The long Thanksgiving Day weekend is over. That means there are just three weeks of leftover turkey until Christmas

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


HE BITS…

The long Thanksgiving Day weekend is over. That means there are just three weeks of leftover turkey until Christmas.


The long Thanksgiving Day weekend is over. I had a lot to be thankful for this holiday weekend. For one, I didn’t get into a fight at Wal-Mart.
Another Thanksgiving Day weekend is over. The parade was on at our house. Not the Macy’s Parade…the parade of relatives coming over for free food.
Fights broke out among holiday shoppers at numerous Wal-Mart stores around the country over the weekend. In fact, they say Wal-Mart shoppers were falling faster than their prices.
Fights broke out among holiday shoppers at numerous Wal-Mart stores around the country over the weekend. Nothing says ‘holiday spirit’ like beating someone to a pulp for the last Furby.
It’s reported that consumers spent $57 billion this holiday weekend. I got really excited at the mall this weekend until I realized I’d misunderstood the sign at Victoria’s Secret saying they had women’s lingerie half off.
Today is Cyber Monday, the online shopping equivalent of Black Friday. It’s nice being able to shop in your underwear. I got arrested when I did that in the mall on Black Friday.
The Hunger Games movie made $75 million over the holiday weekend. Millions of people saw violence and fighting to the death…and those were just the people that went shopping at Wal-Mart.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com

Monday,

December 2nd, 2013

ON OF THE BITS…
Lamar Odom is reportedly demanding that Khloe Kardashian pay him a $10 million divorce settlement so he won’t reveal secrets about the family. However, Lamar is willing to waive his no-trade clause.

Lindsay Lohan is suing the makers of Grand Theft Auto 5, claiming they used her image without permission. However, Lindsay says her favorite video game is Grand Theft Necklace.


Britney Spears is 32 years old today. Britney’s friends plan to throw her a party and lip synch Happy Birthday.
President Obama says that he only lets his oldest daughter, Malia, have limited access to Facebook. That makes sense. After all, the president only lets us have limited access to his Obamacare website.
Former Vice President Al Gore has gone vegan. Gore’s announcement was immediately ridiculed by Republicans and Ronald McDonald.
Amazon.com is testing a new delivery method that would send packages to customers using drones. Plus, if you’re not completely satisfied, they’ll kill you.
Amazon.com is testing a new delivery method that would send packages to customers using drones. In a related story, al Qaeda’s number-two man says he’ll no longer shop on Amazon.com.
According to a new survey, Americans don't trust each other anymore. Of course, that’s if you trust the people that did the survey.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


ODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…

Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from The Amazing Race, Sunday Night Football, The Walking Dead and the Kardashian’s Christmas special.

Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area

Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or amunos@unitedstations.com

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


INSELTOWN TATTLER…

In a cruel twist of irony, Fast and Furious star PAUL WALKER died in a fiery car crash in Santa Clarita, California on Saturday. Walker was a passenger in a modified Porsche Carrera GT when the driver lost control and slammed into a tree. The car then burst into flames and exploded. The driver was former race car driver Roger Rodas, the CEO of an automotive company called Always Evolving. Walker was involved with the company and they had just wrapped up a charity event at their headquarters when the two went for a drive. Autoweek magazine said the car was difficult to drive, even for professionals and one driver described its handling as "scary." Rodas’ eight-year-old son was on the scene just seconds after the car burst into flames and tried to get to the vehicle to save his dad and Walker. Police say their bodies were burned so badly that the coroner will need dental records before proceeding with the autopsies. Walker was due to film scenes for The Fast and Furious 7 this week. Now the movie has been delayed, but apparently won’t be scrapped. Walker was 40 years old and is survived by his 15-year-old daughter, Meadow. (See burning wreckage here)

LAMAR ODOM is reportedly demanding $10 million to end his four-year marriage to KHLOE KARDASHIAN! The National Enquirer also says that Lamar is demanding Khloe return his $875,000 engagement ring in exchange for keeping quiet about the Kardashian family secrets. Lamar supposedly laid out his conditions after Kris Jenner ordered Khloe to sit down with their attorneys and hammer out a divorce deal. A source tells the tabloid, “Kris and Khloe are very worried about Lamar. He’s a loose cannon, and he has a lot of dirt on the family and nothing to lose. He knows all about their extreme surgery procedures and the pressure put on the younger girls to follow suit.” They say Odom could also rip the cover off Keeping Up with the Kardashians and expose just how fake the show is.


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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


INSELTOWN TATTLER 2

LINDSAY LOHAN is suing the makers of Grand Theft Auto 5, claiming they used her image without permission. Lindsay apparently feels that a woman holding a cell phone on the cover of the game looks like her and the game itself features a mission where another woman that looks like her asks the player to take her home and escape the paparazzi. Another part of the game shows another character resembling Lindsay at a hotel that looks like the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood, where she once lived and is known to hang out.
It looks like CHARLIE SHEEN has found himself a new porn star goddess. Charlie was photographed kissing and cuddling adult film star Brett Rossi on the balcony of his villa in Los Cabos, Mexico, on Thanksgiving Day. Charlie later tweeted the photo with the caption, “Best Thanksgiving ever. I’m thankful for ‘Giving’ the world another face-load of planet jealous!” Brett re-tweeted Sheen's post and wrote, "Finally in cabo with my love."

Actress MARIA BELLO came out of the closet in a New York Times op-ed piece. Bello wrote that she has a serious girlfriend and recalled how she told her 12-year-old son about it. Bello wrote that she’d been in one relationship with a woman before her current girlfriend, but that men made up the rest of her romantic history. Bello also revealed that she was seriously ill this past summer, but didn’t reveal the nature of the illness, only saying that at one point it looked as if she might not survive. Bello says both her son and her parents are supportive of the relationship.

ROSEANNE BARR went on a drunken Twitter rant over the weekend, saying she’s had it with Hollywood and plans to go into "geriatric porn." Roseanne tweeted: "I'm never going to work in television again. I'm never going to even attempt it. I feel as if I've been insulted/assaulted for over a year." Apparently Roseanne was cheesed after two deals for new sitcoms went bad and she felt unappreciated by the studios.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


INSELTOWN TATTLER 3

SHARON OSBOURNE has undergone drastic cosmetic surgery on her private parts and was thoughtful enough to share the details. Sharon actually had the work done in 2011, but is just now dishing, saying: “(It was) just excruciating. Having it tightened was the worst, it hurt a lot.” Asked if it was worth the pain, she said, “My husband thinks so. It’s back the way God wanted it to be.”
BARBARA WALTERS has announced her list of this year’s 10 Most Fascinating People. They include Robin Roberts, Jennifer Lawrence, Miley Cyrus, Pope Francis, Prince George, swimmer Diana Nyad, the stars of Duck Dynasty, Kimye (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West) and NSA leaker Edward Snowden. However, as usual, her most fascinating person won’t be revealed until the show airs. This will be Walters' last Most Fascinating special since she's retiring next year.

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Bitman

By David Evjen


Bitman1@aol.com

Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


ATELINE HOLLYWOOD…

This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1."The Hunger Games: Catching Fire," $75 million

2."Frozen," $67 million

3."Thor: The Dark World," $11.1 million

4."The Best Man Holiday," $8.5 million.

5."Homefront," $7 million

6."Delivery Man," $6.9 million.

7."The Book Thief," $4.9 million.

8."Black Nativity," $3.9 million.

9."Philomena," $3.8 million.

10."Last Vegas," $2.8 million


WILL FERRELL co-anchored the news on a Bismarck, North Dakota TV station as Ron Burgundy on Saturday night. Ferrell read stories off the teleprompter, punctuated with exaggerated eye blinks, and engaged in witty banter with the news team. (See here)


One of the main characters on THE SIMPSONS will be killed off, but KELSEY GRAMMER doesn’t seem to think it’ll be his Sideshow Bob. Grammer says, "He'll [always] come back. They've already killed him 20 times! He comes back alive." However, Simpsons producer Al Jean had said in October that the star who voices the departing character had not yet been informed.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com

Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


USIC NOTES…

ONEREPUBLIC performed in the Philippines the night before the killer typhoon hit the country and now they’re giving back. The band has donated $100,000 to relief efforts. Ryan Tedder said the promoter told them right before the show to get to the airport early so they could get out and they missed the storm by only a few hours.
THE WALKMEN are going on what they call a "pretty extreme hiatus." The band says that after shows in Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia they have "no future plans whatsoever." However, bassist/organist Peter Bauer says the Walkmen are not breaking up.
THE PIXIES’ bassist Kim Shattuck is already out of the band, just a few months after replacing Kim Deal. Shattuck tweeted: "Super disappointed to learn that my time with the Pixies ended today." The Pixies kick off their North American tour on January 15th in Toronto with a bass player to be named.
NO DOUBT bassist TONY KANAL and girlfriend Erin Lokitz welcomed their second daughter on Friday, November 22nd. Saffron Rose Kiran Kanal joins big sister, Coco Reese Lakshmi.
A handwritten working manuscript of BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S "Born to Run" will be auctioned off this Thursday by Sotheby's. The manuscript is expected to bring $70,000 to $100,000.
DARYL HALL AND JOHN OATES plan to record again. Oates says they’re thinking about doing a single, but don't really see a need to do a whole album. They’re among this year’s nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.


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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com

Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


USIC NOTES 2

BOB DYLAN caused a fuss with comments he made earlier this year in the French edition of Rolling Stone. Dylan was discussing America's history with slavery when he compared it to more modern day conflicts, saying that the Serbs can sense Croatian blood. A French-based Croatian community group is now suing over the matter and Dylan could face a fine and formal sanction.


Former JAGGERZ frontman DONNIE IRIS is suing EMI Records after rapper THE GAME sampled the group’s 1970 album cut "Memoirs of the Traveler" on his song "Letter to the King." Iris contends that The Game's label paid royalties to EMI, but they never passed the money on to Iris and his co-writers.
One time Mouseketeer and STANDELLS’ drummer DICK DODD has died at the age of 68. Dodd announced recently that he had stage 4 cancer of the esophagus, spleen, liver and spine.
LADY GAGA & The Muppets Holiday Spectacular wasn’t that spectacular as it only drew 3.6 million viewers and had a 0.9 rating among adults 18-49. That was considerable less than the annual repeat of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, which had 5.3 million viewers.
GARTH BROOKS’ Live From Las Vegas special delivered 8.7 million viewers on Friday night. It was the highest-rated and most-watched TV show on the networks that night.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


UBULAR…


Daytime:

Today: Actor Ian McKellen

Kelly & Michael: Lucy Liu (``Elementary''); Sheryl Crow performs


The View: Kirstie Alley; actors Emile Hirsch and Holliday Grainger

The Talk: Betty White

Queen Latifah: Christina Aguilera

Ellen: Allison Janney; Chord Overstreet; Gavin DeGraw performs
Primetime:

ABC: It’s the animated classic A Charlie Brown Christmas, plus Jennifer Nettles hosts the CMA Country Christmas special

NBC: The Voice Top 6 contestants perform

ESPN: Monday Night Football with the Saints at Seahawks

ESPN2: College hoops with Florida at Connecticut

NBC Sports: Hockey with the Flyers at Wild
Late Night:

Jay Leno: Kim Kardashian; actress Abigail Breslin; Two Door Cinema Club (R)

David Letterman: Sylvester Stallone; Anna Faris; Deltron 3030 performs (R)

Jimmy Kimmel: Orlando Bloom; MMA star Ronda Rousey; The Wild Feathers

Conan: Casey Affleck; Chris D'Elia; John Legend

Jimmy Fallon: Dylan McDermott; Paul McCartney performs (R)

Craig Ferguson: Betty White; actress Evangeline Lilly; comic Josh Blue

Arsenio: Sean ``Diddy'' Combs; reality TV stars Tisha Campbell-Martin, Shahidah Omar, Nicole Ari Parker and Cynthia Kaye McWilliams

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013



HE WATERCOOLER…

Thanksgiving and Black Friday generated $12.3 billion in sales this year. While surveys taken ahead of time indicated that more people were going to stay home on those days, Thanksgiving Day traffic grew 27 percent this year. Overall spending was expected to reach $57.4 billion for the weekend, which would be down from $59.1 billion last year. However, that may be due to Thanksgiving and Black Friday coming a week later this year.
Black Friday became Bloody Friday for some Wal-Mart shoppers as fights were reported at a number of their stores around the country over the holiday weekend. In Claypool Hill, Virginia, police arrested two men in a Wal-Mart parking lot, where one man was threatening another with a rifle and a knife and the victim received a severe cut to his arm. In Rialto, California, a police officer suffered a broken hand and a finger trying to break up a fight in another Wal-Mart parking lot. There were also reports of brawls at Wal-Mart stores in Philadelphia, Atlanta, New Jersey, Iowa, North Carolina, Tennessee and Texas.

Today is Black Friday’s online cousin, Cyber Monday. While you won’t get trampled or beaten up online, you could get scammed. Online shoppers are being warned to have all their Web browser updates installed so that they have the latest antivirus technology. Other tips include ignoring e-mails and pop-up ads and using your credit card and not your debit card. If you get ripped off while using your debit card, the money is already gone from your bank account and is hard to recover. If you’re using a credit card, you can dispute the charges.

If you sent photos of your Thanksgiving turkey to family and friends, you’re not alone. Thanksgiving was the busiest day ever for Instagram. In fact, it was the second Thanksgiving in a row that set a busiest-day-ever record for Instagram. There aren’t any numbers yet, but last year Instagram said users sent over 10 million photos on Thanksgiving.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013



HE WATERCOOLER 2

According to a new poll, about 30 percent of Americans haven't seen a single one of their Facebook friends in the past two months. Another 23 percent said they’d seen one to 10 percent of their Facebook friends in the same period. They also found that the average Facebook user has 245 friends.

A new survey finds that Americans don't trust each other anymore. The survey found that only one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted, which is down from half of Americans that felt that way in 1972, when the General Social Survey first asked the question. Less than one-third expressed a lot of trust in clerks who swipe their credit cards, drivers on the road, or people they meet when traveling. They say the lack of trust leads to people treating each other in a less civil manner. Unfortunately, things probably won’t get better anytime soon as the basis for a person's trust level is set by the time we reach our mid-twenties and is unlikely to change, unless something unifying, such as a world war, happens.

When Patrick Moote proposed to his girlfriend in front of thousands of people at a UCLA basketball game, he was humiliated when she turned him down. Patrick was perhaps even more humiliated by her reason for turning him down. Apparently she felt he had a small penis. However, instead of living in shame, Patrick decided to make a documentary about his shortcomings called Unhung Hero. In the film, Patrick confronts ex-girlfriends, doctors, anthropologists and even adult film stars to find out if size matters. (See trailer here)


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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


PORTS SHIRT…

Coach Mike Tomlin’s stroll onto the playing field during a kickoff return by the Baltimore Ravens on Thursday night might cost the Pittsburgh Steelers. Sources say both Tomlin and the Steelers could face six-figure fines, and that the Steelers could lose a draft pick.
Minnesota Vikings corner Chris Cook shoved an official who signaled a Chicago Bears touchdown during yesterday’s game. While the shove was pretty slight, it still earned Cook an ejection and will likely lead to a substantial fine.
New Orleans Pelicans forward Anthony Davis broke his left hand against the New York Knicks yesterday. The team doesn’t know at this point how long he might be out for.
Florida State is the new No. 1 in The Associated Press college football poll, following Alabama’s upset at the hands of Auburn. Florida State is followed by Ohio State and Auburn, with Alabama and Missouri rounding out the top five.

The beard shavings of Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz sold on eBay for $10,877.77. The winning bidder also gets the razor used to shave off Ortiz’s beard. Proceeds go to benefit the Movember charity.

Rory McIlroy came from four shots back in the final round to defeat Adam Scott and win the Australian Open. It was McIlroy’s first win of 2013.



Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013



Scoreboard

NFL


Jacksonville 32 Cleveland 28 Final

Indianapolis 22 Tennessee 14 Final

Carolina 27 Tampa Bay 6 Final

Minnesota 23 Chicago 20 Final OT

Philadelphia 24 Arizona 21 Final

Miami 23 N.Y. Jets 3 Final

New England 34 Houston 31 Final

Atlanta 34 Buffalo 31 Final OT

San Francisco 23 St. Louis 13 Final

Denver 35 Kansas City 28 Final

Cincinnati 17 San Diego 10 Final

N.Y. Giants 24 Washington 17 Final

NBA:

Denver 112 Toronto 98 Final

Indiana 105 L.A. Clippers 100 Final

Detroit 115 Philadelphia 100 Final

Golden State 115 Sacramento 113

Miami 99 Charlotte 98 Final

Oklahoma City 113 Minnesota 103 Final

New Orleans 103 New York 99 Final

Portland 114 L.A. Lakers 108 Final

NHL:

Vancouver 3 Carolina 2 Final

Detroit 4 Ottawa 2 Final

Edmonton 3 Dallas 2 Final SO


NCAAM:

Wichita St. 70 Saint Louis 65 Final

Miami 60 Arizona St. 57 Final

Today’s Games

NFL


New Orleans at Seattle (8:40 PM)
NBA:

Orlando at Washington (7:00 PM)

New Orleans at Chicago (8:00 PM)

Atlanta at San Antonio (8:30 PM)

Houston at Utah (9:00 PM)

Indiana at Portland (10:00 PM)


NHL:

Winnipeg at N.Y. Rangers (7:00 PM)

New Jersey at Montreal (7:30 PM)

Philadelphia at Minnesota (8:00 PM)

St. Louis at Los Angeles (10:30 PM)

NCAAM:


Florida at Connecticut (7:00 PM)





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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


UH…

When a Minneapolis Star Tribune delivery driver stepped out of his truck to deliver papers to a convenience store, Garrett Howard Hurlbut helped himself to the vehicle. The truck was later found parked in the middle of an intersection a little over a mile from the store with Hurlbut nearby. Not surprisingly, he smelled strongly of alcohol and registered at more than twice the legal limit on a breath test. What will likely surprise you is that Hurlbut told officers that he jumped or fell from the truck and that he was running from zombies. Hurlbut suffered lacerations on his head and was taken to a hospital, where he made further statements about taking the truck because he was "afraid he was being chased."

Windermere, Florida’s Christine Ellis was pulled over by police after they saw her driving the wrong direction on a one-way street and hitting a curb. Upon closer inspection, they noticed a large amount of front end damage to Christine’s vehicle and her 6-year-old son sitting in the front passenger seat. While Christine denied being drunk, she did admit to taking 10 Ambien pills earlier in the day, saying it makes her stupid. When an officer asked her to define ‘stupid,’ Christine clarified, "Wrecking cars with my kids in the car." When asked how many wrecks she’d had that day, Christine said she had three, but couldn’t recall where they’d happened, although her son stated the officers "were much nicer than the other officers they spoke to today." Christine was charged with child neglect and, yes, DUI.
Friendswood, Texas’ William Fitzpatrick rolled his Hummer, with the vehicle coming to a rest in a ditch. William was apparently uninjured, but his 17-year-old passenger, Jordan Rice, broke her pelvis. William carried Jordan door-to-door in a nearby neighborhood looking for help. One homeowner went to the door and saw William outside without a shirt on and Jordan lying in the driveway, in obvious pain. Neighbors called police, but William didn't wait and instead carried Jordan up into the attic of a home through an open garage and left her there. Jordan eventually got medical attention and William turned himself in to police after a warrant was issued for his arrest.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


O’ DUH…

Denver International Airport spokesperson Stacey Stegman was being interviewed by a local TV news crew last Wednesday in the airport’s baggage claim area. Stacey reassured holiday travelers that baggage thefts at the airport don’t happen often. Shortly afterwards, Denver police told a local TV news crew that they were “actively investigating” an airport baggage theft that occurred just a few feet away from Stacey and the news crew at precisely the same time she was reassuring holiday travelers about how few bag thefts they have at the airport. (See here)

Serge Vorobyov spent thousands of dollars at Minnesota’s Mall of America over the weekend and all he got was a citation for disorderly conduct. It seems that Serge tossed 1,000 dollar bills over an upper floor railing at the mall as a choir performed "Let it Snow." Serge said he's going through a divorce and lost his business and hoped the positivity of throwing the money would come back to him. Serge not only said he threw his last $1,000, but that he invited his estranged wife to win her back, but she didn't show up.

Ocean Beach, California’s Juvencio Adame trimmed some bushes on city land that abuts his property because the overgrown shrubbery became a haven for homeless people to sleep and litter. Apparently having minor crime such as theft, murder and drug dealing under control in Ocean Beach, the San Diego County District Attorney’s Office is prosecuting Adame on felony charges of “defacement, damage and destruction” in excess of $400 and he now faces three years behind bars.


The new PlayStation 4 comes with a new feature called 'Playroom' that allows users to broadcast live video. This feature was recently utilized by a user with the handle Darckobra, who broadcast a stream of he and his wife drinking heavily on their couch. When the wife passed out, Darckobra stripped his wife’s clothes off, leaving her naked for viewers to see. The incident prompted the TV service to ban Darckobra and Sony may be re-thinking the application as well. (See here - SFW)

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

December 2nd, 2013


ISTORY LESSON…

1804: Napoleon was crowned Emperor of France

1901: Gillette patented the first disposable razor.

1927: Ford unveiled its Model A

1939: The first airliner landed at New York's La Guardia Airport

1951: The Adventures of Superman, starring George Reeves, made its TV debut

1952: NBC televised the first human birth to be seen on TV

1967: The Monkees scored their record fourth number-one album in a one-year span, a feat not yet equaled

1969: The Boeing 747 made its inaugural flight from Seattle to New York City

1970: The Environmental Protection Agency was founded

1981: Dreamgirls, based on the story of the Supremes, opened on Broadway

1982: Barney Clark underwent the first permanent artificial heart transplant

2001: Enron filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy


Birthday Partiers:
musician Michael McDonald 61

actress Lucy Liu (Charlie's Angels, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Elementary) 45

singer Nelly Furtado 35

singer Britney Spears 32



: bmc -> wp-content -> uploads -> 2013
2013 -> By David Evjen
2013 -> By David Evjen
2013 -> By David Evjen
uploads -> Starting this fall Sesame Street is going to air on hbo. Actually, it’s not the first time a Muppet has appeared on hbo. A couple years ago, the Count guest starred on an episode of True Blood
uploads -> Rumor has it that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom may be getting back together. Apparently Khloe doesn’t want to rush into anything because she only signed Lamar to a 10-day contract
uploads -> Miley Cyrus has finally left the hospital. However, Miley says that she’ll continue to see that she’s properly medicated
2013 -> Yesterday was Halloween. I had a party at my house last night and three people came as pirates. This morning my boat was gone
2013 -> Today is Friday the 13th. You know it’s going to be an unlucky day if you sit on the lap of a fat guy in a red suit and it turns out not to be Santa Claus


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