to 3.8 million words. To put that in context, William Shakespeare only needed 900,000 words to say everything he had to say in print, ever. Hamlet, Othello, the history plays, the sonnets… everything combined, only 900,000 words.  The U.S. tax code for one single year?  3.8-million words.  ***MARLAR: But then, that’s because Shakespeare wasn’t a lawyer getting paid by the hour.
Boy or girl? A simple blood test in mothers-to-be can answer that question with surprising accuracy at about seven weeks.  Though not widely offered by U.S. doctors, gender-detecting blood tests have been sold online to consumers for the past few years. Their promises of early and accurate results prompted genetics researchers to take a closer look.  ***MARLAR: The tests are expensive though that many people are opting for the more generic option of buying a Magic 8-Ball.  

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Get Off a Non-Stop Flight”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Paul Aldrich, “Disneyland”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: I have no idea what Gruffy is talking about. Sounds like a fierce game of checkers is about to take place though! What do you think will happen between Gruffy and Sully that will make Sully angry though? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JANUARY 23/24
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the new king of the jungle, Louis the lion, decided he didn’t want to be king anymore because he was too little and didn’t know what to do. So he (and the rest of the animals) went out to find someone new to be king… but now they’re in a really dark and scary part of the jungle…
CLOSE: Maybe Louis has a point, maybe the animals DO need someone else to be king of the jungle! Someone big, strong, and more importantly – brave! What will Louis do? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Today's Moment of Duh takes place at a police station!

A police station in Prague has had three of their 24-hour security cameras that were mounted outside of the station stolen! Each camera is worth about $15,000. So why is this story in today's Moment of Duh? Because these stolen cameras, outside of a police station, went unnoticed for THREE DAYS! The police have officially explained it as "human error."


TOP TEN
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL YOU ARE AN ONLINE SHOPPING ADDICT
10. People call you instead of using MySimon and DealTime.
9. You have 16 co-branded credit cards, and you only use each one for the online store it's branded with.
8. You write nasty e-mails to Amazon every time their recommendation is slightly off from your true taste.
7. Your pet monkey asks you once a week to find him the cheapest bananas online.
6. The FedEx guy parks his truck in front of your house for over an hour every day, and recently has been taking his lunch breaks there.
5. When you and your friends get together to go shopping, you all sit in the living room, network your computers together, and connect to the Internet through a DSL connection.
4. You haven't gone to a mall or department store since the late 80's.
3. You have a constant supply of food and beverages coming to your door so you don't have to stop shopping, and all of it was ordered online.
2. Your dog is allowed to sign for packages.
1. You've nodded to everything listed above, but you have an online shopping site open in another browser window.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Police set up a speed trap – but don’t catch any speeders!
FILE #1: Dutch traffic cops are looking for the creative writer who placed a warning sign just outside one of their speed traps. The highway patrol started getting suspicious when they failed to issue any tickets at a spot usually rife with speeders. Investigation of the road leading to the speed trap found a large wooden sign that said, "Take care, speed control, one kilometer". Police quickly removed the sign, but have yet to identify the writer.

FILE #2: A Singapore man recently stole a woman's handbag and used 2 credit cards to purchase 2 mobile phones totaling $2,160. After realizing that $2,160 was a lot of money to pay for the items, he returned to the store to complain that he had been overcharged. Meantime, police were there at the time taking a report about a stolen credit card being used to buy 2 mobile phones. ***MARLAR: Now that's the kind of guy that you want stealing your credit cards.  At least he’d be a frugal shopper.

FILE #3: German police who were called to a supermarket break-in found a couple of unusual culprits -- two pigs. The wild boars had smashed through the glass doors while the Brandenburg shop was shut. Police found them gorging themselves on food in the supermarket. A crowd gathered to watch officers rounding up the pigs, one of which had cut itself on the broken glass door. ***MARLAR: This week's special at the German supermarket: pork chops!
STRANGE LAW: In Waterville, ME, it is illegal to blow your nose in public.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A drunk driver hits a car – with a dead man already inside it!

Police said a man has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after he crashed head-on into a hearse taking a body to a funeral with a sheriff's deputy watching. Covina police Sgt. Ray Marquez said the Los Angeles County deputy pulled up behind a car and said the driver appeared unconscious as he sat idling at a green light. The deputy tapped on the driver's window, and the car immediately surged through the intersection into oncoming traffic and hit the hearse. Marquez says no one was injured. He said an 18-year-old was arrested, cited, and released later. Marquez said a replacement hearse arrived to take the body to its destination, a funeral at a nearby church.


PHONER PHUN

Did you hear about the guy that is suing Delta Air Lines Inc. for nearly $1 million, claiming the company's incompetent and rude employees made his 80-year-old mother's birthday trip to South America a stressful, costly horror? He says not only did he and his family arrive in Buenos Aires, Argentina, almost three days late, he had to spend unplanned thousands of dollars on food, hotels and transportation, and buy tickets for another airline. He claims Delta even lost his luggage, so he had to buy all new clothes too. What's your worst airline trip disaster story?


BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What did God ask Abraham to do to prove his obedience?

ANSWER: Sacrifice his son (offer his son Isaac as a burnt offering - Genesis 22:2)
QUESTION: Who saved David’s life when one of Goliath’s sons was about to kill David?

ANSWER: Abishai (2 Samuel 21:16-17)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What percentage of American believes that NASA is keeping secrets about extraterrestrial life?

ANSWER: Thirty-six percent.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. January has the fewest divorces, and the fewest marriages. (True)
2. When race car driver Helio Castroneves won the fifth "Dancing with the Stars" championship, his dancing partner was Julianne Hough. (True)
3. The film "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" stars Ben Stillar. (False, Adam Sandler)
4. In "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Rudolph's girlfriends name is Charlene. (False, Clarice)
5. The people of China eat the most fish per head. (False, Japan)
6. President Ronald Reagan was once a professional male model. (False, Gerald R. Ford)
7. Michael is a popular name among people named Smith. (Michael W. Smith as a prime example!) Coming in second is John as a first name. (False. Believe it or not, coming in second and third for the Smiths are Trey and Miles.)
8. Tootsie Roll candy was named after its creator's pet beagle. (False... it was named for the creator's 6-year-old daughter "Tootsie.")

9. Newborn babies cannot taste salt. (True! They can taste sweetness, but not saltiness.)

10. In 1914, the average wage for a working man was only $5 a day. (True.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ VICTIMS PUT IN FEDERAL PRISONS (FLU)

In response to the worst flu season in history, President Obama ordered flu victims be quarantined in federal prisons.

The State Department of Health reports that thousands of citizens of Pennsylvanians have complications from the influenza virus and they are worried that it may get worse.  Hospitals can not handle the capacity of flu victims, so the White House ordered flu victims be sent to Federal Prisons were they will be monitored by State Health officials.

“If we can remove them from the general population and put them in environment where everyone is masked and everyone can be protected, it’s safer for them and certainly safer for the staff,” said Richard Burger, Director of Infection Control.

The White House wanted to set up internment camps for the flu victims, but it would take too long and be far too expensive. “There’s a number of federal prisons that can handle the extra capacity, so it’s a good solution to the epidemic.”

Government officials are setting up tents at the federal prison, so that the prisoners are not affected. 



THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."

JOKE #2

A young salesman had asked his girlfriend to marry him. She said she would love to, but he would have to ask for her father's permission. "He's old-fashioned," she said, "and he might not say yes to the first man who asks for his daughter's hand. I sure hope that you can convince him."

The young salesman thought about the upcoming interview for a very long time. When it finally came time to speak to his girlfriend's father, he began by saying, "Sir, I have an idea that will save you lots of money…

JOKE #3

Johnny's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked "Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"

"They was in, but they is out now." he answered.

The teacher gasped, "Why, Mr. Johnny Morton, it is 'They were in, they are out now.'

Where's your grammar?"

"She's upstairs taking her nap."



USELESS FACTS

Most of us use them for fun and relaxation. But lately there has been a lot of serious research into whether video games can be a useful tool for medical purposes.  For years, scientists have been wondering whether such games can be used to improve a patient's health or outlook. ***MARLAR: I know I feel better after stealing cars and running down a few pedestrians while playing Grand Theft Auto. 


Mara Ranger was removing clothes from a washing machine at her Maine home when she pulled out an 8-foot python. Maine Animal Damage Control operator Richard Burton says the snake probably got into Ranger’s washing machine through water pipes. The snake has been taken to the York Animal Kingdom in York, Maine.  ***MARLAR: Clean and smelling springtime fresh.
7 Up originally contained lithium citrate, a mood-stabilizing drug. It was in the drink until 1950.  ***MARLAR: Boy, if we ever needed to add an ingredient back into a soft drink…

FEATURED FUNNIES

RIFLE RANGE CANCELLED

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"



IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A COMPILATION OF ACTUAL ANSWERS ON TESTS FROM 15 & 16 YEAR OLD STUDENTS
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brothers son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

13. In medieval times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."


INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

A MUCH LOVED MINISTER

A much loved-minister of God once carried a secret burden of long-past sin deep in his heart. He had committed the sin many years before, during his Bible school training. No one knew what he had done, but they did know he had repented. Even so, he had suffered years of remorse over the incident without any sense of God's forgiveness.

A woman in his church deeply loved God and claimed to have visions in which Jesus Christ spoke to her. The minister, skeptical of her claims, asked her, "The next time you speak to the Lord, would you please ask Him what sin your minister committed while he was in Bible school." The woman kindly agreed.

When she came to the church a few days later the minister asked, "Did He visit you?"

She said, "Yes."

"And did you ask Him what sin I committed?"

"Yes, I asked Him," she replied

"Well, what did He say?"

"He said, 'I don't remember.'"

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WHAT DO YOU SEAK?

Read: John 1:35-42

Jesus turned, and seeing them following, said to them, "What do you seek?" —John 1:38

How would you answer if Jesus were to ask you, "What do you seek?" (John 1:38).

Would you ask Him for health and fitness? A better job? A happier marriage? Financial security? Vindication from a false accusation? Salvation for a wayward loved one? An explanation of some difficult theological concept?

For two disciples of John the Baptist, this situation was more than an exercise in imagination. One day while they were with John, Jesus walked by and John announced, "Behold the Lamb of God!" (v.36). Instead of continuing to follow John, his two disciples started following Jesus.

When Jesus saw them, He asked, "What do you seek?" (v.38).

Apparently John had taught them well, because their answer indicated that they were not seeking something for themselves but Jesus Himself. They wanted to know where Jesus was staying. Not only did Jesus show them the place, He spent the remainder of the day with them.

I wonder how often we miss an opportunity to spend time with Jesus because we're seeking something other than His presence. I know from experience that the more time I spend with Jesus, the less desire I have for a lot of things that once seemed very important. —Julie Ackerman Link

To walk in fellowship with Christ
And sense His love so deep and true
Brings to the soul its highest joy
As nothing in this world can do. —D. De Haan

Jesus longs for our fellowship even more than we long for His.

LEFTOVERS

ROCKET MAN

What’s the last vehicle you’d expect a jet engine to be strapped to? How about a Moped? A man in the UK has done exactly that!

Don't blink or you might miss Lee Dennick on his Moped. The mechanic from the UK has outfitted his Moped with a jet engine. The vehicle, which normally tops out at 24 mph, now could go up to 200 mph! It started when Lee contacted Microjet Engineering for an "upgrade" for his scooter, which came in the shape of a jet turbine with an after-burner. Microjet engineering, which usually makes jet engines, said they had to lengthen the scooter by a foot to make it long enough to take the engine. Don't look for Lee to be traveling at 200 mph on the bike, though. He says he's only dared to go 30 mph so far and thinks that 70 mph would be as fast as he would ever want to go. The scooter also shoots off a flame over two feet long when driven. 

 
LIFE... LIVE IT

Be careful with that Vick’s Vaporub – you might want to use something else on your children.

Researchers at Wake Forest University tell us that putting menthol products such as Vicks VapoRub on children to ease their colds may actually cause breathing problems. Dr. Bruce K. Rubin said rather than clearing congestion or easing a cough, it can stimulate mucus production and inflame airways. "Infants and young children have airways that are much narrower than those of adults, so any increase in mucus or inflammation can narrow them more severely," Rubin said that while many people like to use Vicks to treat colds, there is not much data to show that it works.

 

JUST FOR FUN

Facial jewelry – is it edible?

The Wyoming Governor's Food Safety Council voted to become the first state to ban facial jewelry on restaurant workers. A Health Department official said he had several cases of old ladies finding tongue studs and nose rings in their food. But he couldn't provide the Associated Press with even a single documented case, and a disease expert at Oregon Health Sciences University said a nose ring would have to sit in a plate of food for hours before enough bacteria built up to spread a staph infection.   ***MARLAR: Oh, well then if THAT’S the case, if you ever find a nose ring in your food, just go ahead and eat it!

 
FUN LIST

SKI SEASON IS HERE!

Ski season is here! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared:



  • Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

  • Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

  • Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

  • If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

  • Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.

  • Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

  • Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

  • Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

  • Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
  • Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.


  • Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

  • Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

  • Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

  • Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

  • Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

  • Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!

  • NOW YOU'RE READY TO GO SKIING!



MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

If you suffer from insomnia, your cell phone might be the cause of your sleeplessness.

...Cell phones emit tiny amounts of radiation not enough to cause serious damage, but enough to trigger insomnia, headaches and confusion, reveals a new study that was paid for by a group of mobile phone companies. Researchers believe the radiation may increase stress levels and interfere with the brain's ability to produced melatonin, the hormone that causes drowsiness. They recommend avoiding cell phone use in the evening hours. (Sun)



OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Are you a coffee lover? Focus on the Family's John Fuller recently shared an article he found featured twelve different methods for producing the perfect cup of Joe. But be warned, several of the options with leave you with significantly less cash. In fact, one brags that is can produce exquisite espresso for less than 10-thousand dollars.


http://darrenmarlar.com/2015/01/20/the-perfect-espresso-yours-for-less-than-10000/

Thousands braved bitter cold temperatures for a "March for Life" in downtown Chicago this past Sunday. According to Charisma News, demonstrators held yellow balloons with "life" printed on them as they danced to music to keep warm in temperatures that hovered just above 0 degrees Fahrenheit. The Chicago march, now in its third year, offers a Midwest alternative for those unable to attend the larger march held in Washington, D.C. every Jan. 22.

http://bit.ly/1ntD9go
Stress is a killer -- for both the body and the brain. Over time, chronic stress can contribute to a host of negative health outcomes, including heart disease, depression, diabetes and obesity. Now new research shows that high stress levels late in life can also contribute significantly to the development of Alzheimer's disease. A recent report found that older adults who reported experiencing high stress levels were twice as likely to develop the memory problems that tend to precede full-blown Alzheimer's. 

http://huff.to/22eadcg
4 habits for a happy marriage from iMom. 

1. Use terms of endearment.

2. Laugh more.

3. Steal a kiss.

4. We time.

http://bit.ly/1VG8vf6

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hang around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.  Now, compare that to Blockbuster when they were still in business – you could be two days late with a video and these people were all over you. We should put the unemployed Blockbuster people in charge of immigration.



THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

  


JANUARY 15, 2016…


The Forest---This film is set in a Aokigahara Forest region of Japan where people go to commit suicide.  Natalie Dorman is looking for her twin sister and hopes she is not found in this forest.  Also in the cast is Taylor Kinney (Lady Gaga’s boyfriend). "The Forest"  is rated R. No rating.

 

13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi---Director Michael Bay does a film with the theme of a group of Special Forces soldiers who decide, against odds, to protect the civilians in the Benghazi compound. The cast includes James Badge Dale, John Krasinski, Max Martini and Toby Stephens. “13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

Ride Along 2---A continuation of the “friendship” between Kevin Hart, a new police officer, and his fiancee’s father, Ice Cube, who is also a policeman. In this sequel, Kevin goes to Miami in pursuit of a criminal (Benjamin Bratt) and guess who goes along, that’s right, Ice Cube. Also in the cast is Tika Sumpter. “Ride Along 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

Norm Of The North---An animated film about a polar bear (voice of Rob Schreider) who, with his three Lemming friends, goes to New York City to be a mascot. Well, stranger things have happened. You may recognize the voices of Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Colm Meany and Loretta Devine. “Norm Of The North” is rated PG. Rating of 2.

 

JANUARY 22, 2016…

 

The 5th Wave is a science fiction movie about an alien attack on Earth. Stars Chloe Grace Moretz.

 

The Boy (formerly titled “The Inhabitant”) is a supernatural thriller about a possessed doll. Stars Lauren Cohen.

 


Dirty Grandpa has Robert De Niro hassling his grandson, Zac Efron, just before Zac’s wedding.

 

Mojave (opening in select cities) has Garrett Hedlund lost in the desert with a stranger.

 

Synchronicity (opening in select cities) is a film about time travel starring Michael Ironside and Brianne Davis.



 

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WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.


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