Soph- You fit the French - bon parole, vil dessein.
Enter Trick and Track, dressed as security guards, Shuck and Jive.
Shuck- Welcome to the United Nations San Francisco Mission.
Jive- As of I’m sure you hold great cognization, our heightenized state of alertage - we are, I believe, in magenta or rouge - makes necessitary some extreme security measurables veezasneez your high profile peace keeper person people and the safety of the adoriful Misses Griffin, so have I been ordinized to searchulate your physicals.
Hun- That won’t be necessitary.
Jive- Yo, Shuck!
Shuck- Yo, Jive?
Jive- What’s the procedurance with resistulating searchibation?
Shuck- The three I’s - Incarceration, interrogation, and, if necessitary, incoercination.
Jive- I recommendify the searchibation.
Hun- Who ordered we be searchified?
Jive- Those parties properly positionized to pass down searchibation orderance.
Hun- I consider myself a properly positioned party to over-ride that order, so you may go.
Jive- Do you possess the proper searchibation orderance over-riding formage?
Hun- Not on me, no.
Jive- Then as you cannot provinate yourself a proper searchibation orderance over-rider, we will proceeduralize with the unridden-over searchibation orderance passt down from the properful searchibation orderance ordering partyalization. Spread em.
Shuck- Or face the three I’s.
Soph- Griffin, c’est bon d’accord.
Jive- Much obligified, madam. Standard procedurals, sir. We regret any sense of invaginating. I’m sure you’ll sleep more soundly knowing every curve and crevace, even of your most trusted loved-ones, has been thoroughly probicized.
Shuck pulls a gun off Griffin.
Jive- Weapons are prohibilogical on UN grounds, sir.
Hun- Yes, I know.
Shuck- You may go.
Sophie- Thank you, guards.
Jive- Our pleasurativity, madam.
Shuck confiscates the gun. Hunter and Sophie exit. Enter Leveret. Shuck gives him the gun.
Lev- Less fun, more done.
Trick- Dude, I’m an artist.
Lev- So take your loot, and next time, keep it real.
Track- You rub that wonk, I dibs his spetch.
Exit Trick and Track.
Lev- There he goes, in the flesh, the same cologne
O, murder is a major life decision.
Enter Sophie and Walker. Leveret hides.
Soph- I do not see why Griffin needs a gun.
Walk- He needs it, Sophie, to protect himself.
Soph- From what?
Walk- From those who hate his policies.
Soph- His policies of peace? Who could hate them?
Walk- The purveyors of war.
Soph- In San Francisco?
Chacun à Paris est un amoureux.
Walker- Death often enters in the form of love.
Hun- How do I look?
Soph- Comme mon amour.
Walk- Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Sophie.
Your husband speaks so ceaselessly of you
My job descript of late has mostly been
To get his mind off you and onto work.
Soph- And it is nice to finally meet you, Walker.
My husband speaks so ceaselessly of you
My job descript of late has mostly been
To get his mind off work and onto me.
Hun- My many minds can satisfy you both.
Walk- Enjoy your night.
Soph- We will, unless we’re shot.
Lev- I cannot do it. Activate Plan B.
Enter the assassin, peacefully.
Lev- Ya habibi!
Walk- Stop or I shoot!
Hun- Walker, drop! This is a UN Mission. You, there. Step to the light and prove you are not what we think you to be.
Lev- I’m not what you think me to be.
Hun- Drop your weapon, Walker. I know this man, or knew this man, who was once so near to me we shared both atmosphere and gravity. But this cannot be him. That man is dead.
Lev- Must all who leave you suffer death?
Hun- What else to call a total disappearance?
Lev- A choice to live inside another light.
Hun- You’re welcome, then, if living is your aim.
Lev- My aim is living, tho my aim be bad.
Hun- Sophie, my lovely new wife; Walker, my loyal new pitbull; meet Leveret, my delirious old friend.
Walk- Your friend is armed.
Hun- What are you doing here toting a gun?
Lev- What are you doing here not toting one?
Soph- Pleased to meet you, Leveret. I take it that your time with Griffin was brief and uneventful, as we have sworn, and I fulfilled, an oath of full disclosure, and the tale of the old delirious friend is yet to tell.
Hun- Brief and uneventful makes it more than it was.
Lev- We met in kindergarten.
Hun- That far back?
Lev- And tight as might thru every grade, we roomed all through college, where I made his bed, paid his bail, and wrote his papers.
Hun- Regret is our reward for a life well lived.
Lev- Our junior year, we did a year a broads.
Hun- A year abroad.
Lev- First stop, Amsterdam, where the only rule is cheat.
Hun- Sophie and I met in Holland after her performance. Seeing her on stage, my heart cried out jihad against its past, and cast her lead in my new play on peace.
Soph- I’ve always found it odd our love began when I was not myself and you unseen.
Lev- The goddess need not question the conversion.
Soph- Je suis une déesse très suspecte.
Hun- Je suis un suivant très dévot.
Lev- Next stop, Firenze!
Hun- O, salto mortale!
Lev- We plundered that amazing, ancient scree of catacombs, cathedrals, cemeteries, and sold the stash...
Hun- To properly licensed collectors.
Lev- Then, like bedouin thieves fleeing a pillaged pyramid by night, we humpt it thru the fertile crescent.
Hun- The Holy Land.
Lev- Just tryin to score some piece in the Middle East.
Hun- Onward to Calcutta.
Lev- That filthy lotus bud of untouchable groping maya where we rompt the festival of Durga Puja.
Hun- Dwarf leprotics.
Lev- Poppy brothels.
Hun- Talking monkeys.
Lev- And Kali, the ten-armed goddess of love.
Hun- Cleansing herself of demons in the Ganges.
Lev- Ghandi here ‘most slit a Tamil Tiger for a cheat.
Hun- You saved my life.
Soph- Peace has a violent past.
Lev- So, we split for China.
Hun- Said goodbye, ain’t seen each other since, and here you are!
Lev- Have you forgot the finale?
Hun- I’m not sure.
Lev- There we are, broke and broken in Hong Kong.
Hun- And he, who’d always been my trusty spy…
Lev- Who’d saved him from the shark and butterfly….
Hun- Who’d thrown himself tween me and my karma…
Lev- Evaporated into IndoChina.
Hun- Ya habibi.
Walker- So now I see you know too much to ever let you go.
Soph- Bien, que puis-je dire? This compte rendu complete,
Assist- Message from the Secretary General.
Assistant hands the message to Walker and exits.
Walk- 19:30 hours EST, Central City, Beijing, small tactical nuclear device detonates, death toll thousands and rising.
Soph- O qui est horrible!
Hun- Any specs on the source?
Hun- Walker, we can trust them.
Walk- UNSCOM agents trace activation to Muslim Uighur separatists with fissile mass produced in the French protectorate of Corsica, acquired at arms bazaar outside Sharjah.
Hun- What’s China’s response?
Walk- Sympathizer purges in Xinjiang, full attack arsenal in top alert, with one condition - the governor of Corsica is extradited to Beijing or war is declared.
Hun- And France?
Walk- Denies and defies.
Hun- They can’t do this to me.
Soph- To you?
Lev- They can’t do what?
Hun- Til this resolves, the Hunter Accord is dead.
Lev- So buzz your little peace force, covert into Corsica, snatch the governor, whisk him to China, and blip, it’s resolved.
Hun- Leveret, I can handle this.
Soph- That is not a good idea.
Walk- It’s not a bad idea.
Lev- It’s a great idea!
Hun- Without the Accord, my “little peace force” is illegal.
Soph- What if the French discover this reckless ruse?
Lev- Who cares what France discovers? She’s a washt-up drama queen. Her irrelevance makes her jealous, her jealousy makes her bitter, and her bitterness increases her irrelevance.
Walk- The governor of Corsica pops up in Beijing, France is absolved of shameful capitulation, China is satisfied.
Lev- And the Hunter Accord is signed like a sermon for the deaf.
Hun- If it fails, I am ruined.
Soph- Either way you are ruined, for the Accord will be signed by those you’ve trickt, and what is that? The cheated live to cheat.