The Well Cultured Anonymous


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The Less Frequent Things


Haircuts are like clothes- you either do well with them or majorly fuck them up. Of course, it's kinda hard to get ANY haircut right- even if you have the best haircut in the world, a stylist can butcher it in a second trying to be "original", or just being "fucking stupid".

With that in mind, know your salon procedure. First, find yourself a SALON- not a barbershop. Salons are usually run by women, not by men, which means that they tend to look at men's hair more than what seems to be the style on CNN or FOX News. Call in early and schedule an appointment- and for god's sake, ASK HOW LONG THE HAIRDRESSER HAS WORKED AT THE SALON. Never let them place you with "the new girl" (they will want to). If they do, you will no doubt get a butchered haircut with horrible fashion sense, much like you would get a bad dinner if you asked a new cook to make you something he has never made before.

As for your hairstyle, the best thing for you to do is ask the stylists. Some of the best advice in the world can be gotten with the same line you can use while clothes shopping- either "What do you think would look good on me", or "What would you do if you were going to date me?". These lines work like charms- but do note that you need to make sure that your stylist isn't freaking crazy. One particular anon learned very quickly that one does not use such a line when in the middle of a small town full of hick girls.

Cut Everything

Stop being a fucking troll- cut your fingernails and toenails, clean your ears, pluck your nostril hairs, get rid of any "mole hair" (dark hair coming out of moles), make sure your eyebrows are decent and not bushy, and cut off any hangnails (cuticle that comes loose) before it becomes painful. In addition, try trimming back some of the huge bush you got, less hair = bigger looking dick and less shit to scare a chick away with. Less hair, more head.

The Shaving Thing: Guys

This is one of those topics that is up for debate virtually all the time. You, being a male, are probably prone to growing body hair. Some girls like it, some girls don't. It's all up to you to decide what you do and determine if you want to look like a bear or not.

Basically, think of it this way- leg hair and arm hair are not problems. Believe it or not, many girls really don't care if you have gorilla-like leg hair- though if you have a nice body definition, it's good to shave it off. You may be ridiculed for this, so do be careful.

But the real issue is your chest and most importantly, pubes. Your chest is another one of those "choose your own adventure" kind of deals- if you don't have shag-rug quality hair, there is very little reason for you to shave it. However, if you happen to have small light hairs that look stupid, shaving it might be a good idea anyway.

Pubes need to be trimmed. Always. Yes, it may be a little strange or arcane for you to do so, but getting rid of those things is the ticket into a woman's mouth and every other hole in between. This doesn't mean you should Nair the whole thing (though that does good if you like the bald look), it just means you need to keep it either trimmed or gone. And not like a mother fucking jungle. Hey, it's actually good for you- no unsightly pubes on the bathroom floor anymore, which is fucking disgusting.

The Shaving Thing: Girls

If you are a woman, on the other hand, most normal guys don't prefer to go to bed with Chewbacca. So, unless the guy you're fancying has a thing for girls that look like Zira from Planet of the Apes, you're going to want to shave. Key areas to watch out for:

  • The legs. For a girl to have hairy legs is an instantaneous sign of lack of personal hygiene. A little leg stubble isn't something to become an hero over, but it is something to be wary of. Female leg hair can turn from tiny stubble to gorilla legs in a matter of days, so it's wise to take a razor to the leg hair every time you bathe, or if you're too chicken/inconvenienced by using a razor, opt for a depilatory cream instead. Nair or Veet work great here and the hair is gone for a longer time.

  • The armpits. Armpit hair is not only unsightly, it serves as a collecting place for sweat, bacteria and dead skin cells, the cocktail of which can produce a nasty case of B.O. Shave your armpit hair, or as in the legs section, depilate it.

  • The pubes. Yes, you heard correctly. Though you don't have to wax it like a porn star (and trust me, you don't want to. This is an expensive procedure, not to mention it hurts like hell.) It's your choice on whether you want to shave it or depilate it, but it's generally better to depilate. You don't have to bend like a contortionist to shave every nook and cranny. Whether you're being seen naked or in a bikini, grooming your pubic hair is a good thing. Nobody wants to look at a hot chick at the beach and see the Amazon Rainforest hanging out of her bikini bottom. At the same time if you're lucky enough to have a guy go down on you (and you have to be REALLY lucky for this one) he doesn't want to get hair in his teeth. You don't have to shave it all off either. Mostly watch the bikini line.

The Tanning Thing

Getting a tan, while usually frowned upon by most men, is basically your ticket from looking like a pudgy sack of shit. Be honest with yourself- girls with tans, especially nude girls with tans, look really fucking good. Thus, by inference, you will probably look pretty good if you get a tan.

Well, that's an odd statement, but it is true. Many pornstars purposely tan because they know the naked human form looks better with a bit of brown to it, rather than white. Unless you're going for that whole "Japanese waif" look, you need to try to at least go up in the pigment scale.

This can really tie in nicely with exercise. Go out to an outdoor pool every once and a while and just sit there and tan. Swim a bit. Then relax. Then swim. It's nice, relaxing, and you know you're becoming only that much more studly.

Tanning also helps if you have the aforementioned acne problem, particularly the varieties known as "rackne", "backne", and "crackne."

This is unless you are black, or any other race with naturally dark skin.

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