The Well Cultured Anonymous is a collaborative project between /b/tards to make the biggest compilation of self help information that ever hit /b/. From advice on Girls to advice on Clothing, it is truly an example of how smart Anon is.
Everything you read here was stolen from Wikichan.org by the buttons 'Ctrl', 'C' and 'V'. I just compiled the text into this picture, maybe happened before and I didn’t lurk enough but here it is, I give you The Well Cultured Anonymous.
You have seen them everywhere – self help topics of Anonymous begging for help with his life. Some people have no idea how they should dress other than wearing a Pantera t-shirt with jeans that their mother bought for them five years ago. Some have no idea how to approach women and spend their time masturbating to loli. And some just want to know if they should shave their pubes.
Here, my friends, is your answer. Written by anon, edited by anon, and perfected by anon. Every single tip, trick, and barrel roll you will ever need to know without having to ask for he;lp. The first chapters of this Wikibook will intend to enlighten and refresh your memory on the basics- how to look decent, how to keep in shape, and that kind of thing. Then, it will segue into other people- how to pick up women, how to handle other people, and how to have a dinner party where you don't throw food. Then, the miscellaneous things- college protips and tricks, and basically anything else you could ever want to know.
Read away. Edit away. Learn, Anonymous.
As proof that women are, indeed, on the Internets is on the increase, requests and edits may soon be made for a women's edition of the guide. As well, the "Uncultured Anonymous" may come soon as an alter ego guide for those of you looking for more "fun" ways of doing things.
WARNING: The information in these chapters is not to be taken literally or be used in any way to commit any illegal acts. This information is for learning purposes only, and does not (directly or indirectly) support the topics discussed thereof. You take all responsibility for how you use any of these chapters, no matter what.
We're going to assume you're a cave-troll and have never washed in your life so ALL the "obvious" things are mentioned. Fuck, you should know how to do this, but who knows.
Showers are absolutely fucking essential. Showers are basically your way of keeping yourself fresh and new without having to do much other than rub yourself over.
Stuff you need: Soap (either bar or liquid), Shower, Towel - srsly, that's everything that's absolutely necessary, don't believe it? -then read on... Stuff you may want: Shampoo, Conditioner, (facial) Cleanser, Sponge/Flannel/Back-Brush/Bath-Mitt, TODO - anything else you can think of...
1. Turn on shower, get in.
2. Rinse - briefly rub all over before using the soap, get hair thoroughly soaked - this gets quite a bit of the dirt off (most of it if you're covered with mud or NOT MUD or something).
3. Wash- this should also be obvious, but start from the top and work your way down - this is so that you avoid rinsing washed-off dirt onto the parts you've already cleaned. Start with head/hair (Protip: YOU DON'T NEED SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER, soap will clean it fine, although you may prefer something else - go with what seems to work best for the money you want to spend; still, Conditioner is for metro-fags), rub the soap (or whatever) in for a couple minutes then rinse - repeat until it feels clean. Now the face, again, SOAP IS FINE, you can also use a flannel or scrape (scrape, not scratch) any of the greasier parts with a fingernail. Like the hair, soap/rub/rinse until clean. Now continue working downwards; arms, armpits, chest, back, balls, penis (that includes retracting the foreskin for cleaning if you're a Eurofag or not a Jew/Durkatard/AmeriKKKan), asscheeks, anus, legs, feet (including between toes). For washing the body, some abrasiveness may be useful - this can be "grainy" soap or the sponge/flannel/mitt mentioned above.
4. Rinse (again) - ensure all soap etc. is washed away.
5. Dry - Thoroughly, with a towel (or 2, unless you don't mind using the same one for your face and ass). Again, start with hair and work down to feet, pay particular attention to areas where skin rubs against skin (asscrack, armpits etc.)
Remember, remove everything you put on yourself that day/yesterday, meaning if you walk in smelling like cologne and booze, you need to come out smelling like soap.
Of course, use deodorant or antiperspirant. Unless you're one of the lucky ones whose BO isn't bad (get someone else to confirm this), pick one and use it. Go with sticks or roll-ons because spray wears off faster and covering yourself in it is worse then smelling like BO. Ax, Lynx or Tag will not get girls to jump you in the street, it's just marketing you dumb fucks, if you like the smell then use it in MODERATION!
And then, the second most obvious task for you to do: Shave, unless you can grow nice facial hair that looks good on you. Horrible facial hair ruins a great face; great facial hair improves a horrible face. This doesn't mean for you to go out and grow a goatee- clean shaven men are usually preferred. The only exception to this is a "close but rough" shave, which some women find hot. That's just a five-o-clock shadow, so that comes with time, just shave it away in the mornings and let it come back in the evenings.
Electric or Traditional/Safety Razor
While the bladed razor does give you a much smoother shave compared to an electric razor, the tradeoff is that non-electric razors require:
1. Sink full of hot water 2. Shaving cream 3. Shaving cream brush (you don't need this but it makes application and lathering much easier and more effective) 4. Aftershave lotion/gel 4. Lots of time and steady hands
So while the electric is quick and dirty, the straight edge takes time and practice, so if you don't have a lot of spare time and you do not want to look like a stuck tomato (shaving cut + razor burn), go electric.
Then comes the obligatory that your mother always taught you- brush and floss your teeth. Brushing your teeth, as well as occasionally flossing, is essential if you want to be frenching anyone any time soon. Make sure you have brushed your teeth before you leave your house in the morning and certainly after breakfast. Check your tongue for accumulated gunk (you should perhaps do this every time you go to a bathroom with a mirror), you can either brush it as well or scrape it all off with a thumbnail (sniff your thumbnail afterwards, did you really want to keep that in your mouth?, now wash your hands). If you're in a situation where you're going to be talking to people, and you think your breath might smell, chew some gum. You might find it helpful to always keep gum with you in case you might need it.
The last thing is also important: brush your hair. Brushing your hair is necessary, no matter if you have short or long hair. For those of you with long hair, it gives it a sleeker and much more organized look- and for those of you with short, it keeps it from looking TOO messy. Then, if you feel the need, you can add gel or any other hair product to it. Just don't go overboard- if you look like you spent as much time as your date fixing your hair, there is a problem.
If you have really bad acne, you could probably benefit from seeing a dermatologist. Ask your Primary doctor, as they can prescribe various creams for various severities. If it's only mild, you can treat it yourself by using the right facial cleanser and acne cream. Acne occurs when pores become plugged with dead skin cells and then become infected by bacteria. When you are buying facial cleanser, look for something that has salicylic acid listed as the active ingredient. Salicylic acid is an exfoliating agent. It helps keep your pores from getting clogged. Next, buy some acne cream that has benzoyl peroxide listed as the active ingredient. Benzoyl peroxide kills the bacteria that infect your pores. Wash your face and apply the cream two or three times per day. You should probably start out only applying it once per day, to make sure your skin doesn't have any adverse reactions to it. If your skin gets too dry because of the cream, you can apply moisturizer.