The Sexiest Place on the Internet

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Tough Pigs Yearbook 2010

The Sexiest Place on the Internet”



compiled by Ryan Roe

Hey, a yearbook! 2010 was a pretty rockin’ year for the Tough Pigs forum, with lots of forum members saying lots of funny things. There were all kinds of new projects coming at us from all sectors of Muppetdom, so we had a lot to talk about… not that we ever talked about Muppets much.

Quoted threads are arranged here in chronological order, accompanied by a notation as to who nominated each one, and if you turn to the back of your book you’ll find the index, which has been carefully designed to be useful to exactly no one.

As always, I want to thank everyone who nominated posts, as well as everyone who ever said anything on the forum at any point in 2010. And yes, as you may have noticed, 186 pages is a really long yearbook… but what was I supposed to do – cut one of the references to Quinn’s private parts?

Oh, and by the way, just to avoid any confusion: David H and Dave H are two different people.

December and 2009 Forum Stats Jan 3 • 12401.7

Carolyn Aww, December is the time to come together. On the internet.

[Michal]


Last call for yearbook nominations Jan 7 • 12404.3-7

Marianne Oh shoot I almost forgot.

12140.18 - .19

11899.99

3907.2746 - .2749

12213.14 - .18

12291.6 - .7

Joe For a minute I thought this was the Judge Everything thread, and you were very confused as to how the rating system works.

Michal For a minute I thought we were looking at stocks.

I do not know what stocks look like.



Cathy



Michal And now I do.

[Peter P]



Dolly and Piggy Jan 11 • 12418.3-4

Peter S Great to see her perform with Dolly... God, what a pair!

Ryan R "God, what a pair!" is a pretty common reaction to Dolly Parton.

Miles & Carter stories Jan 11 • 7711.922

Quinn Okay, first a Carter story: we were at my niece Kjerstin's baptism on Saturday morning, and one of the things they had those in attendance do was write a little note on a card that they're compiling into a little scrapbook for her. Mormon kids get baptized at 8, so she'd be reading them herself later. Miles wrote a note, and Melissa wrote a note, and I wrote a note, and Carter wanted to as well. So on his card he drew a little picture of a book, and wrote "BOOB OF MORMON" on it in big letters (instead of the more conventional, but less interesting, "Book of Mormon."). I did one of those snorting guffaws that usually only hit me in churches, and got glares from half of the room, and curious "what is Quinn laughing about because it's probably really funny" glances from the people who knew us. So I shared it. A lot. And in case we were wondering if Miles knows what "boob" means, he definitely does. And his eyes were bugging out, he was trying so hard not to laugh. Nice. Nice kids.

Miles & Carter stories Jan 11 • 7711.923


Quinn Last night after dinner we were sitting around the table, and Miles looked up with this thoughtful face and asked, "Why can't brothers and sisters marry each other?" Happily, knowing he doesn't have any sisters, and won't, I knew this was still in the realm of the hypothetical.

So we went into an detailed discussion of many different reasons, including:

1) If you had a sister, you'd know that you probably wouldn't want to marry your sister.

2) It's illegal to marry your sister, even in Utah.

3) I'm assuming it says somewhere in the Bible or associated Talmudic tradition that it's forbidden.

4) DNA among siblings is too close, so you end up with bizarre birth defects like three fingers or toes and ears growing out of foreheads and talons on your Achilles tendons and such.

The reason he latched onto the most was the fourth one, so we talked about DNA and how it can get messed up by various factors, and combining the DNA of siblings gets too chatoic and messy. And then he said, "you know, there's only a 2% difference between the DNA of a human and a chimpanzee."

And I should have followed up on that, because now that I think of it, he might be interested in marrying a chimpanzee.



The Muppet Suggestion Box Jan 11 • 12416.27

Justin T Also, I just got home from Wal Mart and I think it's ironic as can be that Disney has their own Monopoly game. "I just bought CBS! Oh yeah, well I just bought air. Try to breathe now fools. Bwahahahaha!"

[Peter P]



Tough Pigs dreams Jan 15 • 9244.695

Quinn Somehow in my dream, it was 1999 and we were in NYC. Joe, Ryan and I were three parts of a folk quartet, driving through the city trying to get from Point A to Point B. The fourth member of the quartet was a succession of women who changed every time the camera angle of my dream changed: it was Michal, Martha, Cathy, Kellie, Michelle Pfeiffer-as-Selina Kyle, Melissa, an old co-worker Sharyn, a current co-worker...it was most curious. And I'm pretty sure I was hitting on each woman, trying my luck. I remember at one point saying, "it's 1999, I'm not married yet!"

I'm pretty sure Scott was doing voiceover work as the Muppet Wiki, because at one point we were crossing a pedestrian bridge which had about a thousand turnstiles on it as a kind of obstacle course, and a voice came out of nowhere saying, "IN SESAME STREET EPISODE 1244 THIS BRIDGE IS VISIBLE IN THE LIVE ACTION INTERSTITIAL ABOUT THE LETTER U"...

At some point we also ditched our Studebakery car for a flying DeLorean, although there was no time travel.

Going off the NyQuil sucks.

[Michal]


Miles & Carter stories Jan 17 • 7711.939-41

Quinn After the final Revenge of the Sith level of Star Wars LEGO on the Wii, there's a little animated movie showing what happens at the end of the movie: Anakin being transformed into Darth Vader and Padme giving birth to little Luke and Leia and then kicking the LEGO bucket.

So last night during dinner, the boys, having a rudimentary understanding of where babies come from, but not quite how they end up among us instead of floating in amniotic fluid, asked "when Padme was breathing all funny like this (insert labor breathing here), what was she doing?" And we used the recent example of our cat having kittens to explain what Padme was doing, since they actually saw that happen.

And that made them both laugh and laugh and laugh some more, and then inspired about twenty minutes of Carter watching Miles give birth, and then hand off to Carter giving birth, and then back to Miles, and then to Carter, and just laughing harder and harder. The best was Carter, lying on our dining room chairs:

CARTER: *breathe breathe breathe breathe gruuuunt* "POP-POP! I have two babies! Awwww, dey're so cute!"

I just know they're going to start their Labor & Delivery routine again during church today...they know it's entertaining, and unfortunately, they have their parents' sense of when and where things are most inappropriate. It's gonna be a good one.

Joe Aw, congrats! You're a grandpa!

Ryan R Every mother I've ever known has said that going through labor is a really hilarious experience.

[Michal]


Commercials That Make You Buy Stuff Jan 21 • 12436.47

Jes Yeah, what's up with the people at the Mall? It's like they swept the floor of the DMV and dropped off what stuck to the broom.

[Michal, Cathy]


The website thread Jan 21 • 9574.910-13

[The topic is talking in your sleep.]



Quinn My best one was on a snowmobiling trip with friends back in 1998, and had something to do with people living in pumpkins, and not having "enough room for you." I can only assume it arose from a blanket-sharing issue in a seedy motel room. PUMPKIN SEEDY.

Michal You're out of your gourd, my dear.

My friend Ian reports that he's been heard saying, "Obelisks are a terrible birthday present" and "The quintessential nature of burial is the same."



Grant I once terrified my girlfriend by sitting up in bed and saying "Oh good, the vampire's here. We can get started."

Also, my first-year roommate once accused me of singing in my sleep. I believe him.

[Michal]

Dirty Sesame Street Jan 22 • 12446.1-7

Ryan R An unfortunate typo:



David H Pssst.....

now would you like to buy an O?

[Peter P, Cathy]

The Muppet Suggestion Box Jan 24 • 12416.39-40

Denise do they do audtionsor not?? plz let me noe

Daniel Words are for speaking.

[Anthony]



Tshirts. Jan 27 • 11748.221-27

Ryan R What if the Word on the Street were "nose rings?"

Peter P Or torque?

Joe Or fuck?

Cathy That's my favorite word on the street!

Scott It's what Elmo's thinking about today.

Cathy I'd like to see how he asks a baby about that one.

Daniel I imagine that conception would be the best time.

[Michal]


Frank Oz is a newt Jan 28 • 12454.14

Peter S There's such a fine line between Biker and Naughty Gay Leatherman...

And Frank Oz is the line!

[Scott]

Muppet cakes Jan 29 • 11258.102

Martha The technical term for the smooth, plastic-y looking icing is "fondant."

The technical term for how it tastes is "Blech."

[Joe]

Superman Feb 1 • 10368.462-63

Scott Kryptonian lungs were engineered based on Time Lord technology. Just like Oscar's trash can.

Anthony That is seriously one of the nerdiest posts I've ever seen.

The Muppet Suggestion Box Feb 1 • 12416.64

Tom If the only result of the whole Suggestion Box thing is that Michal ate a piece of cheese because of it, then it truly has all been worthwhile.

January Forum Stats! Feb 2 • 12480.11-13

Ryan R So Martha is Baby Bear?

Peter P Does that make Chuck Hewo Guy?

Anthony Gwoss! I don't think Baby Bao and Hewo Guy have THAT kind of welationship!

Dating Kermits Feb 12 • 12507.3

Peter P Of course he has commitment issues. He's a heterosexual frog in a world with three women, one of whom is a chicken.

[Beth]


Tough Pigs dreams Feb 25 • 9244.736-38

Lara Now if someone could explain to me why Alan Ruck was my father in my dream last night THAT would be real helpful... We were constantly changing trains looking for my missing sister (of which I don't have one) who was played by our very own Michal! I was petrified she was going to be kidnapped or something equally terrible, which led to much consoling on Alan's part.


Michal Don't worry, Lara; you're not alone. Lots of people fear I'll be kidnapped. That's how I ended up with this tag in my ear.

Beth I always thought that you were a Steiff teddy bear, actually.

[Peter P]



The awesome pictures thread Feb 25 • 11848.470-73

Dan OUCH!



Joe If I had those, I'd always be afraid that my feet were heckling me.

Ryan R Ouch is right. Getting two cranky old men tattooed there must truly be the agony of de feet.

Lara That's what she said!

No, wait, the other one...

Ba dum ching!

That's it.

[Erik]

Radish PJ Fabric Mar 1 • 12546.9-11

Peter S I love this far flung tough pigs tribal lifestyle... Can I borrow a cup of sugar?

Martha Sure! Brown? White? Confectioner's?

This is to put on radishes, isn't it?



Peter S It's to put in my pajamas!

[Joe]


Willow the Obligatory Birthday Kitten Mar 1 • 12548.7-12

Ryan R Has it really been three years?

Joe Nope, it's been two years. If a man takes a pill every hour, he's taken two pills in three hours.

Anthony And by "two pills in three hours," you mean "three pills in two hours."

Joe Did I really just do that? I am an idiot.

*takes a handful of pills*

[Michal]

The website thread Mar 2 • 9574.961-62

Carolyn


Scott Hims abowt 2 get beeten up!

?oar shreddified.

Okay, dis wun maded mii laf owt lowd!

Gud fing the kyute quoshunt uf teh kitteh and teh froggie ar bof ony mid-range. Put dat hedgeer back awn reel fast an I fink yu will be safe!


Muppets on YouTube Mar 5 • 12305.29-30

Joe I love that they miked him.

Justin W I read that as "milked him", looked blankly at it for a minute, wondered briefly if you maybe were referring to Frank Oz in the follow-up interview people were talking about (because somehow milking Piggy made more sense than milking Kermit), decided you were probably referring to milking a joke, and figured in any case it would make sense after seeing the video.

Then I went to watch the video. I got to the part where Kermit sits down and gets his first closeup in the chair, and went "So cute! They miked him!"

Then I paused the video and came back here to post about how I loved that.

Then I figured out what you must have written.

Yes.

[Martha]


Muppets on YouTube Mar 7 • 12305.38-42

Dan Doesn't everyone watch The Muppet Show just for Pops?

Anthony I watch it just for Bruce Forsyth.

Ryan R So you just watch that same episode over and over again?

Anthony No, but I'm disappointed 119 out of 120 times.

[Joe]


Sesame and American Apparel Mar 13 • 12140.99-100

Anthony Oh, I have that homies shirt. I didn't realize it was an AA product.

Now I kind of wish I hadn't bought it.

Anyway, I wore it yesterday.

Jes Now take your pants off- I mean, whoops, damn you American Apparel!

[Martha]


Fan Art: "Real" Cookie Monster Mar 18 • 12588.12

Peter P The only place I want moist cookies is in a motorboat.

[Scott]

Rate Elmo Mar 23 • 12593.18-23


Anthony Oh, man. Elmo asking a baby is my least favorite thing about Elmo's World.

It was funny once! It is not funny every day for 12 years!



Michal But... but... It's a baby! Just looking at a baby makes me laugh. They're like people, but more interesting.

The Muppet Madness Tournament Mar 24 • 12580.231

Michal It's not that I find Fozzie annoying. He's a complex, brilliantly performed character. But he's written to fail a lot, and when he fails, he gets uncomfortable and sad, and when I recognize myself in him, it makes me uncomfortable.

Miss Piggy is also a complex and brilliantly performed character, and there could easily be aspects of her personality that make her seem pathetic. But in the face of adversity, Piggy shoves past anything and anyone standing in her way. She's glamorous enough to convince the world that she's more than just an aspiring star.

And when I see myself in Miss Piggy, living the fantasy of stardom, I feel fabulous.

Muppet Show Comics Mar 28 11183.743-49

Joe A Gonzo mini-card by Katie Cook: http://twitpic.com/1blayg

Scott



Quinn You're such a girl.

[Lara]


Music stuck in your head Right Now Mar 29 • 9639.2341-43

Robyn Well, I got me a fine wife I got me old fiddle. When the sun's comin' up I got cakes of the griddle. Life ain't nothin' but a funny funny riddle. Thank god I'm a country boy!

Cathy And all this time I thought you were a Canadian girl!


Anthony Canada is, in fact, a country.

Computer problems... Mar 30 • 12608.1-13

Lara I can't figure this out...

SOMETHING on my computer keeps playing the audio for "Ghostbusters"... I mean like from the very beginning and on. I got to Pete's "You volunteered, didn't you?! We're paying you, aren't we?!"

I HAVE A VIRUS OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES WTF GET IT OFF!

HEEEELP!


Martha You do know who you have to call for a haunted computer.

Ryan R So did you delete the tracking cookies? Most anti-virus programs will offer to help you eliminate the problem one way or another...

Or have you tried uninstalling Firefox and then reinstalling, or switching to Chrome?

And when it's playing the audio, have you done Ctrl+Alt+Del and checked your Task Manager to see if anything is running that looks like it be giving you Ghostbusters? Maybe you could figure out what program it's coming from.

Jes Who ya gonna call?

Ryan R Ya're gonna call Martha, who made that joke 8 posts ago.

[Cathy]


Cadbury Mar 31 • 12607.4044

Jes *sing-song*

Gueess whhattt I booought todaaay...



Peter P A camel!

Ryan R 5,000 pounds of bacon!

Joe A seat on the Senate floor!

Cathy My love?

[Michal]


Cadbury Apr 4 • 12607.52

Quinn I'm going to be breaking down the doors of our corner grocery store to get at the Cadbury Mini Eggs on clearance tomorrow morning. Because they're good. And good for me!

The Easter Bunny came to our house. Miles is already up and bouncing off the walls, and hopping around on the floor like a rabbit. We medicated the heck out of Carter last night when he was coughing all night long, so he's still sleeping. But he's breathing, and he'll be happy later. All is well.

Miles was trying to figure out the route of the Easter Bunny..."does he go to Tony's house first, and then our house? Does he go diagonally, or follow the streets? Does he only go to the houses with children? Does..." EAT YOUR CANDY AND STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!


Quinn's Class Apr 5 • 8351.513-14

Cathy I love you, you nerd.

Quinn It's all I ever wanted.

Plus lightning that shoots out of my hands.

[Michal]

News Stories Apr 6 • 9750.1555-58

Scott Scrabble Rules Change Permits Proper Nouns, Horrifies Purists

http://kotaku.com/5510610/scrabble-rules-change-permits-proper-nouns-starting-in-july

Joe Does that mean I need to buy the new version?

I can't wait until Scrabble starts allowing made-up words.



Ryan R Do you really poline Scrabble, in all its eklgody, would ever allow made-up words? It's a very doepjai notion, but I gomp a hard zeeeex imagining that they would ever mithz it homb, at least as long as blpe haveg sluret makino gniprs iblwytmhn.

[Martha]


Judge Everything Apr 6 • 8892.3314

Anthony Okay, so I went to see a Cardinals game with my family in August. Here's what happened -

Stage one: Contentment. For the first inning or so, I was eating peanuts and sitting out in the sun. The stadium was nice. It was a good time.

Stage two: Boredom. Well, looking around a stadium is only fun for so long. Eventually the only thing to hold my interest was a baseball and obviously that wasn't going to work. So I tried to sleep. But everyone kept making noise! I did not care for them. Stupids.

Stage three: Resignation. After I was roused from my nap, I decided I could just as well try to pay attention, since I had nothing else to do. So I tried my hardest. I followed the action (even if I did look at the scoreboard more than most people), but sure enough, it was still agony to look at.

Stage four: Escape! Around the 5th inning or so, I asked if anyone wanted anything from the concession stand. My brother Benjamin said that yes, he'd like a Mr. Pibb in a souvenir cup. So I waited in line for at least half an inning. It was beautiful. I was inside where it was cool and I didn't have baseball in front of me. And then - best part! - when I got up to the counter, they were out of souvenir cups! So I got to do it all over again!

Stage five: Excitement! The score had been tied 1-1 for much of the game. Shortly after I got back to my seat, the Cardinals pulled ahead. At that point, I started to cheer. Exclusively for defense! For the rest of the game, I was on the edge of my seat, hoping every batter would get out quickly and I could go home! Eventually I got to.

That was my favorite part.

[Michal]


Animal Show DVD Apr 13 • 12639.6-11

Max This isn't exactly a misread thread title, but I keep seeing this and thinking it's a clip of all Animal sketches. Would be a pretty hilarious reel!

Ryan R I was actually planning to do a cute little joke like that if I ever get around to reviewing the DVD. But now you've gotten there first!

Danny Yeah, I tweeted about the Animal Show DVD, and I got a reply from someone who was disappointed that it wasn't a talk show hosted by Animal.

WHICH WOULD BE AMAZING.



Ryan R Animal is a completely unsophisticated brute who can barely put a complete sentence together... and he would make a much better talk show host than Jay Leno.

Mike C *clears throat*

OBAMA! HEALTHCARE PLAN! TOP TEN LISTS! DANCING ITOS! NOW CAMERON DIAZ! YOU IN A MOVIE?! SHOW CLIP! SHOW CLIP! NOW WHITE STRIPES! *destroys Meg White's drum set* Buh-bye.....



Joe I would watch that every dang night.

[Michal]


eBay Apr 17 • 12658.1-7

Mike C



Peter S Wow. Piggy's still rockin' the holy land!

Joe And she's not even kosher!

SkekZok on Muppet Babies?? Apr 21 • 12661.16-18

Justin W Fascinating game: Do a Google search for [skeksis chamberlain mmmmmmm].

It asks:

Did you mean: skeksis chamberlain mmmmmm

Click on that (or type it into the search box), and it asks:

Did you mean: skeksis chamberlain mmmmm

Click on that, and it asks:

Did you mean: skeksis chamberlain mmmm

Sadly, it ends there.

Also, for some reason the top hit in each case is a link to an erotic fanfic starring the Chamberlain, which I do not recommend following.

Jog ... I wouldn't ever want to hear that Chamberlain sound during sex.




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