Rufus Wainwright

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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~

- i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)

-Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you

- she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.

- I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dream girl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!

- i am simple boy. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot

- i want a girl  with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast

-HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

- whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride  and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp

- i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

-HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

- I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred

- iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

- my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

- Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.

bye bye. (uttama purushan)

- hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...


(but credit cards not accepted..???)

- my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service



- i'm looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

- to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable

- i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.

- ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.


 576] A farmer got so old that he couldn't work the fields anymore. So he would spend the day just sitting on the porch. His son, still working the farm, would look up from time to time and see his father sitting there. "He's of no use any more," the son thought to himself, "he doesn't do anything!" One day the son got so frustrated by this, that he built a wood coffin, dragged it over to the porch, and told his father to get in. Without saying anything, the father climbed inside. After closing the lid, the son dragged the coffin to the edge of the farm where there was a high cliff.

As he approached the drop, he heard a light tapping on the lid from inside the coffin. He opened it up. Still lying there peacefully, the father looked up at his son. "I know you are going to throw me over the cliff, but before you do, may I suggest something?"

"What is it?" replied the son. "Throw me over the cliff, if you like," said the father, "but save this good wood coffin. Your children might need to use it."


577] Wife: Wht r u doing?

Husband: Killing mosquitoes?

Wife: How many did u kill?
Husband: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
Wife: How do u know their genders?
Husband: 2 near mirror and 3 near beer
578] Wife was busy in packing her clothes. 
Husband - Where are you going?
Wife - I'm moving to my mother. 
Husband also starts packing his clothes. 
Wife - Now where are you going?
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother. 
Wife - And what about the kids?
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother………..Clothes unpacked.
579] A successful businessman carries a unique business card on the reverse side of which is stated the philosophy which has brought happiness to him…and to hundreds of others…The card reads: “The way to happiness—to keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done by. Try this for a week and you will be surprised”.

As you read these words you may say, "There is nothing new in that." Indeed, there is something new if you’ve never tried it.

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580] Once I asked my friend, "What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?"

He said "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." I asked "Can you explain?" He said "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, i asked him "Give me some examples". He said "Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy. Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it "

I asked "Then, what is your role?" He said "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether telangana should be formed or not, whether Dhoni should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife; NEVER, objects to any of these decisions"...

581] I went to a mixed religion seminar. The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”. I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today! I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!” I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!” I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

582] A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct!
Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..
Ans.- In his Last Battle..
Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..
Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce?..
Ans.- Marriage..
Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans.- Liquid State..
Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
Ans.- On His Birthday..
Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People?..
Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake..!!
Q.7-India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girtin Hai...???..
Reply:- .."Daaru K Glass Me..."
Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???
Answer: Indian Constitution-Article 20(2)-says, "No man can be punished twice for same offence"

583] ONLY ONE LETTER: Xvxn though this typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll, xxcxpt for only onx kxy. You'd think that with all the othxr kxys working, onx kxy would hardly bx noticxd. But just onx kxy out of which sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.

Havx you xvxr said to yoursxlf, “I'm only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don't do my bxst.” But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx to bx xffxctive, a family, an organization or a businxss nxxds complxtx participation by xvxryone to the bxst of his or hxr ability.

So if You'rx having onx of thosx days whxn you think you just arxn't vxry important and you'rx txmptxd to slack off, rxmxmbxr this old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson, and whxn you don't do your bxst, nothing xlsx around you works out thx way it's supposxd to.

584] It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry. The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."

585] Heart touching story by Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam: "When I was a kid, my Mom cooked food for us. One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day's work. Mom placed a plate of subzi and extremely burnt roti in front of my Dad. I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt roti. But.. Dad just ate his roti and asked me.. how was my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologising to Dad for the burnt roti. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt roti." Later that night, I went to Daddy that night & I asked him if he really liked his roti burnt. He wrapped me in his arms & said: "Your mom put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired. And besides... A burnt roti never hurts anyone but harsh words do!"

"You know beta - life is full of imperfect things & imperfect people.. I'M NOT THE BEST & AM HARDLY GOOD AT ANYTHING! I forget birthdays & anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learnt over the years is :

-Accept Each Others Faults & Choose To Celebrate Relationships

- Life Is Too Short To Wake Up With Regrets!

-Love the people who treat you right & have compassion for the ones who don't.!!

ENJOY LIFE NOW !!

Appreciate the love you got from your loved ones becos .... It has an expiry date !!
586] Charles Plumb was a navy jet pilot. On his seventy-sixth combat mission, he was shot down and parachuted into enemy territory. He was captured and spent six years in prison. He survived and now lectures on the lessons he learned from his experiences. One day, a man approached Plumb and his wife in a restaurant, and said, "Are you Plumb the navy pilot?" "Yes, how did you know?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb was amazed - and grateful: "If the chute you packed hadn't worked I wouldn't be here today..."

Plumb refers to this in his lectures: his realisation that the anonymous sailors who packed the parachutes held the pilots' lives in their hands, and yet the pilots never gave these sailors a second thought; never even said hello, let alone said thanks.

Now Plumb asks his audiences, "Who packs your parachutes?..... Who helps you through your life?.... Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?....... Think about who helps you; recognise them and say thanks."

587] There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."

588] Transformation from pro-choice to pro-life : Dr. Peggy Hartshorn, president of Heartbeat International, tells a dramatic story about a woman who glimpsed the mystery of her unborn child. The young woman was seeking an abortion. She simply could not handle having a baby at this time. But she agreed to an ultrasound. When the baby appeared on the screen, the woman was amazed to see the perfectly formed body, the tiny legs and arms moving inside her womb. But the woman kept saying, "No, no, I have to have an abortion." Dr. Hartshorn felt sad. She knew that seventy-five percent of women who see an ultrasound decide to keep their baby - but that a quarter, nevertheless, still have the abortion. It seemed like this woman would be in that twenty-five percent. All of sudden, Dr. Hartshorn's assistant said, "Reach out and take your baby's hand." Dr. Hartshorn thought, "Oh, gosh, why is she saying that?" But the woman raised her hand and touched the monitor. As if by some divine cue, the baby stretched out his arm to the exact place of his mom's hand. On the screen his tiny fingers met hers. She kept her baby. There is a mystery inside each one of us - the mystery of the image of God.

589] The Eagle lives for 70 years. But by 40th year 3 major changes take place in the Eagle's body. The claws become long and weak, unable to catch a prey. The beak extends forward, making eating difficult. Wings become heavy, and stick to the chest, limiting flights. As a result, the Eagle finds it difficult to hunt, eat and fly. But, instead of giving up, the Eagle flies to a tall mountain to rejuvenate. Once there, First it starts breaking its beak. It is painful. But it endures. Beak re-grows in 39 days. Second, it breaks its talons. It takes another 39 days for talons to re-grow. Third, it removes all the feathers from its wings with the new beak. It takes 72 days for the new feathers to re-grow in the wings. In the meantime, it regularly flaps the bare wings to exercise.

After 150 days of pain, pangs, patience and persistence, the Eagle is now ready to soar high into the limitless azure sky. With a new beak, new claws and new wings, it can now live for another 30 years with energy, good health and dignity.

The beak, claws and wings of Eagle represent, desire, activity and imagination in human life. In human life, the period from 40 to 60 years is a crucial phase.

Like the Eagle, we too can soar high instead of getting bogged down with mid-life crisis. Break free from all bad habits, fast, rest and recoup. Caution: away from the drugging and fleecing hospitals. If 150 days is too long to hibernate, a rejuvenation program of 30 days to 90 days for the human beings is good enough. To be followed by a weekly fast. For 150 days (make that 180 days or six months if you wish), like the Eagle, Relocate yourself in some remote mountainous village, ashram or natural health centre; fast on pure water, meditate, rest, recoup and reinvigorate.

In short, follow the Eagle to live Healthy Hundred without Ills, Pills and Doctor's Bills. For, as the Eagle Experiment shows, body heals itself.

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590] Once, a Junior School teacher asked her students to bring some tomatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each tomato will be given a name of the person whom that child hates. Like this, the number of tomatoes will be equal to the number of persons they hate. On a decided day, the children brought their tomatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had even five tomatoes. Teacher said they have to carry tomatoes with them everywhere they go for a week. As the days passed the children started to complain about the spoiled smell of tomatoes . Students who had many tomatoes complained it was very heavy to carry. Teacher asked, "How did you feel this one week?" Children complained of smell & heavy weight of the tomatoes .

Teacher said, "This is very similar to what you carry in heart when you don't like some people. Hatred makes heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred everywhere.

If you can't bear the smell of spoiled tomatoes for a week, imagine the impact on your heart that you carry throughout life." Heart is a beautiful garden that needs regular cleaning of unwanted weeds. Forgive those who have angered you. This makes room for storing good things.. Have a blessed life.

591] One night a man came to our house and told me, “There is a family with eight children. They have not eaten for days,” I took some food and I went. When I finally came to the family, I saw the faces of those little children disfigured by hunger. There was no sorrow or sadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger. I gave the rice to the mother. She divided it in two, and went out, carrying half the rice with her. When she came back, I asked her, “Where did you go?” She gave me this simple answer, “To my neighbors-they are hungry also.” I was not surprised that she gave–because poor people are generous. But I was surprised that she knew they were hungry. As a rule, when we are suffering, we are so focused on ourselves we have no time for others. -Mother Teresa

592] A young teacher from an industrial city in the north of England had accepted a temporary job teaching a class of four-year-olds out in one of the most isolated, rural parts of north Wales. One of her first lessons involved teaching the letter S so she held up a big colour photograph of a sheep and said: "Now, who can tell me what this is?" No answer. Twenty blank and wordless faces looked back at her. "Come on, who can tell me what this is?" she exclaimed, tapping the photograph determinedly, unable to believe that the children were quite so ignorant. The 20 faces became apprehensive and even fearful as she continued to question them with mounting frustration. Eventually, one brave soul put up a tiny, reluctant hand. "Yes!" she cried, waving the snap aloft. "Tell me what you think this is!" "Please, Miss," said the boy warily. "Is it a three-year-old Border Leicester?"
(The Border Leicester is a breed of sheep originating in England and raised primarily for meat). The teacher looked on dumbfounded and sheepish!

593] You release a bee in a garbage dump and it goes from flower to flower. If asked at the end of the day how its life was, the bee would answer: "Beautiful, all I saw was flowers." And the bees carry with it the nectar from flowers and creates honey". Now, you release a fly in a beautiful meadow but the fly would find only garbage dump and animal droppings. If asked the same question at the end of its day, the fly would complain : "My day was foul and my life unbearable." And all that it would have gather for itself was filth and disease".

People too are the same way. Some people are like flies. They move only from one garbage dump to another consisting of negativity, complaints, and how difficult things are..... these people and are never happy. Other people are like bees - they avoid the garbage dump and just move on to the garden and flowers where they find positivity, hope, cheerfulness, confidence..... In reality, it is not the circumstances or the environment one lives in. It is how one chooses to live - like a bee or like a fly....

594] Someone asked an old man, “At 70yrs, u still cal ur wife . …Darling.., jaan…, janu…., sweety…, baby…., Honey….., Luv….!!!!” What is the secret of this love??? 
Dhamaaka answer by Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago…….. & I’m scared to ask her.
595] President Jimmy Carter, Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin gathered in Camp David in 1978 to discuss peace. President Anwar Sadat approved the peace proposal but it was rejected by the Israeli Prime Minister Begin. There was a stalemate. The three, by now tired and emotionally drained, were about to depart without any peace accord. As President Carter and Prime Minister Begin were about to depart they remembered that they had earlier agreed to sign photographs for each other’s families. They met on the front porch of Prime Minister Begin’s cabin for the signing. President Carter asked for the name of the children to make the signing more personal and Prime Minister Begin reciprocated. Then President Carter decided to show the photographs of his grandchildren describing the personality of each; Prime Minister Begin did likewise. As they looked at the pictures tears filled their eyes. What type of world would their grandchildren grow up in? Prime Minister Begin returned to his cabin and re-emerged after five minutes asking to look at the peace proposal once again.

596] One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week. The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week. The grocer was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door. Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. The politician was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.If you don't forward this, nothing bad will happen. But someone will miss a good laugh

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597] Apparently this is a true story. Elisabeth Elliot published the story above in her 1995 book, "Keep A Quiet Heart" (Servant Publications, Ann Arbor Michigan). She says the story is a first-person account given to her from Brenda Foltz of Princeton, Minnesota. Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death, she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the rope and started up the face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the safety rope snapped against Brenda’s eye and knocked out her contact lens. Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping it had landed on the ledge, but it just wasn’t there. Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down, despondent, with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.” She thought, “Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.”

Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, “Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?” Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it. Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words, “Lord, I don’t know why You want me to carry this thing. I can’t eat it, and it’s awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I’ll carry it for You.”

I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, “God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it’s awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will.” God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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598] Several years ago, Arlene and her husband Jim were invited to spend the weekend at Jim’s employer’s home. Arlene was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.

The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. Her husband’s employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so she as enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.

He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny?

Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.

A smile crept across the man’s face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before!

What was the point of this?

“Look at it.” He said. “Read what it says” She read the words “United States of America.”

“No, not that; read further.”

“One cent?” “No, keep reading.”

“In God we Trust?” “Yes!” “And?”

“And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God’s way of starting a conversation with me. God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

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599] Bob Butler lost his legs in a 1965 land mine explosion in Vietnam. He returned home a war hero. Twenty years later, he proved once again that heroism comes from the heart. Butler was working in his garage in a small town in Arizona on a hot summer day when he heard a woman's screams coming from a nearby house. He began rolling his wheelchair toward the house but the dense shrubbery wouldn't allow him access to the back door. So he got out of his chair and started to crawl through the dirt and bushes. “I had to get there”, he says. It didn't matter how much it hurt.

When Butler arrived at the pool there was a three-year-old girl named Stephanie Hanes lying at the bottom. She had been born without arms and had fallen in the water and couldn't swim. Her mother stood over her baby screaming frantically. Butler dove to the bottom of the pool and brought little Stephanie up to the deck. Her face was blue, she had no pulse and was not breathing. Butler immediately went to work performing CPR to revive her while Stephanie's mother telephoned the fire department. She was told the paramedics were already out on a call. Helplessly, she sobbed and hugged Butler's shoulder. As Butler continued with his CPR, he calmly reassured her. “Don't worry”, he said. “I was her arms to get out of the pool. It'll be okay. I am now her lungs. Together we can make it.”

Seconds later the little girl coughed, regained consciousness and began to cry. As they hugged and rejoiced together the mother asked Butler how he knew it would be okay. “The truth is, I didn't know”, he told her. “But when my legs were blown off in the war, I was all alone in a field. No one was there to help except a little Vietnamese girl. As she struggled to drag me into her village, she whispered in broken English, “It okay. You can live. I be your legs. Together we make it”. Her kind words brought hope to my soul and I wanted to do the same for Stephanie.

There are simply those times when we cannot stand alone. There are those times when we need someone to be our legs, our arms, our friend!

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600] There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop the cyanide capsule in
and sit here watching the poison dissolve knowing I only had 8 hrs left to live and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! "But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"

601] A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient, was understandably nervous. When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped down into the patient's throat. Sorry, said the doctor. You're outside my specialty now. You should see a laryngologist. By the time the unfortunate victim got to the laryngologist, the tooth had worked it's way much further down. The laryngologist examined the man. Sorry, he said You're outside my specialty now. You should see a gastroenterologist. The gastroenterologist X-rayed the patient. Sorry, said the doctor, the tooth has traveled into your lower intestines. You should see an enterologist. The enterologist took some X rays. Sorry, the tooth isn't there. It must have gone down farther. You should see a proctologist.

Our patient is now on the proctologist's examining table, in the proper elbow-knee position. The doctor has inserted a proctoscope and is looking through it. Good heavens, man ! You've got a tooth up there ! You should see a dentist !

602] This Valentine day bring your Wife, get 25 % discount on food...

Bring your Girl friend, get 35 % discount...

Bring your Lover and get 40 % discount...

If you can bring all 3 at same time, entire bill & one month complimentary stay at LILAVATI HOSPITAL will be paid by management


603] Once there was a flood in a village. People were atop their roofs for safety. One of the men was constantly praying to God. He was deeply religious and a god- fearing man. Water level was rising steadily. Along came one boat, others asked him to climb onto it to save himself. He refused. He said, “ No, I will be saved by my God.” The boat left. After a while came another boat and again people insisted. He replied in the same vein. The water level went up to the roofs finally. Then came a helicopter, and a rope was thrown to him asking to get in the helicopter. Again, the same answer. In a short while the man was up to his neck in water, and eventually died. He reached heaven and bursting with anger, asked God why He didn’t come to his rescue, when he was an ardent devotee. God replied, “Foolish fellow, the rescue teams in the boat and the helicopter were sent by me. But it was you who did not want to save yourself. How can I do anything about it? I gave you three options, but you declined them yourself.”

''THE MESSAGE''- In this world we will, of course, have to face difficulties and problems, we do pray to God during those times, but we have to continue working hard. People who blame their luck for their misfortune or spill it on God will forever remain where they are, since God too loves those who work unceasingly and do not sit idle.

604] I had known a friend of mine who used to say that he misplaces and loses his pen very often. He will use only very cheap pens so that he need not worry about losing them. He was worried about carelessness habit. I suggested to him to buy the costliest pen he could afford and see what happens. He did that and purchased a 22 carat Cross pen. After nearly six months I met him and asked him if he continues to misplace his pen. He said that he is very careful about his costly pen and he is surprised how he has changed! I explained to him that the value of the pen made the difference and there was nothing wrong with him as a person! This is what happens in our life. We are careful with things which we value most.

* If we value our health, we will be careful about what and how we eat;

* if we value our friends, we will treat them with respect;

* if we value money, we will be careful while spending;

* if we value our time, we will not waste it.

*if we value relationship we will not break it.

Carefulness is a basic trait all of us have, we know when to be careful!

Carelessness only shows what we don't value...... Have a wonderful n careful life.....

605] Do baatein hamesha yaad rakhna:. Pahli baat : Har insaan itna bura nahi hota jitna 'PAN-Card' aur 'Aadhar Card' mein dikhta hai. ...Aur itna achcha bhi nahi hota jitna 'facebook' aur 'whatsapp' per dikhta hai. Aur dusri baat : Har aadmi itna bura nahi hota jitna uski 'Biwi' usko samajhti hai....Aur itna achcha bhi nahi hota jitna uski 'Maa' usko samajhti hai..

606] A little boy wanted to meet God! He packed his suitcase with two sets of his dress and some packets of cakes! He started his journey, he walked a long distance and found a park! He was feeling tired, so, he decided to sit in the park and take some refreshment! He opened a packet of cake to eat! He noticed an old woman sitting nearby, sad with hunger, so he offered her a piece of cake! She gratefully accepted it with a wide look and smiled at him! Her smile was so pretty that the boy longed to see it again! After sometime he offered her another piece of cake! Again, she accepted it and smiled at him! The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but never said a word! While it grew dark, the boy was frightened and he got up to leave but before he had gone more than a few steps, he ran back and gave the woman a hug and she kissed him with her prettiest smile!

Back home, when the boy knocked the door, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face! She asked him, "What did you do today that makes you look so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God!" Before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home! Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and asked, "Mom, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied, "I ate cakes in the park with God!"

Before her son responded, she added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected!"

Too often we underestimate the power of;
a touch,
a smile,
a kind word,
a listening ear,
an honest compliment,
or
the smallest act of caring,

all of which have the potential to turn a life around! Remember, nobody knows how God will look like! People come into our lives for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime! Accept all of them equally.. .. .. .. .. ..LET THEM SEE GOD IN YOU..!!

607] Leave applications. (murdering english language)



Infosys: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave."
________________________________
Oracle, Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
________________________________
Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
________________________________
From H.A.L. Administration Dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave."
________________________________
Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o'clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
________________________________
A leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
________________________________
A leave letter to a headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
________________________________
Another letter written to a headmaster: "As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
________________________________
Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
________________________________
Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom..."
________________________________

Actual application for leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

________________________________
Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.
608] I went to Genesis Hotels through Exodus road. On the way, i saw Leviticus recording the Numbers of people at Deuteronomy, while Joshua was waiting at the beautiful
gate for Judges to see Ruth calling loudly "Samuel, Samuel". At a stage, the, first and second Kings of Chronicles were coming to visit Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther for the misfortune of Job their brother. Then they noticed that Mr. Psalms was teaching his children Proverbs concerning Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon. This coincided with the period that Isaiah and Jeremiah were engaged in Lamentation for Ezekiel and
Daniel their friend. By that time, Amos and Obadiah were not around. Three days later, Hosea, Joel and Jonah traveled in the same ship with Micah and Nahum to
Jerusalem . Habakkuk then visited Zephaniah who introduced him to Haggai a friend of Zechariah whose cousin is Malachi. Immediately after the old tradition, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John got involved in Acts with the Romans who were behaving like the Corinthians, who were also always at loggerhead with the Galatians. At that time too, the Ephesians realizing that the Philippians were close to the Colossians, suggested to the Thessalonians that they should first of all see Timothy who had gone to the house of Titus to teach Philemon his younger brother how to read and write in
Hebrew. On hearing this, James asked Peter to explain to him how the three Johns
have disclosed to Jude the Revelation of my journey

609] Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water. As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly. The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature... Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore... At that point the frog decides to jump out... The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature... Very soon the frog dies.

What killed the frog? Many of us would say the boiling water... But the truth is what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when it had to jump out. We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to confront/face.

There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action...

If we allow people to exploit us physically, mentally, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so... We have to decide when to jump. Let us jump while we still have the strength. Think on It !!  I love this message every time I read..

610] “How does one attain happiness?” “By learning to be content with whatever one gets.” “Then can’t one ever desire anything?” “Yes, one can,” said the Master, “provided one has the attitude of an anxious father I once met in a delivery ward. When the nurse said, “I know you were hoping to get a boy, but it’s a baby girl,’ the man replied, “Oh! It doesn’t matter really, because I was hoping that it would be a girl if it wasn’t a boy.”

611] A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up. You know why? Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'

612] Sardarji standing below a tube light with open mouth. Why?


Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light!'

613] 1 sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?


Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

614] Santa! Your daughter has died!


Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!

615] On romantic date sardar's gf asks him: 'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?' He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'

616] Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever. What will come first, chicken or egg? Oye Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

617] Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote: 'Due To Rain, No Match!'

618] What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox? He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

619] Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?


They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

620] Sardar & wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar: Drink quickly before it gets cold.

Wife: Why? Sardar: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.

621] Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible luking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror! 
622] What happens when a Sardarni delivers twins???? 
The Sardar does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...
623] Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe___ EVERY YEAR

624] Manager asked sardar at an interview.


Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

625] After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?


Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

626] One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:


Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

627] Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi


So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

628] Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?


Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

629] Sardar: My mobile bill how much?


Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

630] Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..


Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

631] Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

632] Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ..

While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .. Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

633] Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"


Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

634] Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?


Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
635] Sardar to Librarian: l want a book named "Psycho The Rapist".

The Librarian searched for 3 hrs then came back & Slapped the Sardar & said

Idiot the book name is "Psychotherapist" 
636] A little boy was doing maths homework, saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7, 3+6 the son of bitch is 9. His mother heard this & asked "what r u doing?"
Boy, "doing my maths' homework".
Mom: & this is how ur teacher taught u?

Boy: "Yes"

Infuriated mother called the teacher: R u teaching maths to children by saying 2+2, the son of bitch is 4?

Teacher started laughing & answered: "what I taught them was, 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4...

637] When John D. Rockefeller died in 1937, it was generally accepted that he was the richest man in the world. There were an enormous amount of people at his funeral, including family, friends, and employees from his many companies. There was also a large gathering of photographers, journalists, and newspaper reporters. One young journalist caught sight of Rockefeller’s chief accountant and asked him after the funeral, “Weren’t you Mr. Rockefeller’s accountant?” “Yes, I was,” he responded. “Tell me,” the journalist continued, “how much did he leave?” To which the accountant wryly responded, “All of it.”

The accountant’s answer proves an important point when it comes to our material possessions: whatever we gain here stays here. A person can have all of the world’s wealth and riches, but it’s only temporary. Life is rapidly passing away, and no matter how big the bank account or how valuable the vault, none of it will count in the eternal world to come.

And yet so much of our lifetime can be wasted by trying to accumulate and keep wealth. When we get caught up in what we can lay our hands on here, it’s easy to let go of the eternal truths we need to steer us through this life and lead us into the next. What an unwise decision to invest in the temporal rather than the eternal.

Jim Eliot profoundly pointed out, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” You can’t take earthly wealth with you, but you can send it ahead by sharing and giving toward kingdom causes that have eternal value.

638] A woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground at West Coast park one fine Sunday Morning. "That's my son over there" she said, pointing to a little boy in a red T-shirt who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue T-shirt." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son. "What do you say we go, Jack?" Jack pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes." The man nodded and Jack continued to swing to his heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to go now?" Again Jack pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes." The man smiled and said, "O.K."

"My! You certainly are a patient father," the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "My older son John was killed by a drunk driver last year, while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with John and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Jack. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch him play." Life is not a race. Life is all about making Priorities.


What are your priorities? Give someone you love, FIVE more minutes of your time, no matter how busy you are and you will have no regret forever. Once you have lost it, it shall be lost FOREVER.... Life can only be understood backwards; But it must be Lived forwards. LIVE LIFE BEFORE YOU LEAVE LIFE... FIVE More Minutes
639] Once I asked God why he doesn’t fulfill my wishes if he’s everywhere… God replied in a very technological manner…. I am like a Wifi my child…. I might be available but you got to connect with a correct password ....which is PRAYER

Have a great weekend.

640] A man is introducing his family: 1. This is my wife..... Google Raani... if u ask one

question she wud give many relevant and irrelevant answers ...!!!
2. This is our son.. Facebook Kumar... he makes sure that our personal matters reaches the whole colony...!!!
3. This is our daughter .... Twitter Kumari... whole colony folow her...!!!
4. This is my Whatsapp mother- she buzzes all day commenting on everything..!
5. And i am, Orkut Ravi ... i have become irrevelant..!!!
641] Never ask for a lighter rain, just pray to God for a better umbrella. - That is the attitude!

Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very end.

Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on what you make with them; a Wall or a Bridge? - Remember you are the architect of your life.

Search for a good heart, but don't search for a beautiful face, coz beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always beautiful.

It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life, but it’s important how well you play with the cards you hold.

Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, remember God and pray, it’s just a bend, not the end.' - Have faith and have a successful life.


One of the basic differences between God and humans is, God gives, gives and forgives. But the human gets, gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life...

If u think it is your alarm clock that woke you up this morning, try putting it beside a dead body and you will realise that it is the Grace of God that woke you up. 


Let's b grateful to God now and always

642] Eileen Taylor had something sweet on her mind in the drive-through line at Heavenly Donuts. But it wasn’t a doughnut. Just the day before, a stranger ahead of her in line had generously paid for her coffee. “[The gesture] made such a big difference in my day,” says Eileen, 55. She had recently lost her job as a physician’s assistant, and money was tight. But Eileen was inspired to pick up the $12 tab of the family in the car behind hers. What she didn’t know was that her kindness would go viral, and in a chain reaction, dozens of other drive-through patrons would be prompted to pay backward too. In two and a half hours, 55 drivers paid for the order of the person behind them in line.

The doughnut shop’s employees had seen this before. In fact, this Heav’nly Donuts, in Amesbury, Massachusetts, was known as a special place—manager Wendy Clement says her customers are the “best in the world.” But, even so, the workers were amazed when a 15th car pulled up to the window and the driver paid for the next patron—they knew then that they were on a streak. By the time the lines for the drive-through and at the counter were empty, the shop had more than doubled its previous record. Later that day, Eileen swung back to pick up a coffee. Wendy told her what had happened. “Everyone was all aflutter,” says Eileen. Now working again as a physician’s assistant, Eileen visits Heav’nly Donuts every Saturday morning, grabbing a coffee—and paying for the order of the customer behind her.

643] A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." 
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." 


The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
644] A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

645] A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." The genie snapped his fingers and poof, the woman disappeared.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." The genie once again snapped his fingers and poof, the man disappeared.

"OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

646] Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile soil. The first seed said, "I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and drive my sprouts through the earth's crust above me ... I want to unfold my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring ... I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!" And so she grew...

The second seed said, "Hmmmm. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don't know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts ... what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe." And so she waited...

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.
-------------------------------------------------
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Make pro-active choices! Have an exciting year ahead


647] The professor stood before his class of 30 senior molecular biology students, about to pass out the final exam. “I have been privileged to be your instructor this semester, and I know how hard you have all worked to prepare for this test. I also know most of you are off to medical school or grad school next fall,” he said to them. 
“I am well aware of how much pressure you are under to keep your GPAs up, and because I know you are all capable of understanding this material, I am prepared to offer an automatic ‘B’ to anyone who would prefer not to take the final.”

The relief was audible as a number of students jumped up to thank the professor and departed from class. The professor looked at the handful of students who remained, and offered again, “Any other takers? This is your last opportunity.” One more student decided to go.

Seven students remained. The professor closed the door and took attendance. Then he handed out the final exam.
There were two sentences typed on the paper: “Congratulations, you have just received an ‘A’ in this class. Keep believing in yourself.” 
“You have to believe in yourself even when no one else does,” reminds Harvey Mackay.

648] An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American returned home to Vermont but then decided to travel to India to see if Indians had the same phone. He arrived in Goa, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call. The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over the World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches in many countries. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven but the price everywhere was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Goa now, Son - it's a Local Call". This is the only heaven on Earth

649] A teacher decided to let her class play a game. She told each child to bring along a plastic bag containing a few cooked potatoes. Each potato was to be given a name of a person that the child hated, so the number of potatoes that a child would have in the bag would depend on the number of people he/she hated. So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the person he/she hated. Some had five, another 7, one as many as 9. The teacher then told the children to carry the plastic bag with them wherever they went (even to the toilet) for a week. Days passed and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, some found the bags too heavy to carry around all the time. After a week the children were relieved that the game had finally ended.

The teacher asked how it felt to be carrying potatoes for a week. The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they went.

Then the teacher told them, "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of the hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it wherever you will go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just one week, can you imagine what it is to live a lifetime with the stench emanating from within you."
650] Indian moms want their daughter to control their husband and expect their son to control their wives.

Parents want their children to stand out in a crowd but expect them to do what everybody else is doing.

Everything that is run by government looks very bad except government jobs.

National animal - endangered 


National pledge - unintended 

National river - polluted

A huge country of numerous languages.....united by a foreign language.

Government talks about removing the caste system but you are required to mention your caste on every damn form you fill.

Seeing a policeman makes us nervous rather than feeling safe.

We often say "guest is like God in disguise" but we do not allow visitor parking in our residential societies...

Last and good one... We are Always in a hurry but never on time..!


651] A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his school bag with a big bag of potato chips and his water bag. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his school bag. As he was about to drink water, he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him more and some water too. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted!! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word. As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever...

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!" Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, "Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of listening to others, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally! Wish you have lunch with God?

652] A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights." Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!" The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up." 

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!" The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"
653] One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden, an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a policeman came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY MERCEDES DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked.

"HA!" the policeman replied, "You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed: "MY ROLEX!"
654] When the end of the world comes, everybody on earth goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.


God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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