A fish question. Ten Fish I caught without an eye,
And nine without a tail;
Six had no head, and half of eight
I weight upon a scale.
Now who can tell me, as I ask it,
How many fish were in my basket?
None Jokes about well-known people
In the course of one of his lecture trips, Mark twain arrived at a small town. Before dinner he went to a barber shop to be shaved.
“Are you a stranger?” asked the barber.
“Yes,” Mark twain replied. “This is the first time I’ve been here.”
“You chose a good time to come,” the barber continued.
“Mark Twain is going to read a lecture to night. You’ll go, I suppose?”
“Oh, I guess so.”
“Have you bought your ticket?”
“But everything is sold out. You’ll have to stand.”
“How very annoying!” Mark Twain said with a sigh.
“I never saw such luck. I always have to stand when that fellow lectures.”
Jack London was late in delivering a story which he promised a New York magazine.
The editor, after repeated efforts to get the story, at last called at London’s hotel and sent up the following note:
“Dear Jack London: If I don’t receive the story within twenty-four hours, I’ll come up to your room and kick you downstairs, and I always keep my promises. London replied: “Dear Dick – if I did all my work with my feet,
“No man is well known as he thinks he is, once said Enrico Caruso, the world-famed tenor.
“While motoring in New York state,” continued the great singer, the automobile broke down and I sought refuge in a farmhouse while the car
was being repaired. I became friendly with the farmer, who asked me my name and I told him it was Caruso. The farmer leaped to his feet and seized me by the hand. “Little did I think I would see a man like you in this humble kitchen, sir!” he exclaimed. “The great traveler, Robinson Caruso!”
When Charles Darwin was visiting the country-house of a friend, the two boys of the family thought they would play a joke on the scientist. So they caught a butter-fly, a grasshopper, a beetle, and a centipede, and out of these creatures they made a strange composite insect. They took the centipede’s body, the butterfly’s wings, the grasshopper’s legs and the beetle’s head, and they glued them together carefully. Then, with their new bug in a box, they knocked at Darwin’s door.
“We caught this bug in a field” they said. “Can you tell us what kind of a bug it is, Mr. Darwin?”
Darwin looked at the bug and then looked at the boys. He smiled slightly.
“Did you notice whether it hummed when you caught it, boys?” he asked.
“Yes,” they answered, nudging one another.
“Then,” said Darwin, “it is a hum-bug.”
Anecdotes about children Johnny – “What makes the new baby at your house cry so much, Tommy?”
Tommy – “It don’t cry so very much – and, anyway, if all your teeth were out, your hair off, and your legs so weak that you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you’d feel like crying yourself.”
“I hear there’s a new baby over at your house, William,” said the teacher. “I don’t think he’s new,” replied William. “The way he cries shows he’s had lots of experience.”
“What is your new brother’s name?”
Little Jane – “I d don’t know yet. We can’t understand a word he says.”
Mother – “You understand me, John, you must not eat any more to-night. It is dangerous to sleep on a full stomach!”
John (her young son) – “Never mind about that, mother dear, I can sleep on my back!”
Father – “Did you take that letter to Mr. Jenkins?”
Sonny – “Yes, father; but I don’t know what good it is to write to old Jenkins? He’s blind.”
Father – “Blind! I never knew that. It must be some sudden affliction that has recently overtaken him. How did you find it out?”
Sonny – “Well, he asked me twice where my hat was when I was in his office and it was on my head all the time.”
Sonny – “Father, what do they make asphalt roads of?”
Father – “That makes a thousand questions you’ve asked to-day. Do give me a little peace. What do you think would have happened if I had asked my father so many questions?”
Sonny – “You might have learnt how to answer some of mine.”
Mother – “If I take a potato and divide in into two parts, then into four parts, and each of the four parts into two parts, what would I have?”
Little Emily – “Potato salad.”
A little miss of four came tearfully to her mother one morning with the complaint, “How can I button my dress when the button is in the back and I’m in the front?”
“Is ink so very expensive, father?”
“Why, no, what makes you think so?”
“Well, mother seems quite disturbed because I spilled some on the hall carpet.”
It was Frankie’s first visit to the zoo.
“What do you think of the animals?” inquired Uncle Horace.
After critical inspection of the exhibit the boy replied, “I think, the Kangaroo and the Elephant should change tails.”
Sonny – “Mother, we’re going to play elephants at the zoo and we want you to help us.”
Mother – “What on earth can I do?”
Sonny – “You can be the lady who gives them peanuts and candy.”
Teacher – “How many fingers have you?”
Bobbie – “Ten.”
Teacher – “Well, if four were missing, what would you have then?”
Bobbie – “No music-lessons.”
Mother – “Now, dear why don’t you run away and give grandpa a kiss?”
Child (somewhat nonplussed by grand papa’s moustache and beard) – “I don’t see any place for it, mamma.”
Отметить кто у кого есть, а кого нет.
Lily, Cecil, Mike and Tom are friends. Mike and Tom haven’t got a cat. But Cecil and Lily have got a cat. Mike hasn’t got a rabbit. Tom and lily have got a rabbit. But Cecil hasn’t got a rabbit. Lily hasn’t got a parrot, but Cecil has got. Mike and Tom haven’t got a parrot. All friends have got a dog.